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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this view re autism frustrating

447 replies

Pleasenomorespiders · 04/08/2026 19:25

Somebody today tried to argue that autism is simply a 'gift' because people like Einstein supposedly had it, I suppose they're talking about people on the spectrum being more gifted and talented in some areas.
This person must surely realise it's a spectrum and has failed to mention how debilitating autism can be, how much people with it can struggle in every aspect of life and may never be able to have a 'normal' life.

Calling it a 'gift' is nice, they're only thinking about high-functioning individuals who as I say have heightened awareness and notice patterns, artistically or mathematically gifted, or whatever it may be. Autism is simply not 'just seeing the world differently'. Many individuals will never have a job or a relationship.

OP posts:
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KeeperOfTheSevenKeys · Yesterday 14:44

SleeplessInWherever · Yesterday 13:46

People do say it in person.

My sister has raised 2 kids, but when we talk about the lack of sleep we still get with an almost 10 year old she has for example said “oof, rather you than me!”

We also get “I couldn’t cope with that,” the occasional “not for me thanks,” a stranger told me on Sunday it looked “like hard work.”

They’re not talking about the child. They’re talking about the situation, and as the person in it - absolutely fine with that.

If anything I think it validates how bloody difficult it is.

That seems a bit different from telling strangers that you're glad their child is nothing like yours. Not to mention making insulting comments about soneones comments like a now deleted post did.

SleeplessInWherever · Yesterday 14:46

KeeperOfTheSevenKeys · Yesterday 14:44

That seems a bit different from telling strangers that you're glad their child is nothing like yours. Not to mention making insulting comments about soneones comments like a now deleted post did.

It’s the same sentiment. I’d expect anyone to look at the worst parts of our situation and think “well thank god that’s not me or mine,” that’s just the normal human response IMO.

KeeperOfTheSevenKeys · Yesterday 15:44

SleeplessInWherever · Yesterday 14:46

It’s the same sentiment. I’d expect anyone to look at the worst parts of our situation and think “well thank god that’s not me or mine,” that’s just the normal human response IMO.

Think, yeah obviously. But you don't have to voice (or type) every thought that pops into your head.

DefiantRabbit9 · Yesterday 16:15

I get why people say it and I appreciate the sentiment and the spirit it's said in but yeah it gets old. It's also very ignorant. I assume people saying this have never seen low functioning autistics.

Then there's the hollowness with which some people say it. If it's such a gift why don't you give them jobs?

LastMinuteAgain · Yesterday 16:35

Coldhot · Yesterday 12:58

I assume you’re referring to Uta Frith?
What she said is that some people (eg late diagnosed women) need help, support and a diagnosis iirc. She doesn’t think the diagnosis of autism necessarily fits this group though.

“This matters because diagnoses shape treatment, identity, and support. A wrong diagnosis can lead to the wrong help - or no help at all,” she said.

Exactly!

The misinformed people ranting about exclusion and misogyny clearly haven't actually read her publications!

In fact the most misogynistic part of the outrage around Uta Frith is the eagerness of social media advocates to shut her down for being an older woman, despite her decades of research, work and expertise.

Paradigms shift constantly - this one has shifted too far, to encompasses too much so it's becoming meaningless, or rather it often conveys misunderstanding, as it's understood to mean really very different things indeed by different people. It also leads to advocates telling parents they know nothing and have no right to speak because their "lived experience" of sleepless, thankless, isolating years of caring and fighting for a high needs child doesn't match up with quirky superpower narratives.

To say multiple things are not the same doesn't mean denying any of their existence or right to support.

Agasagas · Yesterday 16:57

LastMinuteAgain · Yesterday 16:35

Exactly!

The misinformed people ranting about exclusion and misogyny clearly haven't actually read her publications!

In fact the most misogynistic part of the outrage around Uta Frith is the eagerness of social media advocates to shut her down for being an older woman, despite her decades of research, work and expertise.

Paradigms shift constantly - this one has shifted too far, to encompasses too much so it's becoming meaningless, or rather it often conveys misunderstanding, as it's understood to mean really very different things indeed by different people. It also leads to advocates telling parents they know nothing and have no right to speak because their "lived experience" of sleepless, thankless, isolating years of caring and fighting for a high needs child doesn't match up with quirky superpower narratives.

To say multiple things are not the same doesn't mean denying any of their existence or right to support.

https://www.autism.org.uk/blog/challenging-misinformation-about-autism-using-evidence-to-correct-false-claims

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/news/our-response-to-professor-dame-uta-friths-new-paper

Her work being criticised is nothing to do with her being a woman but because it is at odds with decades of evidence and research.

