Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

[Greenhairedmonstor]

My late FiL who I never met, left school at 15, fell into the right crowd while he was doing a labouring job and ended up with a little empire.

There is something in place that is not quite a trust. It allows SiL to choose to live frugally without working, and has enabled my husband and his brothers an income which supplements their incomes.

Their children will benefit after their parents’ deaths when whatever is in place will be dissolved.

My husband has his own business as well.

My stepchild is 18 and will go to university next month. I also have another stepchild who is 13.

The eldest has asked that now that they are an adult that they want to look at my husband’s finances. Essentially they want an account of any money that is spent on my children and they wanted my husband’s estate to be reimbursed from my share of the house when he dies.

Now Mumsnet always asks, no I was not the other woman, my ex meets more than his share of his financial responsibilities and I also work and rent out a house that I own in my home country that I will eventually return to. Husband’s ex is comfortable and I don’t believe this has come from her.

Inevitably my husband subsidises our life.

This has been a bitter blow to my husband and he doesn’t see how his relationship with his child(ren) will recover.

From your updates, it appears that the DSS is resenting your DH spending his own money as he wishes rather than anything to do with late GF assets? Your DH should tell his son it has nothing to do with him how he spends his money unless his son has to start financially supporting his DF. I’m really surprised that someone who runs their own business can’t say to their own son, “nothing to do with you”.

We have a very one sided version of the story here. Step families are rarely as clean cut as the simplified version of events the OP has presented.

While the OP is spending her husband’s money, her own property is building equity for her own children.

Is the OP going to will equal parts of ‘her’ property to her stepchildren or is it all going to her biological children.

I don’t think even then it is their call to make to see the finances. What I understand is that FIL had estate and it generates money (children, including OP’s husband, get money from that, let’s say they have flats in London and they all get equal amount of rent in terms of money) but they can’t sell those assets (let’s say flats again) now if all children die, all flats will be sold and all money will be distributed all grandchildren. Again, no assets at that time, just money which will come out of selling all assets. So OP’s husband’s share is the money is his problem where he spends, he can even burn it if he wants every month, and it won’t hurt the original assets… so even if the OP’s children have been spoilt at step dad’s money that little fucker has no right to ask to audit the money. He will get his share when his father plus all his uncles and aunts will die!

I'd be encouraging dh to take up an expensive frivolous hobby and spend his money .
The grabby little fucker can get a job.

I think your DH just has to say no to his son.

This is also forewarning you that your step son is likely to be difficult if your DH dies - have you got good legal advice to ensure that your right in your joint house is protected? If not, I'd do that soon.

I do feel a bit for the stepson; someone is pouring poison and bitterness into his ear. Legally an adult he is emotionally very much still a child and it is sad that someone in his life has made him feel that demanding his father account for all elements of his spending is at all reasonable.

That said, in OP's and her DH's shoes I would mostly feel really annoyed and quite hurt. It is rude and entitled and very grubby of him to take this approach. Also quite ridiculous. You can imagine him pouring over the shopping bill complaining that too much was spent on bread and that this would have been better used being saved for his future inheritance...

I agree

Would have been helpful, agreed.

I do think though that it doesn’t matter what his dad chooses to spend his money on.

Your husband will need to tell his son that he best find some respect and to respect you.
He is 18 who the helldoes he think he is .
I hope you're ok mixed families are tricky x

What a cheeky entitled little F. Tell him his fathers finances are not his business. How dare he think he can have insight into private finances. Why would he think that is ok? What his father spends is of no concern to him. Cheeky sod.

It’s none of his business the money is your husbands until he dies and then whatever the will says! Cheeky bugger!!

Personally if I were DH I would be reminding him that I could just leave everything to OP and would be well within my rights to do that.

If that is the case, the SS must be told very firmly that this won’t be happening and recouping funds spent on his father’s wife and her children it in the future is not legally enforceable and in any case even to suggest that is extremely disrespectful and preposterous. Regarding the trust income, it doesn’t sound that the dividend DH derives from it is as lavish as the SS might supposedly think as OP mentioned that SIL chose not to work due to this income and her lifestyle is fairly modest. It may be that SS overestimates it wildly and thus is resentful?

An 18 year old who fancies himself as a financial whizz kid. What a joke!!

Does the SS not realise that his father can spend his own income on ten strippers, a chocolate teapot, a pet panther and half a can of Pepsi....and he's still got fuck all right to complain?

Maybe someone should educate the little twat darling on the difference between an asset and the income from an asset.

I suppose, at best, you can say a lot of us did/said pretty fucking stupid things at 18.

How do you know that the OP's property is building equity? You don't even know what country it is in, let alone the state of the local economy and property market. And why have you decided that the OP is spending her DH's money rather than him in fact being the one who is in control of his finances? Why have you made these assumptions?

The OP’s stepchildren obviously have very concerned relatives who can see the stepchildren are low in the pecking order.

There will be far more to this than the OP’s over simplified account of events.

And the father should not be throwing money at kids who aren’t his or his younger kids while his older kids are being pushed further away.

@Greenhairedmonstor
That no-good me-monster with his little grabby greedy hands
Should be told a firm no by his father whom he's let down and shamed with his attitude
Whilst father asks a solicitor about this scenario and the little monsters demands
And I'd personally do something on the inheritance front myself but that's me
Alongside a serving of truly cold-shoulder
As one is sooooo dissapointed and thought they were truly loved, not just because they worked their socks off and did alright by themselves and some who turned out to be ungrateful family members
But because they tried to be decent human beings

How are they going without? There is nothing saying what the money can and can't be spent on.

Are you a stepmother? Have step kids?

It’s very much a case of ‘what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine’ with the many of them!

So your SS resents any money your husband spends on your children. I don’t think that is that unusual from stuff I’ve read here tbh. However the desire to have it levelled up does sound very calculated/ calculating.

Assuming your DH has spoken to him about it what’s his reasoning? That it’s just “not fair”. Could a blanket reassurance that SS will still likely receive a generous inheritance reassure him?

Something has either precipitated this or he really is a mean wee weasel…

No I'm not but I assume you've had a bad experience with a stepmother.

This.

There are a lot of harsh words here. He is only 18, thinks he's now an adult and is pushing boundaries as such. I'm sure there is a gentle way to explain things to him. There's probably an emotional side to it too, maybe he feels pushed out by op's younger kids but it is easier to fight his corner on the money than to explain to dad that he feels a bit sidelined. He is very young, just a kid. All teens can be a bit ungrateful sometimes, doesn't mean we hate on them quite so much.

This.