AIBU to refuse a bungalow when downsizing for our forever home?

[Opie1]

We live in a 4 bed detached house on a new build estate (30 years old now but you know what I mean).

im 45. DH is 55. We have no kids at home now so have been talking about downsizing. We want to live out in the countryside and I was thinking cottage/farmhouse … however DH seems to have it in his head that we need to move into a bungalow. I hate bungalows, I think they’re for the elderly. Every one he’s shown me has been grannyish inside and 60s/70s vibe on the outside. Not how I had envisioned our forever home at all.

AIBU to refuse to move to a bungalow?

I'd think of it as future-proofing. There may well come a time when you need to move to a bungalow, and it will be much more daunting doing that when you're in your 60s or 70s.

I know that you've had responses to this but I do wonder if the new, over 70, driving checks will have an effect. There's more of a duty of care being put on GP's with even more proposals. I have relatives in rural Wales, the difference is that they've grown up walking the hills, unless that's your hobby, to start at nearly 60, won't have the same effect on your body/aging, you'll struggle. Unless you have local family, if you have any procedures etc, it means time in rehab, rather than going home. My relatives actually go to Liverpool for some treatments/conditions. If a aging couple supports each other, that's then an issue, when one can't do their part. People usually have solid support systems, going in as newbies can leave you stranded. Especially if you are like a lot of MN and keep yourself to yourself. You've got to embrace village life and the other residents. The holiday homes/air B&B have had an impact on rural life. As said, so have public transport cuts, low birth rate and lack of opportunities.
We are lucky that we are in an area with new build, shared ownership bungalows, it's just future planning. We've gone for an apartment. I'd rather volunteer than have a garden to be tied to. The health conditions that our peer group are getting, on approaching 60, have come out of the blue and no, it isn't because they smoke/don't exercise/are fat etc.

This, you are futureproofing your husband is my age we are looking for houses and yes bungalows that will see us into old age, i think you can look at other houses but if you don't plan on moving again you need to think about stairs and low maintenance living i think.

We moved from a ground floor apartment to a house (20 odd years ago) snd couldn’t work out why our legs were aching in the first few days. We’d not had stairs for the previous 5 years!

Yeah, I see living in the country as a bad move for retirement... I suppose it made sense when every village had a shop and a pub and a post office, but I think these days you really want to retire to in or near a town centre. Bungalow seems not a bad idea it itself - you can always redecorate to a less 'granny' style.

I love this . How refreshingly different from some AIBUs

OP - we're thinking about doing X Y or Z
Posters - We think that isn't a great idea for these reasons
OP - good points we might not do X Y or Z after all.

That's rather made me smile.

OP has a very outdated view of bungalows. Increasingly bungalows are purchased by young couples/families as they are cheaper and then modernised with large open plan arrangements and large double height galleries extending into the roof space. Certainly where I am it’s a common sight and increasing trend in recent years.

My main issue (certainly in my small market town which has been a suggestion on the thread) is that at least half of the 2 bed bungalows here (they have large gardens and were all built together) have been extended and converted into a 4/5 bed family home with a garden office and upstairs bedrooms. This means that the ones that are left on one level with 2 bedrooms are incredibly expensive due to scarcity.

I think I'd rather put the money towards a 2 storey home with room for a stairlift.

I do get what you are saying OP, but I wouldn't just dismiss all bungalows out of hand.

In my part of the country they form the majority of the housing stock in most villages, so you'd be limiting your options quite heavily if you excluded them all on principle. They tend to have good sized gardens and increasingly have been refurbished to a high modern standard inside.

Plus as PP have said, it's fairly common for them to have been extended into the roof so are no longer true bungalows anyway.

We’ve got loads of 70+ in our village
we have a shop, two pubs and most importantly a primary school- keeps the place energetic.
those saying they will put in a stairlift- are there any situations where one can’t be installed? Eg narrow stairway

A bungalow is likely to mean you won’t have to move again.

My mum has always talked about ‘bungalow legs’. Just make sure you stay fit if you’re all on one level.

Bungalow legs is a lot of rot.

It's much better to have a bungalow and keep fit. If and when you eventually become less mobile there's no problem.
If you stay in a conventional house and the only exercise you do is go up stairs then if you become less mobile you're buggered or have to put a lift in.

