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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this entitled?

554 replies

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh · 04/08/2026 16:55

This doesn't apply to people with childcare or caring responsibilities, any sort of illness or disability which means they cannot work full time.
But I've seen a few people on here or social media basically saying 'I can do supply/care work/0 hours work and sometimes only get a shift or two a week, because my husband earns well.'

So they're pretty much choosing to swan about and avoid full-time work, because they assume their husband or partner will carry on in their high-earning, full time role.

What happens if this husband loses their job, becomes sick, or just decides they're sick of having to be the breadwinner?

I see it all the time on supply teacher pages,'Oh I've only had 1 day of work in 2 months but it's fine because my husband is the breadwinner!!'

There are other jobs where you could make a living, you just don't want to do them, yet you still want your dream forever house and luxury lifestyle. If it were the wife full-time and the husband taking the piss there would be uproar.

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · Today 11:07

emmas123 · Today 09:16

You described your own long term happy marriage as a unicorn - so I'm not sure 'so many' matches your own perception?

Divorce rates are at ~50%. Separation of unmarried couples (both with or without children) is higher. Separation is more common in the early years of children in relationships. Separation is higher amongst lower-income families. If you had a greater than 50% chance of getting into a car accident, wouldn't you wear a seatbelt? I'd also want to make sure I was personally responsible for buckling my own as well.

It's a risk. An obvious risk. This isn't personal, this isn't a reflection of happy or not you were in your marriage. A spouse can die earlier on into their career and not give the surviving partner the comfortability of a fully paid in pension, for example. I've been with my husband for 25 years and married for 17 years so far, however he has a health condition that will require major surgery in the next couple of years, so his long term health and ability to continue to work FT is not guaranteed (like any of us, I guess) so for my own and my families' sake, I'm grateful to give us the security of my own means of earning.

This is about a clear risk where any party is financially dependent on another in a relationship, with far fewer long-term earning opportunities (should the relationship dissolve for whatever reason). This is a statistical fact.

We didn’t make the decision in isolation and looked at the risks;
all savings in my name
voluntary contributions to state pension
private pension
beneficiary of life insurance
Dh and I have been together for 38 years so splitting up seems unlikely, however should it happen we are both financially protected.

SwirlyGates · Today 11:45

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh · 04/08/2026 17:04

I can see why, but I would honestly rather work than take advantage of my husband.

Then maybe you should be grateful they're not competing with you for jobs.

godmum56 · Today 15:58

Spiderx · Yesterday 22:57

I disagree. Because it has been traditional roles . I.e. the husband works and " keeps" his wife, some parts of society have been slow to change away from this so it is still accepted as the norm.

and I disagree with you.

PleaseDontTreadOnTheDaisies · Today 17:52

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh · 04/08/2026 17:08

Probably not much more to say, I just find it a double standard and it comes from the idea that men are expected to be the providers and work full-time. Men will be slated for this most of the time.

Maybe it's a double standard, but so many women find themselves doing the wifework anyway whether they work FT or not, so maybe it's justified.
There are still a fair few men around who actively don't want their wives to work, and are happy to come home to clean house & dinner on the table, so I think it's unfair to make out she's sponging off her husband. Marriage is a partnership, with unpaid domestic labour done majorly by women being grossly undervalued by society (although not in the divorce courts, where it is seen as an equal contribution).

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