Anyone end up regretting being 1 & done?

[nadineed]

I always thought I would have at least 3/4 kids as I am 1 of 4 and even my aunts and uncles always had multiple children so I grew up in a big family.

I have a DC who is almost 3 and to be honest I really feel as if I am one and done.

The birth was life threatening but and I caught multiple infections subsequently but even that didn't put me off as I wanted DC to have a sibling(s).

I used to be quite vain and even the stretch marks, the skin on my belly didn't put me off as I really wanted more kids during the new born phase as back in the new born days I found it quite easy to be honest.

But the last year has been truly horrific in terms of his behaviour.

Constant tantrums (especially when we are out).

The constant whining and crying if he dosent get his own way.

The spitting.

Throwing things at me.

He was a brilliant sleeper until 10 months and I am still waking up multiple times a night (about 3/4)).

I am just exhausted and drained.

OH is pretty useless and we have varying opinions on parenting which means we clash.

I just know I can never go through this again and when I think about dealing with 2 kids it would be too much for me to deal with.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and then regretted it?

No and neither does anyone I know, family or friends. It's definitely the right choice for you.

Think about the number of times you see posters ask "Why did you have another kid with him when you knew what he was like"

Yes I think it is, but I do have moments when
I see a newborn and think "awww" but then I am brought back to reality.

I think if you’ve always wanted more than one you should consider this carefully. Do you have to decide now?
I also found DC1 exhausting but by the time she turned three, I felt ready for another one. We went on holiday and it was actually relaxing.
It sounds like the fundamental issue is that you and your DH are not in the same page. Does he share the night wakings or is it mostly you?
If you can have a proper talk and come up with strategies to deal with the behaviour and sleep issues, you might be able to get to a much calmer place.
but I completely understand while you feel the way you do at the moment. Take care OP.

We would have liked another DC after our first (and that was a struggle, it seems I am a walking obstetric/gynaecological nightmare) but after five miscarriages I couldn’t go through another.
So we stopped trying and accepted it. We are truly blessed with DS, he has been a joy ever since his birth.

I’d recommend the book precious little sleep. It is not evangelical but has some strategies you can pick and choose from for children of different ages.

Im sooooooooo happy with my one, hes my best friend, no other child would compare!

We are very one and done, and I still do this with newborns! I love babies, and honestly I would love to want another but I just don't. One is totally right for us.
But do you have to decide right now? Can you give it another year or two?
Sounds like the wider issue is not agreeing on parenting (noone is 100% aligned but enough) and sharing the load? Why aren't you sharing the nights? have you for any support for his sleep?

DH and I deliberately conceived our second quickly (18m) after our first was born because we realized 2 things. 1- we wanted 2 kids and a sibling for DC1 more than anything. 2- we did not enjoy the newborn/ toddler phase at all and wanted it all over as quickly as possible. If we hadn’t have done it then we probably wouldn’t have had the energy to do it at all. We love our kids more than anything, but we are also very happy to know that we have reduced the tantrum and sleep deprivation years as much as we possibly could have safely. The important note about our choice and situation though is that we are very much a functioning team both in marriage and parenting which I think is a vital component in making our decision work.

My child is 8 and we chose not to have anymore. I had birth trauma and PND and found parenting so tough right up until he was about 5. I couldn't go through it again, as well as the guilt of giving another child a lovely, happy start when I struggled so much with my first.

I don't regret it at all. DH admits he sometimes feels sad about it but is extremely supportive and understanding. There were moments when DS was about 5/6 when it became easier when it crossed my mind a few times, but I reminded myself all the reasons it shouldn't happen. So be aware that you could feel the same at that point and change your mind.

But I'm past that now and absolutely love being a family of three. We hang out together, our house is peaceful, we have lovely holidays and decent disposable income (mainly due to me not taking a second maternity leave and sorting out my career). I know I can give my child fantastic opportunities which would be more limited if I had more children. So while I guess I do feel a bit sad sometimes that I didn't have a second, I don't regret the decision at all.

Slightly mixed feelings here. I got married quite young and then we waited a long time to have a child for various reasons - which felt right at the time. By the time DC1 was a year or so old, it felt too late to have any more babies for me. So on one hand, I do wish we'd started our family when we were younger and then had more than one. But equally, by the time we did, it was absolutely the right decision just to have one. He's fab, and I can't turn back time to my mid 20s / early 30s now, so I don't regret it - just think if I had my time again, I might make different decisions.

