AIBU to ask my 11-year-old to leave an overwhelming group chat?

[sycamoreoak]

DD 11 in group chat (not WhatsApp) with 2 other friends and the amount of messaging is overwhelming. DD had 50+ messages in space of half an hour or so, and when she was in a summer holiday club last week - doing something she loves - she turned her phone on in the evening to messages asking why she wasn’t texting. It all feels like too much pressure to me so I have asked her to leave the chat - AIBU?

I remember having to do the same. Some kids message about everything they do. Mine never bothered as they were at holiday clubs, and then played outside so weren't on the phones.

Half of it is boredom.

Problem here is you. If you’re daft enough to give her a phone and set her up with some sort of chat, that’s 100% on you. My son is about to start year 6. Smart phones are banned at my school thank god. This is a you problem.

Are there any mobile phones that don’t have the ability to text?

Yea - google it! Why does an 11 year old need any phone anyway?! Cop out from lazy parents who just give in

No giving in here, I’m happy for my teens to have phones. Why’s that lazy?

Our eleven year old needs a phone as he has a severe hearing impairment, without it his hearing aids have very very limited functionality. Apologies for being lazy and meeting his medical and sensory needs.

I can’t find any phone on google that doesn’t have the ability to text.

This is why I'm not getting my kids a phone at that age

You just don't need the hassle op

Please read my earlier messages - I have NOT set her up with any sort of chat function. Normal text messaging allows group chats which OTHER kids have added her to. Don’t judge without knowing/checking the facts.
Smart phones also banned at my child’s secondary school, which I am also pleased about.

Boundaries. Sorry I can’t text today, I’m going out. Talk later.

I would have assumed this because group messaging on text is not an option on my son's dumphone 🤷🏼‍♀️

Did you know she was being added to chat groups?

Exactly this!

We had some of this actually as well in WhatsApp chats with my child. I had discussions with her about how I thought it was too much and the reasons why etc etc etc. She certainly wasn't always whatsapping! I can't remember if we left the group in this situation. But I do know that initially I did let her have WhatsApp but I've banned it for quite a while now. It was WhatsApp that always caused problems in some way (although not bullying) and certainly the things you mention I think are unhealthy as well. I'm happy with my decision at the minute. (She's 12 now) Although she was 11 when she had it.

It’s not the case for all dumb phones.

YABU to ask her. Just tell her she’s not allowed in the group chat, or in any group chats.
It is so much better for children to just grumble ‘urgh my mums so strict’ to their friends, than the consequences of actually being in group chats etc!!

Blast from the past, but you could do it on a Nokia 3310!

Sorry I must have skim read and thought it was WhatsApp!

All my child's friends use WhatsApp to group chat so we don't have this problem anymore!

Why do you assume its a smart phone?

Mine decided to put her phone on do not disturb permanently as she found it too overwhelming. So she has a look when she feels like it.

That’s a HUGE assumption about my parenting. You don’t know the reason my child has a phone and I would have hoped from my post that you would realise I’m not a lazy/uncaring parent. I know I’m not!
I’m not online that much and clearly naive about how judgmental people can be! You’ve certainly made it clear on that point!

YABU to ask her. You tell her it's not good for her and she needs to leave the chat and if possible delete the app she is using to access the chat.

i did tell rather than ask. I know original post said ask.

Check the settings
Maybe you can set it up so that no one can add you to a group without you giving permission

I always wonder who is letting their 11 year olds have do much phone access..in RL everyone i know locks their kids phones diwn with family link & they only get about 15 mins whatsapp a day.

🤣 Some days I wish I could use the excuse of "I can't go, my dad says I'm grounded"!

@sycamoreoak Your DDs friends sound pretty mean. Hopefully removing her from group chats will stop the harassment but if not, you may need to restrict phone access. It is not you that is a lazy parent, it isn't your child constantly texting all day at 11.