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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone end up regretting being 1 & done?

68 replies

nadineed · 05/08/2026 10:26

I always thought I would have at least 3/4 kids as I am 1 of 4 and even my aunts and uncles always had multiple children so I grew up in a big family.

I have a DC who is almost 3 and to be honest I really feel as if I am one and done.

The birth was life threatening but and I caught multiple infections subsequently but even that didn't put me off as I wanted DC to have a sibling(s).

I used to be quite vain and even the stretch marks, the skin on my belly didn't put me off as I really wanted more kids during the new born phase as back in the new born days I found it quite easy to be honest.

But the last year has been truly horrific in terms of his behaviour.

Constant tantrums (especially when we are out).

The constant whining and crying if he dosent get his own way.

The spitting.

Throwing things at me.

He was a brilliant sleeper until 10 months and I am still waking up multiple times a night (about 3/4)).

I am just exhausted and drained.

OH is pretty useless and we have varying opinions on parenting which means we clash.

I just know I can never go through this again and when I think about dealing with 2 kids it would be too much for me to deal with.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and then regretted it?

OP posts:
Letty186 · 05/08/2026 15:54

I always thought I’d have at least two, I’m an only and thought a sibling would be great. However like you I ended up with a traumatic birth and was advised not to do it again.

There were moments I was sad, but actually most of the time I thought how does anyone manage two?

Now my son is 18 and I’m really happy with our decision. We’ve been able to offer him so much more than if we’d had two. The driving lessons, the car, uni etc we are able to help him start out in life. It’s not all monetary either, I don’t think I’d have had the energy 🤣 and certainly not the time to do the same level of running around and time wise given the same opportunities to two children.

Savvysix1984 · 05/08/2026 16:00

Never regretted it. Dd is 15 now and we have a fab life as a family of 4 (dog included). Always thought I’d have 3, but after ivf with my first I didn’t want to do it again.
having one is very under rated! All my friends with 2+ are significantly more stressed, tired and poorer than me(both time and money).
dd has never wanted a sibling and tells me she is very happy with our family! She’s very sociable with lots of friends. Dh and I have lots of time together as dd is often out or having a sleepover. She also has friends to sleep here and it’s great hearing them have fun!

OnARainyDay2012 · 05/08/2026 16:14

I am grateful nearly every day that I only have one. Especially when I see friends and family juggling more than one. My kids not particularly challenging either. I just don't feel I have any spare capacity and another child would mean worse parenting for 2 kids vs better parenting for 1 kid.

Terfarina · 05/08/2026 16:19

I always wanted multiple. I was a single mother with my first until I met my husband when DS was 5. I loved the baby and toddler years with him, those were some of the best of my life.

I think when you are a single parent you just get on with it - there's no waste of space dude not pulling his weight, you know you do all the night waking etc and for it is somehow more manageable than wondering if you will get any help.

Husband came with DSS - 2 years older - and they very quickly became close siblings still are in their mid 20s. Then we had DD. That was lovely in many ways but when you have multiple kids you're dealing with arguments, crowd control etc It can be a bit us and them - parents v kids.

For the past few years it has just been DH, DD & me and having just one child at home is so easy. As a three, we are an Us, same as DS & I were.

So - swings and roundabouts. I am so glad I have all three of my kids but just one at home is much more peaceful.

Pinkissmart · 05/08/2026 16:22

Where your child is at is a phase, it’s hard, but it generally passes.
My bigger worry would be the lack of unity in your marriage

Bakeittillyoumakeit · 05/08/2026 16:27

Mine is 20, never regretted it for a second. I found having one child much easier than any of my friends with 2!

ManyATrueWord · 05/08/2026 16:30

I feel a slight pang every other year or so that we had one. But seeing how NOT close so many adult siiblings are plus seeing how people end up alone anyway means that I have come to terms with it.

Fluffybuns88 · 05/08/2026 16:32

Yes I regretted it but the choice was largely taken out of my hands until a surprise baby after a 14 yr age gap.

I would have absolutely regretted having 2 if my husband was useless though and probably would have grown to resent him for it.

AgentJohnson · 05/08/2026 16:38

I was ambivalent but DD 19 was and still is, an absolute joy and you don’t win the lottery twice! I’d think I’d regret having two more than I could regret stopping at one.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/08/2026 16:44

No. I didn’t have a choice as my marriage imploded when DD was 3 and I was in my 40s by then but never had any regrets or wistfulness about what could have been and I probably wouldn’t have had another if I could. I love having one, I have a great relationship with her and have been able to give her more than if I had had multiple children.

Also as a single parent it would have completely derailed my finances if I had had more.

