AIBU to refuse leaving our toddler upstairs with just a monitor?

[LittleMermaid123]

AIBU here?
DP and I get married at the end of the year, our DD will be 15 months old. We haven’t really got childcare for the wedding evening and all family will be at the party wanting to enjoy themselves. Not a problem, I had a baby so I will leave if needed as she comes first. We all know what it’s like with overtired kids. Went to visit in laws and MIL asks who’s watching DD at the wedding if she needs to go to bed and I explain if someone is happy to take her up to the room when needed great but we don’t have anyone yet. She offers to watch DD for the evening. About to thank her when she says “you have a monitor don’t you?” …
I’m confused and say yes?
Her plan was to put DD to bed and come back to the wedding with the monitor on. I was horrified and said absolutely not! I thought my reaction was normal until chatting to a friend who seemed to think it was fine… am I going nuts?!

Maddy McCann.

What is wrong with your MiL?

She wasn’t in a venue with exclusive hire. She was in an ordinary hotel where anyone could wander in. This one could well have a lock on the front door and just be a massive house. The op hasn’t explained yet.

If it does come to this, at least you can just do half with her father.

I really wouldn't do this. Monitors are just not reliable enough and in a noisy disco environment it's not going to be heard anyway. You need to nominate someone else to be responsible for your toddler for the whole day anyway. That's not to say you have nothing to do with them but you will be so distracted and everyone will want a piece of you. You or dp won't be able to meet their needs and enjoy the day. Whoever is looking after them can either put them in a pushchair to sleep if possible or leave early with them. It can't be someone and no-one it really needs to be a dedicated person who has toddler as their job for the day.

It obviously is a problem because you’re on here posting about how unreasonable your MIL is!

I think you need childcare for your own wedding. It would be rather a shame to have to go to bed at 7pm because the baby needed to go to bed.

I would hire a professional nanny to go and sit with / outside for you baby, so you don’t need to worry about it.

I am not averse to putting them to bed in a hotel and having a baby monitor, particularly if it’s exclusive hire, but if you don’t want to do that, well, don’t.

You’re already probably spending a small fortune on the wedding - and extra £100 hiring a professional nanny will make it much nicer. Tbh I’d even book the nanny for 24h so she can be cared for during the afternoon / dinner and in the morning.

’There are lots of family around’ - I find family often talk a good game but when it comes to it aren’t that helpful - especially if they’ve had a drink…!

There is wedding nannies now i follow a couple of girls on instagram but it is a booming bussiness could you have a look at something like that? .I wouldn't leave a young child alone in a strange place either.

Not really, I’m asking if I’m being unreasonable rejecting her suggestion, it was more to find out if I’m overreacting. I never said I expect her or anyone else to take on childcare, merely asked if that was a reasonable suggestion and I’m the one being precious

You’re not going nuts. It’s a terrible suggestion. It’s ok until it’s not ok. Everyone is different and every family is different, but I could imagine keeping toddler in the event with the mob and mil doing stints. Highly likely another relative would join in. And in the possible case that toddler was going nuts and needed space, then I guess you’d have to settle her in a bedroom anyway and then one of the mums could come and take over for a bit. A nanny would be fine too, but in practice, I think my family would juggle.

You are not being precious.

You really are.

@toeaseatroubledmind "100% okay. You’ll be the only ones there"

No they won't. There will be all the staff which will probably include casual staff hired in for the evening. And with a whole load of guests milling around and all the hustle and bustle of the event, what's to stop a stranger walking into the hotel? It's really quite easy to do.

No way. We just let our kids stay up at the party when this age and they'd flake out in the buggy/on our knee.

If they needed to go to bed in the room, one of us would be staying with them. I'd never feel happy with just a baby monitor in a hotel or b and b... only place I'd do that is someone's house and if we were just sitting chatting, not having loud music

What kind of temperament does your DD have?

That’s brilliant

If it were me, I would put the baby to sleep myself and stay until the child is asleep. Then I would ask my DH to do a shift, then my Mum, then MIL.

I would get a handful of my nearest and dearest to do say 35 minute shifts. I wouldn’t dream of leaving her alone in a room with a monitor. And there is no fucking way I’d hire a babysitter off the internet.

The last wedding I went to the babies were obligingly cute then went to sleep in their prams. Quite a few had noise cancelling headphones.

I couldn't attend a wedding and watch the bride leave at 7 for childcare reasons whilst everyone else carried on partying. There will almost certainly be guests who are happy to sit in with her for the evening, or failing that, do try buggy in the corner with hood down and ear defenders. I've happily pushed prams round during the evening do.

I would either hire childcare for the evening or I would perhaps ask 5 or 6 people to be on a rotation and do 20 mins each. You should maybe ask parents, bridemaids or groomsmen to be nominated as a “watch baby” for the day too.

Some people would some wouldn’t irrelevant really
just get a buggy and blanket in the corner

Ah well your update would make me vote the other way - I thought the party was at your house.
No someone needs to be with her and I can’t believe you expect a guest, related or not, to take her up to bed then stay! Get a proper sitter.
As for baby listening service - they do not listen constantly and we used it once while having regular dinner in the dining room (so not a loud party as I assume your wedding will be) and my toddler DD managed to get out of the room, walk across a connecting walkway between buildings and get down to reception before anyone noticed.

Fuck no

<<hoiks buzom>>

And this is why the Goodlord recommends no conivivals before nuptials.

I agree with this approach.

I wouldn't be comfortable with that. When I got married I had a nearly 2yr old..He joined the party untill around 10 then I went up to them room with him. Mum and sister came up with me and we had some wine and snacks and opened all the presents. It was lovely and probably my favorite memory of the day.