Boyfriend making it about him

[PinkLipsticks]

I am in my 40s, a lone mum with a 2yr relationship. At the moment I am doing lots of job interviews as my fixed-term contract is expiring. It is nerve-wracking to say the least and I am knackered and fraught, unable to truly relax on summer holiday with the kids.

Boyfriend (who doesn't live with me) has a stable, long term job he likes, but has kind of copied my recent activity and is now scouring lots of job sites for himself. He previously had no reason or wish to change, but instead of cooking me dinner and being my support during this time he is asking me to look over his CV and saying he's busy doing his LinkedIn and so on.

AIBU to think he should just stop and be stable for me these few weeks of intense interviews and stress? I feel upset and kind of like he is copying me and vying for the sympathy/attention,

YABU: No, he should be allowed to do his own time-consuming job search right now that needs engagement and support.
YANBU: He should stop and be supportive.

eta: And can anyone explain this behaviour?

He does get annoyed with people at work when they don’t listen to him/do his ideas. Maybe he just isn’t getting the ego feedback he requires from the world and is insecure.

I don’t see the problem with this really. He’s entitled to job hunt if he wants to.

If you were married with shared children it might be different but you are two independent family units.

While I can see why it might be irritating that he’s copied you, ultimately its up to him.

The problem isn't him looking for a new job - it's the choice to do this at the exact same time as the OP (when she is under time pressure and he has no immediate need), and expecting OP to focus on his needs instead of her own and not being available to give her any support. Whenever she has a problem, he'll have a bigger one. Whenever she needs help, he will not he available because he will suddenly have his own all consuming thing going on.

And god help her if she ever became ill.
This type, like a lot of men, simply cannot cope.
My friend is suddenly incapacitated and her spend thrift husband of 30 years is stressed and snappy.

He goes on a lot of solo trips as she has always been the main earner and his trips will likely be impacted.

He is very quiet as well.
Very quiet, selfish and so focused on his needs being met.

He has already suggested that she move in with one of her two younger sisters, to be looked after so he can go on holiday.

Her sisters quickly told her absolutely no way.
Unlike her, they have children at home, work full-time and have no intention of being used so he can go on another walking/cycling/sailing trip.

Things are tense. I am being somewhat supportive, but have told her to look at paying for a private stay somewhere if he is determined to go on his holidays.

Expecting her sisters to care for her when they are so busy with their families, and she has a perfectly healthy husband who simply doesn't want to, is completely unreasonable.

I have been sympathetic but frank, in a similar situation I would be ending my marriage.
I wouldn't see the point of remaining married to him.

I suspect he won't go.
Not that he cares about her, but because the optics will be too stark and will draw huge attention.

That’s so awful. That poor lady.

Because your job hunt put pressure on him to be a little bit supportive. That pressure to put you ahead of him for just a little bit brought out a really unattractive side he's kept hidden until now. There's a deep streak of entitlement there.

If you or your kids got sick, he would get sicker. He expects your attention and when you're focused on something else, he either competes with you or tries to get your attention back on him. At its core, he was trying to sabotage your job hunt.

Poor woman - I hope she leaves him. I think that when a person is generally kind and supportive, they can be in situations for a long time before noticing that support and propping up is only going one way! But once you see it, you can't unsee it. Nor should you. That's the time to get out of these relationships and start putting themselves first!

Thanks to everyone posting helpfully, it was nice for me to have some company in my thoughts.