AIBU to ask my 11-year-old to leave an overwhelming group chat?

[sycamoreoak]

DD 11 in group chat (not WhatsApp) with 2 other friends and the amount of messaging is overwhelming. DD had 50+ messages in space of half an hour or so, and when she was in a summer holiday club last week - doing something she loves - she turned her phone on in the evening to messages asking why she wasn’t texting. It all feels like too much pressure to me so I have asked her to leave the chat - AIBU?

She’s 11. You make the decision for her.

This is why children shouldn’t have smartphones tbh.

I have, and she has left the chat. Just wondered what other people’s experience was.

I think this is a real issue at this age and we are in exactly the same boat. My 11 year old has just got messages on her iPad and often comes back to loads of messages as I am quite strict about when she's allowed to check them. She has found the large groups really overwhelming and has voluntarily come out of them. From experience with my eldest, it settles down somewhere in year 7!

She needs to come off it but she can tell the others that you made her!

Definitely best to leave the chat,

I would never put an 11 year old in a position where they are in group chats or receiving 10s of messages a day.

What chat is an 11 year old able to be on? I thought that 13 was the minimum.

I've removed my 11 year old from some group chats and told her to just blame me

I agree to some extent - I make sure she understands about phone use and we talk about stuff but other parents just leave their kids to it, and don’t seem to care.

Why give an eleven year old WhatsApp.

Mine did the same herself at the same age. It can be overwhelming . Good that she didn’t object 👍

The OP said, in the OP, that it is not WhatsApp.

For any social media/ WhatsApp it is 13 and she is not on anything like that. But for general text messaging you can create group chats. I have said she is not allowed on any in future.

I haven’t given my 11 year old WhatsApp and never would! Other children can add friends to a group chat through normal text messaging.

Not unreasonable, my daughter is older than yours and we regularly take her phone away in the holidays so she can have days without thinking about it.

I wish my mum would take my phone away!

You need to be the adult. She’s a child and not emotionally equipped to deal with this. Why does an 11 year old need a smart phone, especially with the plethora of research showing how harmful they are to children?

OP has been the adult as per everything she has written 🙄

I haven’t - my post clearly states that it is not WhatsApp. She is on NO social media. Normal text messaging allows group chats and other kids have added her. She will not be in any in future.

My child is extremely sensible about these things. Unfortunately, other children aren’t as mature, and their parents don’t check their phones - a bad combination!

Apologies, squiffy.

Why did you assume it is a Smartphone?

You're right to have put a stop to this although at this age you don't ask them, you tell them! Also right to have said no more group chats which are a nightmare even for adults...! Well done.

I know my original post said otherwise but I have told her rather than asked.