Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

[Greenhairedmonstor]

My late FiL who I never met, left school at 15, fell into the right crowd while he was doing a labouring job and ended up with a little empire.

There is something in place that is not quite a trust. It allows SiL to choose to live frugally without working, and has enabled my husband and his brothers an income which supplements their incomes.

Their children will benefit after their parents’ deaths when whatever is in place will be dissolved.

My husband has his own business as well.

My stepchild is 18 and will go to university next month. I also have another stepchild who is 13.

The eldest has asked that now that they are an adult that they want to look at my husband’s finances. Essentially they want an account of any money that is spent on my children and they wanted my husband’s estate to be reimbursed from my share of the house when he dies.

Now Mumsnet always asks, no I was not the other woman, my ex meets more than his share of his financial responsibilities and I also work and rent out a house that I own in my home country that I will eventually return to. Husband’s ex is comfortable and I don’t believe this has come from her.

Inevitably my husband subsidises our life.

This has been a bitter blow to my husband and he doesn’t see how his relationship with his child(ren) will recover.

I’m glad you wrote this… because I’ve often wanted to call someone a scrote online but was never sure of the spelling!!! This child is most definitely a scrote!!!

FML - seriously?

You read that as the OP's husband intending to sever ties with his children, and not what it clearly was: OP's husband is worried that his relationship with his child is breaking down and he won't be able to fix it due to the sons attitude/ sense of entitlement/bizarre expectations.

People really are determined to put the boot in and find or invent fault anywhere there are second marriages and step children aren't they!

All he is entitled to know is that, as per his grandfather's will, the assets are untouched and he will inherit a share on the deaths of his father and his siblings. The income is his father's income, and he is not accountable to anyone for how he chooses to spend it.

He is obviously very bitter about his parents' break up, and jealous of his step siblings, and this is how it is manifesting.

I mean surely the easiest thing to say is that holidays, schools trips etc. are paid for by DH's business income. Hard to prove they are but by turns he cannot prove they are not.

Likewise. I'm not sure what 'spirit of the trust' means in general, nor how the pp has ascertained that the GF had different intentions to the ones his will actually specified.

Oh I see. So SS wants his asset from grandfather when the time comes, AND he feels entitlement over DHs money which has fuck all tobdo with him.
Greedy little bastard.

"My SS is concerned when my husband spends money on them as he feels his and his sibling’s inheritance from their father will be diminished. This is separate to money generated from their grandfather."

OK, I misunderstood what you were saying.

So, it appears that your DSS is aware of the trust fund and the income your DH gets from it.

But what he is concerned about is what will happen when your DH dies and he leaves his own estate to (presumably) his two children. He knows that he will be getting the capital from the trust anyway.

DSS is worried that any money his father spends on his second family now will diminish his inheritance from his father's estate when his father eventually passes away?

Frankly, that is just as grabby.

I think I understand this a bit, as it seems similar to an inhertance I will get.

Lets just say my sisters and I will inherit some properties. However, we will never own the properties, they are held a trust for the grandchildren. We have to maintain the properties from the income, but the rest of the income will be split between the sisters and is ours to spend as we wish.

It sounds like a similar case here. However the SS is salty about any money being spent on OP's children and has decided on his own that his father spending the 'trust profit' as he wishes is not on and should be returned to the trust when his father dies by OP.

Is that right OP?

If so, he can get to fuck.

What’s good for the goose is good for the fsnder

start asking your step son what he is spending his money on, can you see his bank statements

i mean if he wants help through uni and hunks bank statements are open documents for all to judge

its intrusive

I think your DH needs to sit down with his children and explain exactly what the 'trust' is and how they will benefit eventually.

He should also make clear that any money he earns or is his, is his to spend how and when he likes and they have absolutely no right to question it.

Firstly, I would keep well away from having any discussion about this with your stepchild. Do not go there, it has to be sorted out between your DH and his child.

Secondly your DH’s inheritance is his, he can do with it what he likes, spend on whatever or whoever he wants. If my DS started telling me what to do with money he’d be told to mind his own business, and that would be that.

It’s not the stepchild’s money and they have no prior right to any of it, and they might have say in the matter, but the final decision is DH’s. Your DH will provide for his whole family as he sees fit and there’s an end of it.

I suspect this goes deeper than money for your stepson. It sounds emotional. I really think it would be a huge mistake for your hubby to severe ties … at 18 this kid is emotionally immature no matter how academically gifted he is.

Can I suggest your hubby and this son goes to counselling to work out what is driving things. As your husbands oldest child he would have been more affected by the divorce regardless of you not being the older woman.

This kid is watching his dad play happy families with a new family - he no doubt has bad memories or jealousy driving this and poor communications skills have ended up expressing this as anger about money.

Your stepson is being irrational, but then again, love and money are two things that make people act in irrational ways.

Obviously your husband has every right to spend his money however he pleases. Your stepson is way out of line there. Does he seriously think every penny his father earns belongs by right to him and that he gets a say in how it is spent?

It seems as if the grandfather's bequest is protected and the DSCs will get what their grandfather intended them to have.