Dweetfidilove · 05/08/2026 16:45

No regrets. I knew fairly quickly that 1 was my number, and I'm happy I stopped there.

lessglittermoremud · 05/08/2026 16:47

I still look at newborns and long for another and I’ve already had more then one so I’m not sure that feeling really passes. Newborns and babies are just so cute! However I had 2 very close together (16 months apart) because I wanted my first to have a sibling and had this idea that they would be great friends….
They hate each other, have nothing in common and their bickering and squabbling meant we had to do a loft extension because they couldn’t share a room……
In your shoes, given that your DH doesn’t help I would hesitate to have another, my DH had always been really hands on and our 3 have given us moments where we’ve disliked each other 🥴😂

Hmmmmwineandchocs · 05/08/2026 16:49

Nope me and fellow one and done mums are all
happy with our decision.
Sorry your having a tough time right now.

SandwichesAndGingerBeer · 05/08/2026 17:09

So far I don’t regret it! I don’t think I have capacity for two, I find the mental load and lack of personal space quite overwhelming at times, and that’s with an excellent partner who is a fabulous dad and amazing round the house.

Son is starting school in September and I’m excited about the next phase, ready to move on from the nursery years and very glad that we’re not going to have to navigate nursery for a younger one alongside school.

Son has yet to display any interest in having a sibling despite most of his friends having a baby brother or sister in last couple of years.

OneDenimLeader · 05/08/2026 17:30

Nope I was one and done, always had a house full of kids when he was little and he was never a lonely child. I even got sterilised when he was 4 as I was determined I didn’t want anymore.
He’s now 30 we’re so close I know if I had another I’d struggle to share my love with another child if that makes sense.
i think you and your DH need to sit down and work as a team when it comes to discipline as you’re making a rod for your back and doing yourself no favours

Any1ForTennis · 05/08/2026 17:32

I only had one, my only regret is not having more grown up children in my life, e.g sitting round the Xmas dinner table but absolutely no regrets about not bringing up more than one. Hope that makes some vague sense!

gingercat02 · 05/08/2026 17:35

God no, my only is 18 and about to go to uni. Wouldn't have it any other way 😁

PetrolFrogs · 05/08/2026 18:07

I wanted more, but now child is 5 I think I’ve accepted that I couldn’t do it again. Now the early years are done and I can just do activities with 5 year old and not have to consider the logistics of what to do with a younger child as well.

DarkForces · 05/08/2026 18:11

14 years on and don't regret a thing! In fact I'm glad I have only got to go through the teenage years once and she's really not that bad. Plus I can see the end to term time holidays, being a taxi and being able to retire a little early as we've only one to put through university

operationplaytime · 05/08/2026 18:16

No regrets. Mine is 11. I really love our life with only one child to manage. He has loads of friends (a lot of whom are only children themselves) and we do loads with him. I highly recommend!

Original poster
nadineed · 05/08/2026 18:26

Apart from my friend who has 5 kids I don't know anyone with more than 2 including members in my family.

Its not even being pregnant, or the newborn stage that puts me of it's these horrific toddler years.

I literally don't know how people can have more than 1 to be honest, it is relentless and such hard hard work.

My best friend had her kids in the late 90s (she's 16 years older than me) and she says back in her day it was a lot different, but having said that all her kids have struggled in life due to various issues ( getting into trouble with the police etc) and she acknowledges that she should of really had only 2 at max.

OP posts:
Alba1981 · 05/08/2026 18:43

I'm one and done but sadly not through choice. Had my daughter at almost 40 and fell pregnant again a year later but lost the baby. Menopause came early at 41 so no chance to try for another.
I wish my daughter had her sibling obviously but we've come to terms with being a triangle family now and tbh it's easier! No worrying about how to manage school drops and nursery pick ups, siblings arguing and fighting etc. Financially its easier with one.
Only you and your partner can decide whether bringing another one in to the mix is realistic but it sounds like you may be happy as you are.
As my old granny used to say "what's for you will no go by you"

operationplaytime · 05/08/2026 19:21

I found the first 5 years so hard after a shit birth, PND and doing a lot of it on my own as barely any family help. Mine was also a handful with ages 2.5 - 4 being particularly horrendous.

I contemplated another briefly when he was about 5 and things got a bit easier but quickly decided I couldn’t go through that again.

He’s 11 and the last 4 years have been really great and I’m so relieved we stuck at 1 and genuinely enjoy parenting now!

Allswellthatendswelll · 05/08/2026 19:25

My advice is to seee how you feel when your DC is 4. You might feel more like it then or you might feel hell no! I think a 5 year gap can be brilliant.

I am doing the same about a third child- waiting until DC2 is at least 2, maybe 3! (Would be much longer if I was younger).

bumblebee3122 · 05/08/2026 20:01

I would have loved another but it didn't happen. I had a miscarriage and I just couldn't face it happening again. Turns out it was probably for the best as DH is on Sodium Valporate. DS has autism - is pretty high functioning. DH started the SV about 2 weeks before DS was conceived and there is now evidence to show this can cause neurological defects. If we had had another child they could have been considerably neurologically challenged. I don't know how we'd have coped. So one and done it is