AIBU to ban a guest over dismissing a severe nut allergy?

[bagpuss90]

My sons DP has a severe nut allergy ., she obviously carries an epi pen. I’m hosting a get together tomorrow with friends and family invited . I’m doing most of the cooking but people are bringing drinks. A cpl of people have offered to cook and bring dishes. I’ve said no it’s fine as then I’ll be sure there are no nuts in anything . I put a msg out in the group chat to remind people to please not bring anything with nuts in just in case . I got a pm this morning from my friends DP saying my sons DP needs to get over it and she would probably have the same reaction if someone threw a spider at her or she walked past a graveyard. It’s a life threatening allergy not a bloody panic attack that she has ffs . I’d love to tell the ignorant prick he’s no longer welcome- but I don’t want to over react . But he’s ignorance and sheer stupidity have really irritated me. It would be so awkward though if I did tell him not to come . Thoughts please ..

Bat it right back- I’d screenshot and post his message in the group chat and text if anyone thinks DP’s life threatening allergy is a choice, please don’t come with food that would risk her life

Id univite him.

I work in a school and I know how life threatening allergies are

I understand that you don't want to make it awkward for your friend, but the nut allergy is serious, and the fact that he even bothered to write that message suggests that he may think it hilarious to bring something with nuts. He can't be trusted, tell him so and uninvite him.

Is he abusive to your friend?
Or just a common or garden knob?
I would tell him directly, thanks but no thanks, but give your friend a heads up first.
Unless you feel that may put your friend in any sort of danger and then you may want to play it differently.

As a person who has had anaphylactic shock more than once tell him he isn’t welcome

I'd definitely uninvite him, and I wouldn't be polite about it. If anyone should ask why when at the do then just show them his messages. Say you would not be able to trust that he wouldn't bring nuts, or start shooting his mouth off.

He's a dickhead. Your friend can come without him.

We live in a cruel world. I often think some people see allergies as a chance to hurt others. they sense weakness.

Several times ive been on a plane and the air hostess asked everyone not to eat nuts, as someone has a severe allergy. Then I've seen someone on the plane open a packet of nuts anyway and the air hostess having to take it off them.

Do you remember when a boy in a school had a severe nut allergy and another boy threw a nut at him

More important that your son’s DP is kept safe though?

Your friend can still come.

I don’t think he’s abusive to my friend - he’s just an opinionated know nothing knob

Send this "Thanks friends do, you've just shown me who you really are. I am afraid you are no longer welcome in my home"

Block him, then send this to your friend.

"Dear friend, I'm afraid that I've had to uninvited your dp as he has made fun of my sons dp's life threatening allergy and frankly regardless of whether he thought he was funny or more concerningly he believes anaphylaxis to not be real, I'm afraid I just don't wish to spend time with him any more. I appreciate this makes things awkward for you, would still love it if you can attend, I am sure you don't need his permission for that"

What does your friend think of her assh*le partner? He’s a prince. Is he always like this? Tell your friend he’s not coming and why.

did you talk to your friend about what he said.

ask her to explain to him how serious a nut allergy is. get her to show him articles

Yes. that was my first thought to.

What on earth does it have to do with him anyway. Even if he thought it was a bit much, to make a point of messaging you.

I also thought he might take you or son's DP to task in front of everyone, as he sounds mad enough to do it, or make some sarky comments about the food, which could embarrass her...

Sounds like too much of risk that he would spoil your party or upset your son or his DP in some way.

Why are you so sure? If hes like this out in the open… I would be worried for my friend (and seriously question her taste in men)

And post it on mumsnet too! I can’t even imagine this message

I would send him this information… advise that he reads it thoroughly to educate himself, and correct his ignorance. If he does not wish to, then his presence at your house is no longer welcome.

https://www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/fact-sheet/peanut-and-tree-nut-allergy/

(they have other very good fact sheets if this one doesn’t cover her specific allergy)

i dont think he is the type to care. many people are cruel.

I saw an air hostess ask people not to eat nuts as there was an allergy abroad. the man two seats away from me laughed and immediately started eating a packet of peanuts. some people literally see it as an opportunity to hurt someone

Of course YANBU

It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t life threatening or if you were being dramatic - you’re kind enough to invite them and he’s gone out of his way to slag off your child!!

Perfect.

She has some unusual allergies including nightshades so when she's at parties (she's 6) I need to be able to trust that they have not chopped the cucumber after the peppers and carrots for the dips for example

I'm quite "up" on allergies but wouldn't have known about nightshade ones, so thanks for this information - I'll have to read up more on those!

People like this are so awful, food tampering ought to be a criminal offence. As the mother of an anaphylactically allergic child, I hope he ends up with a mother in law as lovely and thoughtful as you one day!

He may well make stupid comments in front of her, so don’t let him come.

Hi Pete, thanks for that. If she eats nuts, chances are she’ll die. All things considered, best you stay at home and play with your own nuts.

Why is he messaging you? Its just weird to start with.

Id send a scathing reply and tell him to.chnage his attitude or dont bother to attend your party

I'd definitely respond.

As you seem not to understand, you are no longer invited tomorrow. I suggest you use the time whilst (name of his partner) is enjoying our hospitality to improve your comprehension skills on life threatening allergies.