Challenging misinformation about autism: using evidence to correct false claims

Dr Judith Brown is Head of Autism Knowledge and Expertise at the National Autistic Society. In this blog, she shares the latest evidence and research about autism to challenge misinformation in the news.

https://www.autism.org.uk/blog/challenging-misinformation-about-autism-using-evidence-to-correct-false-claims

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 17:05

Agasagas · Yesterday 16:57

NAS think a man can become a woman if he says so.

They just reflect the loud outspoken activist.

Agasagas · Yesterday 17:06

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 17:05

NAS think a man can become a woman if he says so.

They just reflect the loud outspoken activist.

Edited

🙄 Hardly

Coldhot · Yesterday 17:20

Agasagas · Yesterday 16:57

Pretty certain she’s very familiar with the research, far more than most are.

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 17:54

Agasagas · Yesterday 17:06

🙄 Hardly

Edited

It doesn’t sound like you are very familiar with NAS then.

Agasagas · Yesterday 18:23

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 17:59

What does that have to do with Uta Frith?That was 8 years ago and they’re still a well respected charity. The points they make re Uta Frith are what the majority of researchers, clinicians and the wider autism community believe alongside the fact that Uta Frith is bewilderingly out of touch. Maybe focus on the points they make instead of trying to deflect. You either think women and girls present differently and have a right to diagnosis or you don’t.

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 18:42

Agasagas · Yesterday 18:23

What does that have to do with Uta Frith?That was 8 years ago and they’re still a well respected charity. The points they make re Uta Frith are what the majority of researchers, clinicians and the wider autism community believe alongside the fact that Uta Frith is bewilderingly out of touch. Maybe focus on the points they make instead of trying to deflect. You either think women and girls present differently and have a right to diagnosis or you don’t.

‘Wider autism community’ in this context means loud online activists.

You links provide no evidence to rebut Uta Frith’s claims and merely repeat the position held by those without profound autistim that it is somehow better not to break up the single category because it might impact access to resources.

Agasagas · Yesterday 18:49

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 18:42

‘Wider autism community’ in this context means loud online activists.

You links provide no evidence to rebut Uta Frith’s claims and merely repeat the position held by those without profound autistim that it is somehow better not to break up the single category because it might impact access to resources.

Historically, about one female was diagnosed with autism for every four males (a 4:1 ratio), though some older clinical subgroups reported ratios as high as 10:1 or 15:1!!!Before updates to diagnostic frameworks (such as the shift toward recognising the female autism phenotype)many women and girls were left undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because diagnostic criteria were modelled primarily on externalized behaviors typical in young boys. Masking and camouflaging allowed many females to hide social differences.Co-occurring conditions like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or borderline personality disorder frequently led to misdiagnoses.

You may think this is ok, that women and girls should be shut out and those that were missed should just continue to be misdiagnosed or ignored however the vast majority in the field thankfully don’t.

Coldhot · Yesterday 19:07

Agasagas · Yesterday 18:49

Historically, about one female was diagnosed with autism for every four males (a 4:1 ratio), though some older clinical subgroups reported ratios as high as 10:1 or 15:1!!!Before updates to diagnostic frameworks (such as the shift toward recognising the female autism phenotype)many women and girls were left undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because diagnostic criteria were modelled primarily on externalized behaviors typical in young boys. Masking and camouflaging allowed many females to hide social differences.Co-occurring conditions like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or borderline personality disorder frequently led to misdiagnoses.

You may think this is ok, that women and girls should be shut out and those that were missed should just continue to be misdiagnosed or ignored however the vast majority in the field thankfully don’t.

Edited

Obviously people who need a diagnosis should be diagnosed, but many medical conditions aren’t split equally between men and women.

I absolutely hear what you’re saying re masking in women etc, and it’s great that increased awareness has led to more diagnosis and support for women.
We don’t necessarily need to think that unless diagnoses are split 50:50 there’s something wrong though.

Sunnibee · Yesterday 19:09

Agasagas · Yesterday 18:49

Historically, about one female was diagnosed with autism for every four males (a 4:1 ratio), though some older clinical subgroups reported ratios as high as 10:1 or 15:1!!!Before updates to diagnostic frameworks (such as the shift toward recognising the female autism phenotype)many women and girls were left undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because diagnostic criteria were modelled primarily on externalized behaviors typical in young boys. Masking and camouflaging allowed many females to hide social differences.Co-occurring conditions like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or borderline personality disorder frequently led to misdiagnoses.

You may think this is ok, that women and girls should be shut out and those that were missed should just continue to be misdiagnosed or ignored however the vast majority in the field thankfully don’t.

Edited

but there's also a possibility that its a neurotype that is more prevalent in boys.