35 years on and I still don't regret it, never have and never will.

Delighted to be one and done! I have the (for me) life affirming experience of being a parent, while seeing some autonomy, freedom return to my life soon, and also to have the time/resources/head space to devote to my child and our relationship.

I was an only child of older parents and was very happy. I never wanted siblings

we did this too. Had 2 18 months apart. They played together really well as so close in age which made it easier. Also got the baby/toddler phase done fairly swiftly!

Same, I just had one and done 👍

I had a great pregnancy and birth but hated the newborn stage so i was 1 and done as soon as my daughter was here..she's 15 now and at no point have I regretted that decision. Most of my friends have at least two and I see the siblings argue and the planning that goes into a day out trying to please everyone and I feel grateful I only have one!

We have a great relationship and a nice life going out and holidays together bringing another into the mix we would have to compromise alot and I wasn't willing too.

I am 1 of 4 and don't speak to any of my siblings!

I have a DD aged 4, and I'm a single parent. I was pretty adamant when I was with her dad that I'd be one and done, and I think it would take meeting an absolute diamond of a man to have another, but really deep down I like the fact I pour all my resources into DD. She's not spoiled because as a single mum I have to run a tight ship, have finite income and I'm pretty strict, but I know she'll be better off with essentially double the resources from me than she'd get with a sibling!

Not massively helpful when OP has a 3 year old already... Neither is it answering her original question.

I have two. I always imagined 3. They're older now and there's no way I would have a third now, but I feel something is missing.
My oldest is autistic and has high needs. Both of them have (different) rare medical conditions which could have been fatal in both cases, and we were lucky in both cases they weren't more severely affected. Both spent a lot of time in hospital as babies
I felt if we had a third we would have to do so with the assumption that they would have a medical condition, autism or both. Even a child with no additional issues - I don't think we could have coped with everything and given every child enough. We felt like we were spread very thinly as it was.

So I know it was the right decision. I have no regrets from that point of view.
But there is a sadness about it too.

A massive hug 🫂 for you OP 💕
I always thought I'd have at least two kids, until I had one!
My daughter is my joy. She is 3 ½, bright, caring, beautiful, so clever.
But she didn't sleep through the night once until she was 28 months old. Like, not even close.
I don't know if I'd survive that level of sleep deprivation again if I got another poor sleeper.
Also I feel like I have more mental space than I have since she was born. Yes, there are moods and moments, but she is becoming more independent and can tell me what's up and I don't have to have that same constant vigilance that made me feel kind of insane.

I'm actually becoming a fun mum! I say yes more often! I host play dates and I offer to help out the mum's who have a toddler and a baby because I have greater capacity. I give Alice my full attention when we have coffee/babycino dates. I can prioritise her interests and wants, not just her needs.
And when we are having a tough, shitty three-nager day, it's just me and her. I don't have to manage anything or anyone else in that moment and that helps me stay calm(er) than I would if I had multiple noises at once/demands on me.

I might regret being one and done, but I can live with that regret far more easily than having another kid and stretching myself too thin and regretting that.

I always wanted two, then when DD1 was 2.5 things were very hard behaviour wise and I felt that maybe one was more than enough.

However when DD1 turned 6 we had a sudden change of heart and are now so so happy we had a second DD.

However I have a very supportive partner and we are on the same page regarding parenting which changes things significantly. I wouldn’t want to do it again if my partner wasn’t 100% in it with me.

YANBU

I felt the same way for about 14 years then decided i didn’t want to regret not having any more. Had my second when my first was 15 and i was 39!

I would have loved more but my body doesn’t do pregnancy very well so stopped at one. Not regretted it. She’d have made a fabulous big sister but she’s quite happy being an only.

Before having one, I always wanted 2.
Pretty much the minute he was born I knew I wouldn't do that again. The next 6 months only reinforced that knowledge.

He's 13 and I've never regretted not having another. I've never looked at a newborn and thought "aw". I looked at my mum friends who started producing more kids and wondered how they could do it.

I'm the middle of 3. Siblings are not all they are cracked up to be.