To not take step kids on my holiday?

[Westcountrygal]

Were we unreasonable to go on holiday without my step kids?

My husband has got two kids from a previous marriage, they are 10 and 12.

My family invited my husband and me to a trip across the USA to visit relatives and we had a great time. The weather was great and we did lots of activities. When we came back however, and my husband told the kids about the trip, they in turn told their mum and she kicked off royally, screaming that he neglected them, spent all his money on himself and nothing on them, and that they should have come in the trip.

That obviously was never going to happen- it was my family who lives in America and my family who paid for this and it was during term time anyways. I do agree that he shouldn’t have told them about it and shown them the great things that we did but surely it’s not normal for the mum to expect them to go on MY family’s trip?

He arranged alternative childcare during his time so they obviously knew he was away but didn’t know where

Glad to hear I’m not the only one….

i dont think it unreasonable to have a child fre trip in the circumstances you describe and i dont think your DH was wrong to tell his kids about it.
With the caveat that your DH could at some point have a holiday with his kids included.

How did she not no about the trip before you went? He must have told her why he couldn’t see the kids for 3 weeks?

Just ignore, it wouldn't of been appropriate to take them across the world to meet your family. It wasn't a holiday you were seeing family.

She has been antagonistic before so we don’t mention these things now for fear of sabotage. She didn’t know in advance - he arranged alternative childcare and the kids got picked up by his sister to spend “his” weekend with his cousins having a sleepover.

Totally irrelevant. But on a side note, kids really hate Disney and only ever want to go once, and a 6&8 are mature enough to think like an adult!

I would just ignore her. She wants the fuss. Don't engage.

And there it is !!

Did you have to buy your own flights?

Do you have kids from a prior relationship?

Does your husband have enough annual leave left to take his children somewhere?

What do you think should have been done about it ? OP’s family live in America and paid for the trip. The children are nothing to do with them, so why do you think they should have paid for them to go ?

You didn’t do anything wrong in going on holiday to visit your relatives, and I don’t think dh did anything wrong in mentioning it to his kids, although he should have made them aware that he’d be away beforehand.

Ex is being unfair in saying the kids shoujd have gone. They have other holidays. Sounds like she’s jealous that dh is spending money on you (even though he didn’t).

Of course you should have gone on the holiday. Sounds like your DPs ex is trying to stir things up. Ignore her.

Yes we paid for the flights and some meals out while we were there. But we are very lucky in that my family over there are very successful and earn in the millions so they covered a lot of the tickets/ entries for things when they pre booked everything and didn’t want the money paid back by us.

No I do not have any kids at all. There were no other kids on the trip either.

He had lots of annual leave as his company are very generous. He does take the kids away on holiday every year.

Of course he should tell them. If they were very little kids thats different but they are going to know somehow and then accuse him of keeping secrets and its right that they get to know some information about their dads experience. What a shame that their mother thinks its more important to encourage the kids to score points and 'be upset' instead of be curious about 'what did you do dad, what did you eat, where did you go'.

Did your family not want to meet the DC?

How much does he parent, if in a 3 week trip he only missed a weekend?

Which thread is this…I completely missed that craziness.

They wouldn’t have minded meeting them I am sure as they are nice people, but no they didn’t deliberately ask for them to come, that is just too distant a relationship.

Also it feels a bit different saying “I know you are already paying for us but can you also pay for two unrelated children and can we also change the whole timing of the holiday to accommodate school holidays which means we now can’t attend the event we mainly centered the trip around and also can everybody be completely ok with two children away from home potentially being homesick or bored of adult activities”

This is such a refreshing approach. The kids went on holiday with their mum, then a holiday with their extended family on the mums side, and my husband is also taking them away so they had 3 holidays so far this year. They really aren’t going without.

We did remind them of that and explain that dad doesn’t go on all their holidays and equally they don’t go on all of ours and that is fine. Nobody is expected to just sit at home doing nothing because not everyone is around to go on exactly the same trips and experiences.

It's fine. Don't soend more time on it.

@Borededhttps://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5564143-aibu-to-refuse-to-cut-short-our-holiday-for-childcare?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Why should OPs family in Anerica be that keen on OP's step children?

I think if he takes them on other holidays, without you, then fair enough. His ex is probably raging as she never got brought to the USA…

No, his ex is mental. And if I was your husband I wouldn't have entertained her screaming, I would have just hung up on her and texted her that we can talk when she can speak like a normal human being instead of a mental patient.

I’ve just come from another thread of a similar nature. All I will say is brace yourself. The bitter single mums are out in force today 😂