I have a bungalow that was 100% dated when I moved in. I've completely renovated it to my taste and I love it.

Benefits of a bungalow -

• No stairs to heat, carpet, clean
• I've put french doors out from all the main rooms. I can step out into the garden from my bedroom, study, kitchen and sitting room. It's the lightest and airiest house I've ever lived in
• Bungalows tend to be on generous plots, have a drive and often a garage
• Because they are popular with older people the neighbourhood is quiet. No pensioners on trampolines down my street.
• I can clean all my own windows from the ground
• Maintenance is easier without the need for tall ladders

I wouldn't move, but if I did so again it would be to a single storey house.

Just a gentle word. Mum and her DH, 90 and 83 now have: her: acute atrial stenosis (treated with TAVI), Meningioma, basal ganglia infarcts, Parkinsons, mild dementia; him: polymyalgia, arthritis, two replaced knees, v high bp, diabetes. Frailty arrived swiftly and they were set on downsizing two years ago but the ship sailed.

Thank fuck they live in a chalet bungalow with two beds and a bathroom downstairs.

I would seriously think about the rural aspect and look at the facilities carefully.

My parents live on a farm, now late 70's. They will be trapped when they can't drive. The nearest small town is 5 miles away, the nearest shop is 3 miles away. No public transport to either town. They are having a stair lift installed soon so that my mum can still get upstairs.

I have lived in a bungalow for 20 years now. It is small but is only a 2 bed. There are some in my road that have been extended and are 4-5 bed, and lovely inside. They are very popular with older couples, because the GP, shops, town hall etc, is all within walking distance.

Our cul-de sac has always been a real mix of young familes, working people and retired people.

As long as your current home can fit a stairlift, a downstairs shower room with enough space to shimmy in a wheelchair and a downstairs bedroom / dining room then you should be safe to stay where you are.
Moving isn't cheap, neither are taxis when you can no longer drive. That money could used to adapt what you have.

My mum is in the process of having her cataracts done, a really common op, boring part - you can't always drive after having the first side done as your eyesight isn't always balanced. She's waiting for eye two to be done and it'll be around two months of not driving. She lives somewhere in a small town that is walkable and on a bus route, she'd be screwed in the back of beyond if she had to wait for taxis.

I’m with you on this one, OP. Bungalows are ugly. The North American of a basement, or the equivalent of a ground floor flat. Yes, people live in them, but they’re not the first or favourite option for most.

My dsis lived in what could technically be called a bungalow, but it was so much more. Very detached in over an acre of land rolling down to a river. Built by a disciple of Frank Lloyd Wright in the style of Falling Water.
But it was only one storey.
You never know OP - you could both find what you want in the same property!

This does not say 'elderly' to me. It's lovely.

Well I would just make a plan. Many people your age have seen at close hand how elderly people can struggle in very unsafe/unsuitable homes but be fiercely resistant to moving, because by then they can't cope with the upheaval.

Best thing is to drop the "forever" aspiration and promise your poor DC that you will cheerfully move to more practical housing if/when you need it. In the meantime enjoy that country cottage.

I am 50, dh is 54 we live in a large house in the country and we aren’t planning to downsize for at least 15 years.
Not sure what we will move to, where we live there aren’t many bungalows in the middle of the town within a very short walk of all the amenities

I know what you mean. I’m 66 and ideally do not want to live in a bungalow ever. I like going upstairs to bed. However, we have a disabled adult daughter living with us so really have no option. We’ve just started building a small but lovely bungalow with big windows and vaulted ceiling, I’m very excited! It’s the dated ones I don’t like.

45! Way too young to be thinking of old age !
I think of my lovely mother in law, moved into sheltered MCarthy Stone type flat relatively young, lived there until she was 94 until her last week in hospital. But I always felt a bit sad as really she wanted a bungalow by the sea. I’m more of a live for today kind of person!

Ooh that’s lovely! Despite the grey kitchen, I’m sure I’d cope though. Does anyone have a spare £600000 for two bedrooms ?!

I have mentally envisaged myself here in every season....

obviously i would dramatically transform into someone who does morning stretches by the log burner in the massive bedroom looking out onto the land before making my green juice matcha ooojamawotsit and taking a shower with all the Jo Malone products that I would obviously have on subscription....