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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what is the largest wild animal you could fight off?

263 replies

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:14

You’re walking in the countryside. An animal resents your presence and it goes for you.

One simple question.

What is the largest wild animal you think you could successfully fight off?

It doesn’t have to be a British wild animal. Feel free to choose a Koala or a Baboon, etc. if you wish.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 04/08/2026 14:46

I reckon the biggest UK animal I could beat in a fight is a swan.

@Nolongera Well you are braver than me. I would run like hell if a swan went for me. Admittedly I am a bit (more than a bit) bird -phobic, but in my defence I have had one or two hairy experiences.

When I was about 6 I was accidentally locked in a car with a live turkey. Thanks Dad!

Then there was the time in a French zoo, about 20 years ago, when we went to watch feeding time with the vultures and one of the ugly b***ds decided it was more interested in me than the food - took a bite out of the map I was holding and pecked my feet.

I am also very nervous around seagulls.

In fact I am not too keen when a bold little robin comes too close when I am eating my sandwich

In short I couldn't hold my own against anything feathered.

I could probably shout fiercely at a fox if I had too but would be careful not to corner it.

Maybe I could whack a fish but not if it was something big like a pike. However, I cannot imagine in what circumstances I would need to defend myself from a fish.

ThePeppyOpalScroller · 04/08/2026 14:47

I could take a squirrel. If it wasn't too big, or too angry.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 04/08/2026 14:50

My neighbour tried to evict one of those Bengal cats that had come in through her cat flap. She ended up in A&E. Cat was fine

Tsham · 04/08/2026 14:56

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 04/08/2026 12:55

Also anyone saying badger, this year there was a story about an angler needing stitches from a badger attack!

But crucially, he survived. I’m not suggesting people will come out unscathed.

OP posts:
OtterlyAstounding · 04/08/2026 15:00

Tsham · 04/08/2026 14:56

But crucially, he survived. I’m not suggesting people will come out unscathed.

I think a big difference in success is also whether the person is randomly attacked by the animal, or if they know going in that it's a fight to the death. I think I'd do much better if I knew I had to kill it, as otherwise I'd probably shrink away from hurting it, even if it was injuring me!

Moederbuffly · 04/08/2026 15:00

I opened my little book of mindset quotes at random today and it said laugh a lot, it resets your nervous system.. This thread has had me laughing! But now I'm wondering if I'm just brave or stupid, on my daily walk, I come across a lot of woodland and wetland creatures, I've picked up many a big swan thats got stuck and is in a panic. I have been inadvertently hit by flapping wings, it hurts a bit, but nothing as yet broken. I walk through a field of cows too and push them out of the way when they are all crowded around the gate. However, I did go to pick up a stag beetle who was on the path to move him to safety and he reared up at me, i left him to it 😁

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2026 15:12

My finest Sporting moment was a combination of speed, agility and determination when I was 15. We'd gone on a caravan holiday in the Cotswolds with my brother, his wife and their 'orrid little 3 year old (as most 3 year olds are) to a place with five fishing lakes, as apparently my brother being absent all day and most of the night carp catching in the pissing rain made a great holiday for all concerned.

The 3 year old had been less than pleasant all week and I was up early giving him breakfast, taking out the rubbish, that sort of thing when he decided he wanted to go out - with one of those lakes exactly 10 foot away, I said no, wait for Mummy and I'll be back in a second. His response was to sink his teeth into my knee, at which point my mother emerged to bollock me for telling him what to do and to stop bullying him. So I left him to her and took the bin bag to the disposal point, feeling a bit hard done by, but it was normal with the Golden Child of the Golden Son and it was quite pleasant as it had stopped raining for the first time since we arrived.

As I came back, I heard loads of hissing and flapping. My mother had let him go out alone and he had been cornered by two very angry swans and their equally pissed off giant grey youngsters right by the edge of a fishing platform.

I sprinted over, dodging angry hissing bastards, dived through the middle of the two adult swans, tucked the ungrateful little git under one arm, got up, jumped over an angler's unattended entire tackle setup, around two cars and got back to the caravan to deposit the kid back at the caravan with the swan family still in hot pursuit, thinking I was brilliant and I'd saved him from getting drowned from being so strong and fast.

I got bollocked for stopping him playing and deliberately making him cry.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 04/08/2026 15:17

I reckon I could take a Blue Whale if the fight is on my territory.

RestlessSnail · 04/08/2026 15:21

Tsham · 04/08/2026 09:31

Yes, I was saying that despite the sharp teeth and claws, I could take one down. However, others have put me straight. It’s clear if I encountered a badger it would not end well (for me).