Yourethebeerthief · Yesterday 19:12

Agasagas · Yesterday 18:49

Historically, about one female was diagnosed with autism for every four males (a 4:1 ratio), though some older clinical subgroups reported ratios as high as 10:1 or 15:1!!!Before updates to diagnostic frameworks (such as the shift toward recognising the female autism phenotype)many women and girls were left undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because diagnostic criteria were modelled primarily on externalized behaviors typical in young boys. Masking and camouflaging allowed many females to hide social differences.Co-occurring conditions like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or borderline personality disorder frequently led to misdiagnoses.

You may think this is ok, that women and girls should be shut out and those that were missed should just continue to be misdiagnosed or ignored however the vast majority in the field thankfully don’t.

Edited

Autism is more prevalent in males. I absolutely believe that many women (specifically late diagnosed adults) are being given a diagnosis of autism and it is complete nonsense.

TigerRag · Yesterday 19:18

Yourethebeerthief · Yesterday 19:12

Autism is more prevalent in males. I absolutely believe that many women (specifically late diagnosed adults) are being given a diagnosis of autism and it is complete nonsense.

What do you think late diagnosed adults really have?

I used to know someone who was diagnosed as bi polar. It was only after she started having serious issues relating to her medication, (basically caused some serious health problems) that someone decided she was autistic

likelysuspect · Yesterday 19:19

Its interesting because a lot of people are seeing misogyny in women being apparently misdiagnosed with EUPD when in fact it autism (maybe, maybe not)

But theres no similar cry for review of the many men who have ASPD, which is more or less the male equivalent

More women get diagnosed with EUPD, more men get diagnosed with ASPD, they are somewhat sexed for some reason, not sure why, a lot of the behaviours are similar, although not the same obviously

ASPD has a lot of overlap with some ADHD and ASD traits too.

Agasagas · Yesterday 19:23

Yourethebeerthief · Yesterday 19:12

Autism is more prevalent in males. I absolutely believe that many women (specifically late diagnosed adults) are being given a diagnosis of autism and it is complete nonsense.

Wow, now we see what autistic women are up against and it’s just appalling.

The gender gap is driven by diagnosis biases , male centric criteria and differences in how traits manifest across genders rather than pure biology.

The foundation of how autism is identified is inherently skewed by historical bias. Early landmark studies in the 1940s focused almost exclusively on boys, establishing a male stereotype for autism.There were skewed tools too.Standard clinical assessments were built around how autistic boys externalise traits, meaning they often failed
to capture the female phenotype. Studies show that girls often needed to exhibit more severe cognitive or behavioural challenges than boys to receive the same diagnosis.

Autistic girls and women frequently fly under the radar due to social conditioning and camouflaging. Girls are often highly motivated to copy social behaviours, allowing them to blend into peer groups. While boys may display visible distress or repetitive physical behaviors, girls are more likely to internalize their struggles, leading to exhaustion and anxiety rather than an obvious behavioral "disruption."

Autistic boys may develop highly visible interests (e.g., train timetables, machinery), whereas girls often possess special interests that mirror neurotypical peers (e.g., horses, literature, celebrities), making them less noticeable.

Because public and medical awareness is biased toward boys, girls face severe diagnostic delays.On average, girls are diagnosed significantly later in life than boys.Before realising they are autistic, women and girls are frequently misdiagnosed with psychiatric conditions like borderline personality disorder (BPD), generalized anxiety, depression, or eating disorders.

As diagnostic tools evolve to look past traditional male stereotypes, the gender gap continues to narrow rapidly. Accepting the old statistics at face value risks leaving millions of women and girls without the critical validation and support they deserve. That is not ok.

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 19:40

Historically autism was classical autism aka profound autism. Those individuals, male or female, could not mask or camouflage. What evidence is there that women who manage through life then pick up a diagnosis at 45 have the same condition as boys and girls with profound autism?

Agasagas · Yesterday 19:42

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 19:40

Historically autism was classical autism aka profound autism. Those individuals, male or female, could not mask or camouflage. What evidence is there that women who manage through life then pick up a diagnosis at 45 have the same condition as boys and girls with profound autism?

Define manage! They haven’t managed, they’ve been forgotten and misdiagnosed.

TigerRag · Yesterday 19:44

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 19:40

Historically autism was classical autism aka profound autism. Those individuals, male or female, could not mask or camouflage. What evidence is there that women who manage through life then pick up a diagnosis at 45 have the same condition as boys and girls with profound autism?

Many of us were misdiagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, etc

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 20:14

Agasagas · Yesterday 19:42

Define manage! They haven’t managed, they’ve been forgotten and misdiagnosed.

Hold down independent jobs, careers, family, finances, education. That is nothing like those with profound autism.

Pairlesssocks · Yesterday 20:14

TigerRag · Yesterday 19:44

Many of us were misdiagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, etc

Those all have rigorous diagnostic procedures so….