AIBU to refuse leaving our toddler upstairs with just a monitor?

[LittleMermaid123]

AIBU here?
DP and I get married at the end of the year, our DD will be 15 months old. We haven’t really got childcare for the wedding evening and all family will be at the party wanting to enjoy themselves. Not a problem, I had a baby so I will leave if needed as she comes first. We all know what it’s like with overtired kids. Went to visit in laws and MIL asks who’s watching DD at the wedding if she needs to go to bed and I explain if someone is happy to take her up to the room when needed great but we don’t have anyone yet. She offers to watch DD for the evening. About to thank her when she says “you have a monitor don’t you?” …
I’m confused and say yes?
Her plan was to put DD to bed and come back to the wedding with the monitor on. I was horrified and said absolutely not! I thought my reaction was normal until chatting to a friend who seemed to think it was fine… am I going nuts?!

This is what I would do.
I definitely wouldn't leave her alone upstairs. Mil might forget the monitor, or not hear it. Wedding receptions are noisy!
The baby could wake up scared and distraught in a strange place.
If it was my grandchild though I would happily sit in the hotel room with her. I don't particularly like parties anyway which is all a reception is anyway

I wouldn't hire a babysitter either. When my children (and grandchildren) were that age they would have been even more distraught if they woke up in a strange bed and a stranger was trying to soothe them back to sleep!

Take your DC to the party: as someone else said European Style. They stay up all hours. Take the pram/pushchair into a corner, so if they get tired put them in it. My relatives had a band and used to take their youngest in a pram and park them nearby in a quiet(ish) corner. All adults now and don't appear to have hang ups or hearing problems!

DD was this age at our wedding. We had a buggy, when it got late and noisy my brother and his gf took her for a little walk and she dropped off. I was very grateful to them!

ETA do ask/allow family to help, you may have chosen to have a baby but it is your wedding day! No one would mind taking turns to take her out. Think about it if the positions were reversed and you were asked - I would always happily take half an hour out of a party to help a friend/family member, I quite enjoy the downtime before going back to the dancing!

But it’s hotel, reception staff, cleaners etc will be able to get in that room if they want to. Absolutely not ok op. It’s not like she’s going to have her eyes glued to the monitor either.

If you and your DP don’t want to go upstairs to the hotel room at your DD’s usual bedtime and you don’t want a babysitter, you need to rethink the evening reception.

When I was kid, we had loads of family weddings (huge extended family) and kids would just sleep in their prams, on chairs or in someone’s arms. They were exhausted, so the noise didn’t seem to disturb them. I don’t think it did any of us any harm, but people don’t seem to do it nowadays.

I would be the first to volunteer to sit with the baby! I hate weddings (the ceremony is lovely but the whole day just goes on too long IMO) and I get ‘peopled out’easily. I would be grateful for an opportunity to escape the reception and sit and read my kindle in peace!

The specifics don't really matter. Leaving a child alone anywhere other than their own bedroom (or a close relatives house maybe) isn't sensible, and probably isn't safe. I wouldn't. It isn't worth the risk, even on your wedding day.

I made a decision never to do it, because I hated it as a child. Made to stay up at some boring party when I wanted to go to bed, trying to sleep in an uncomfortable position across some chairs - urgh.

My in-laws suggested I put my then 18 month old daughter to sleep in our hotel room and meet them for dinner. We were in Hong Kong and staying on the 18th floor of the hotel. I have literally no idea what they were thinking.

I suppose if if was the same floor or maaaybe one floor up and I had a video monitor and a door alarm maybe? But honestly I wouldn’t have enjoyed a second of it so not much point. As it’s your own wedding I’d hire someone you trust (nursery worker? Teenage cousin maybe?) to sit with her. I think it would be very surprising to leave your husband to celebrate without you! Or could you shift the timing to end around 9/10 and just keep her up late?

my daughter wouldn’t have slept in a buggy or anything like that - she was and is super noise and light sensitive (turned out later she was autistic so it made more sense eventually) but if yours is more adaptable that might work - have some time to try it out before the end of the year too.

Ah so you're the parents people are talking about when they say 'it was a different world when Madeleine McCann was taken we all did it's except noone I know would ever have done thatm and you're advocating for it now.

They dont have exclusive hire of hotel

It's a perfectly reasonable suggestion in a venue where you have exclusive use. It's no different from a baby being upstairs in a big house.

But if you don't like it, it's also not unreasonable for you to say so. It's your baby and your wedding so do whatever you want. But I don't think MIL is being mad to suggest it.

This
or you have a daytime wedding more suited to the requirements or hire a babysitter for the evening to stay in the room with her.

Exactly my parents and allllllll their friends and family were the "if the kids are tired they will sleep in pram/under table/on chairs" kind of parents (and we did) not leave them alone and hope for the best. I didnt even know parents like that existed until madeleine

YANBU to reject you MILs idea.

My DS was 15 months at our wedding, tried giving him an extra nap and letting him stay up late but he was hysterical so ended up putting him to bed at about 8:30. Was stuck in the room until a relative across the hallway offered to watch his baby monitor along with her sleeping children (literally metres away from him). It saved our evening or I wouldn't have made it back downstairs. I had already asked her if she'd do this prior to the wedding but she'd said no originally.

If i could do it again I'd have paid for childcare for the day. Just so someone was there who's whole focus was him. Instead he got passed around, shoved in front of screens and had a really short interrupted nap as there was no time or space for him to sleep.