I've watched badgers in our garden for the last 5 years.

They're fantastic & fascinating animals with quite individual characters and preferences.

They've gotten an unfair reputation for aggression & are actually pretty timid creatures. Their defences evolved when they lived with bears, wolves etc so now they are kind of like predators with a prey mindset.

If you encountered one it would probably run away as fast as its little legs would carry it!

That said, they are super strong and have a hardcore bite on them, so if you cornered one & they were afraid & unable to run away you wouldn't come off well at all.

They can also be v aggressive with each other, but not with humans or other animals unless provoked.

NB I'm talking about European badgers here, not honey or American.

confusedlots · 04/08/2026 15:22

I once was attacked by a kangaroo in Australia. They are strong animals and thankfully a male
friend was with me and he eventually managed to prise it off me. Was very scary!

RestlessSnail · 04/08/2026 15:23

user90756423298 · 04/08/2026 09:27

No. Without a weapon you wouldn’t last a minute with a vexed badger - they have super sharp long claws and vicious teeth, plus they are quick and made of some sort of concrete I think, the damage they do to a car! They are not at all like the fellow from wind in the willows…

What do you mean by "the damage they do to a car?".

50, 000 badgers are killed by cars every year. Pretty sure the cars come off fine, the badgers not so much😥

AmyDudley · 04/08/2026 15:26

I once nearly had my leg humped clean off by a massively over sexed Jack Russell. It's owners (elderly relatives) just sat there grinning while the thing gripped me like a flight sock.

ImthatBoleyngirl · 04/08/2026 15:28

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 04/08/2026 09:19

I couldn't even fight off a slug. Literally. I tried to avoid one on a path and tore ligaments in my ankle.

Haha this would be me!! 🤣

NearlyNewNonny · 04/08/2026 15:35

Two pages deep into replies and everything mentioned so far could easily take me down. The badger made me laugh because I've seen one go ballistic and there's no way I'd come out on top.
I am, however, the proud owner of a standard 'wild boar' wire-haired dachshund so I should be OK. Dachshund is German for badger dog, bred to bravely enter into battle with said beasts, although the only thing mine has ever hunted is a neighbour's guinea pigs.

MyLeftArmpit · 04/08/2026 15:36

A bear 🐻

lulubalu · 04/08/2026 15:37

corblimeymlud · 04/08/2026 09:35

I think I could take on a rabbit 😂

My cat brought a live rabbit home one day and I was surprisingly terrified of it, I definitely wasn't taking it on, it scared the 💩out of me jumping around the room.

Tsham · 04/08/2026 15:38

Thanks for all the great responses.

I’ve started to think about whether I could fight of a reasonably sized crocodile by jumping onto its back, covering its eyes, and then running away very fast.

OP posts:
Oreosareawful · 04/08/2026 15:41

I’m an equestrian and will happily face off a 600kg horse, so I’m going to say I could take on a zebra 💪

pastadish · 04/08/2026 15:42

A rabbit sized animal I might be able to manage. Anything bigger than that I’m a goner

ScottBakula · 04/08/2026 15:45

I am only 20 mins worth of post into this thread and I have had more laughs than I have done in in a very long time on mn .
Thank you @Tsham
I will come back when I have thought of what I could fight off

cardibach · 04/08/2026 15:48

According to those ‘what animal can I lift’ websites I can deadlift a medium sized deer, though that would require it to lie down and be still.
I’m not a natural fighter either. I’m quite good at catching live mice (cat owner) so definitely them.

SerendipityCat · 04/08/2026 15:54

Well, I unsuccessfully fended off a wasp in the garage a couple of weeks ago. I thought I’d discouraged it, but the little bastard got under my T-shirt when I was bending over rummaging in a box. Stung me twice before I could do anything about it, so 2-0 to the wasp.

Other than that, I still bear the scars from when I was trying to get next-door’s hellbeast cat out from under the sink cupboard (don’t ask), so I’ve zero confidence in my animal-fighting abilities, really.

distinctpossibility · 04/08/2026 16:00

I think a fox but I would only attempt it if I was fully clothed.

Digerydont · 04/08/2026 16:08

Chiuaha, if I had my DMs on. Otherwise, I would leg it.

Shinyhappyapple · 04/08/2026 16:15

A rabbit ? But I hate the idea of harming something, even if it wanted me for dinner.

(excluding spiders - I will not share my house with them).