Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

[Greenhairedmonstor]

My late FiL who I never met, left school at 15, fell into the right crowd while he was doing a labouring job and ended up with a little empire.

There is something in place that is not quite a trust. It allows SiL to choose to live frugally without working, and has enabled my husband and his brothers an income which supplements their incomes.

Their children will benefit after their parents’ deaths when whatever is in place will be dissolved.

My husband has his own business as well.

My stepchild is 18 and will go to university next month. I also have another stepchild who is 13.

The eldest has asked that now that they are an adult that they want to look at my husband’s finances. Essentially they want an account of any money that is spent on my children and they wanted my husband’s estate to be reimbursed from my share of the house when he dies.

Now Mumsnet always asks, no I was not the other woman, my ex meets more than his share of his financial responsibilities and I also work and rent out a house that I own in my home country that I will eventually return to. Husband’s ex is comfortable and I don’t believe this has come from her.

Inevitably my husband subsidises our life.

This has been a bitter blow to my husband and he doesn’t see how his relationship with his child(ren) will recover.

It's up to your husband to say no and to tell his child - both children, if necessary - never to make this kind of demand again. If my 18yo did this, I'd be shocked but I'd hope it was a freak moment of immaturity and self-centredness, perhaps mixed with some misguided protective feelings toward the younger sibling. If he genuinely does not understand why it's outrageous and offensive, his dad should explain. I would hope it wouldn't automatically mean the end of the relationship, though - especially not with the younger child who hasn't done anything wrong.

You shouldn't be in the middle of this; your husband should be handling it and shielding you and your children from any fallout.

I can see them too. Dad is spending on his new wife’s kids. Of course he isn’t happy about it. There is probably some jealousy too.

but why is the husband paying for his stepchild’s school trip for example? Shouldn’t his dad contribute?

You do not know that is true. It is actually very unlikely that the original trust from FIL would be set up this way. It is more likely that all FIL’s assets have to pass to his biological descendants.

What nonsense is this! The actual grandchildren are not going without at all, where on earth did you make that up from?

I would guess that the DSS would be worried that his father had paid.

Because based on a previous thread by the OP the stepchildren’s mother feels that any money spent by the DH on OP’s children is taking money away from her children.

So it seems like any treats the OP’s children are getting are being monitored to check who is paying.

You are correct about the money from the grandfather that is left to the grandchildren.

However, the OP (in a later post) has said that DSS is aware of how the not-a-trust operates and he is more concerned about any expenditure by his father now that will mean that the father's estate is less worth than it would otherwise be and so he and his sibling would inherit less from his father when he eventually passes away.

That really does sound like the ex-wife (his mother) is putting these thoughts into his head.

There is only one answer. Not his money not his business. Your dh needs to nip this in the bud. Entitled little so and so. I would wonder where this is coming from. Not a usual 18 year old question.

Well to be fair, if your dc had a wealthy grandfather who had left money down through his descendants, would you not feel a bit protective about your DH spending it on dc wholly unrelated to said grandfather?

You shouldn't be in the middle of this; your husband should be handling it and shielding you and your children from any fallout.

Yup. If my dc and I were benefitting from funds that originated from an unrelated Grandfather, I would be pulling my head in and - and certainly not berating his real GC for asking about the details.

You really are totally mistaken here. Please go back and read the OP's posts.

"...would you not feel a bit protective about your DH spending it on dc wholly unrelated to said grandfather?"

Surely you mean ex-DH?

The father is not spending any of the child's inheritance at all.

The grandfather very clearly gave the benefit of the capital to the grandchildren (which the children cannot touch).

He also very clearly gave the benefit of the income to the children. What the children choose to spend that income on is purely down to them.

This behaviour is so entitled and quite shocking. Its none of their business. Your husband needs to be very firm about this.

1st class entitled cheeky beggar, no way would I agree, unless of course he is somehow legally entitled to this information.

"...and certainly not berating his real GC for asking about the details."

Excuse me dad, I want a complete breakdown of how much of your money you spend on your new wife and family!

Oh, and by the way, every single penny that you spend on them, rather than me, then I expect to be reimbursed under your new wife's will.

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Just for context, this is what the DSS is asking for.

i really feel for your husband here what a greedy little shit he’s raised. He needs to explain the situation and the trust and tell him that for the time being his finances are none of his son’s business. Secondly I hope you have something in writing for any shared assets should your husband meet an untimely end because that little arsehole will have you out on your arse clearly.

It sounds like the money spent on the OP and her dc comes from the income the DH receives. This is his money to do what he wants with.

he could gamble it, drink it, spiff it up a wall and his ds would have zero rights to complain or feel entitled to it.

Nothing is "very clear."

We don't even know what the "not-a-trust" is exactly.

But yes, you are right, I did mean ex-DH.

But this portion of the father's estate is an inherited portion; that's different from what he earned.

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this man is able to do that and spend it, BECAUSE his father ( the grandfather ) prioritised his children and made sure they were taken care of.
i highly doubt mumsnetters would be saying all this and not feel some type of way if this was their dad or the ex husband prioritising someone else’s kids before his own
I highly doubt mumsnetters would prioritise their husbands kids over their own

Absolutely exactly this.

maybe he thought his kids will do that anyway and won’t need instructions to put their kids first. like he put his kids first.

He should have, but mistakes happen. That doesn’t mean he’d be happy about this.

Legally yes. the man can spend how he wants. He can burn it if he wants.

but what does it say about him that he would do that and not prioritise his biological child.

this man is able to do that and spend it, BECAUSE his father ( the grandfather ) prioritised his children and made sure they were taken care of.

i highly doubt mumsnetters would be saying all this and not feel some type of way if this was their dad or the ex husband prioritising someone else’s kids before his own

I highly doubt mumsnetters would prioritise their husbands kids over their own

You don’t know the source of the school trip money.

If you take the son’s position to its logical conclusion every penny the husband spends - be it buying a bottle of aftershave or a takeaway to be shared - is depleting the sons inheritance and the son should receive an itemised list of spending.

Obviously that is ridiculous.

If I understand you correctly, the original assets cannot be depleted by your DH or his siblings, and will be divided between the grandchildren at some point.

Your DH’s generation can never actually deplete or dispose of the assets, but they can use income generated from the assets as they see fit.

The grandchildren will actually receive the original assets or proceeds of their sale…so they will never have the ongoing income generated but will have the actual asset funds.

If so, your DH needs to explain, if need be have a solicitor write to this child, that there is no relationship between the two sources of income. The child has no more right to comment on what your DH does with the income generated than your DH does to liquidise the original assets.

If the child is bitter and upset, that’s another thing, but this is a really unintelligent way to express it. I know you say they are off to a good university, but they sound really thick to me.

Many children get disinherited when a parent remarries. Are you younger than DH? Did you buy a house together or did you move in?

He needs to explain to his son that his money, is his money. He can spend it however he chooses. Whether that is on you and your children, holidays, card, gambling it all away! It’s not money just waiting for him to die to be passed on.

I think it shows how little his son thinks of his dad if all he cares about is money