You DH could be the most doting father in the world and his son could still unloved, or be confusing money with love, or reacting in some other irrational way. It's possible malicious friends have been whispering in his ears. Sometimes we can never unravel where these ideas came from.

He needs to be told, very lovingly and clearly, No.

Even for a savvy 18 y.o. these are odd questions. What happened to spark this? He may just be being a grabby little sod who sees his dad living with kids he isn’t related to but is paying for skiing trips when as you’ve said OP your kids have a father. Or there could be something else going on. There’s a similar issue in my wider family (to do with step grand kids potentially inheriting from my mother) which caused one of my kids to ask me if I was concerned the step GCs were going to get my inheritance. I just had to make it very clear that what my mother does with her money is her business and no one should ever go through life expecting an inheritance. Your DH needs to shut this down and/or try to understand what is driving the questions. You need to stay out of it or it will make it much worse.

The step-son gains from his grandfather's trust, that's not in question. The OP's husband also benefits from the trust by means of an income. The step-son doesn't want his Dad to spend any of that income on his step-children or wife. He wants his Dad to share what that income is spent on.

Your step-son has zero right to know how his Dad chooses to spend the income the trust generates. It's none of his business. Your step-son is wrapped up in a bubble of resentment, to the point, it actually looks as if he's waiting for his Dad to die, so he can get his hands on as much money as possible.

His Dad's money is his own. His Dad isn't dead, so any assets or income he may have is his. Your step-son is coming across as extremely greedy, entitled and bratty.

I appreciate your husband doesn't want to upset his son and he wants a relationship with him, but what he's requesting is overstepping boundaries. He needs to say 'It's not information that will be shared with you'. If he asks why then say 'because I'm not dead yet, and until that time arrives, any assets are still mine, to do with as I see fit'.

It sounds like an interest in possession trust?

If so, then whatever income your DH gets from it, is his to spend as he chooses.

However, there are other trusts funds that operate in such a way that spending money generated by the trust in any way not explicitly approved by the trustees in line with the terms of the trust, would constitute misuse, and could be subject to recovery.

If the release of funds is conditional, then a trustee/the trustees will retain oversight and can request and/or compel disclosure. Whether this is information the son has any right to request will depend on whether he’s a trustee, and on exactly what type of trust this concerns.

He may be a cheeky fucker that’s massively overstepping, or he could be doing his duty as a trustee.

Why does an 18year old concerned about whether his father is spending money meant for them, on their spouse’s children need to be relationship ending? He sounds like a terrible father, I’m afraid.
He sounds like he wants to swap his bio children for yours, a decision he would regret in future.

He needs to man up, talk to his child and guide him like a responsible father. What a joke. 18 is no age at all. He needs a lot of guidance from his father to shape him.

Hm. Interesting. I think the way DSS is going about it is all kinds of wrong, but I do think there's something of a moral obligation when you inherit money. To me, there's a big difference between earning it yourself (spend how you want) and being given it. You should feel free to spend what you need to be OK, but you should use the rest to benefit the next generation without spoiling them, whether that's to give them better opportunities now or leave to them as an inheritance, or to benefit society. I'd secretly think rather poorly of someone who spent a large inheritance on luxuries and didn't consider the next generation or charities.

Wow. Well I guess you know your place eh OP. What vile children.

None of his fucking business! His entitlement is off the scale and needs to be closed down ASAP

What a deeply unpleasant man he is. Hopefully he’ll improve as he matures. He just needs to be told none of your business ad nauseam.

If you read OPs previous post back in April it’s all of the DH’s money that is under scrutiny not just the income from the trust.

The ex wife specifically said to the DH that any money spent on OP’s children was being taken away from her children.

Stepson wants a tally of any money spent on OP and her children to be kept and then that money deducted from OP’s share of DH’s estate when he passes.

The grandfather’s trust is a red herring.

The SS is going to inherit the capital in this not-quite-a-trust. Presumably a very large amount, given that the interest/whatever is providing a significant annual income to his father and aunts/uncles. And given that his dad takes him on expensive holidays and will be paying for uni etc, he clearly isn't going without, and he actually sounds quite spoiled.

So I don't think DH can be accused of not considering the next generation. DH has his own business, and hasn't inherited from his father, as such. He just gets some extra income from the not-a-trust.

Then the grandfather should have set up a trust to direct benefit his biological grandchildren.

he didn’t. He has left the “trust” to benefit his children and for them to use as they see fit.

this SS needs to realise that any money that belongs to his father (either as his income from his business or from the “trust”) and will have nothing to do with him until the day his father dies and he finds out what his share of that estate is. To expect to see his father’s finances and how he spends his money, and then believe he can somehow backdate his “share” is grabby and entitled

I would at this stage politely decline. Any funds received from the money left via the grandparents are as far as I can see your husband's to spend as he wishes. He could use this to treat you, your children or the cats home for that matter. it is wholly unreasonable to look for any funds then to be reimbursed it is none of his business. He can of course view the capital funds which remain so he knows what he may receive when your DH dies. Though this does sound a little bit like he is waiting for you both to pop off and hoping this is as soon as possible. If I were you or your DH this would impact how I viewed by DSC. However, I would try and keep any responses as amicable as possible. He is still relatively young and young people say and do some not very nice things.