AIBU to refuse a bungalow when downsizing for our forever home?

[Opie1]

We live in a 4 bed detached house on a new build estate (30 years old now but you know what I mean).

im 45. DH is 55. We have no kids at home now so have been talking about downsizing. We want to live out in the countryside and I was thinking cottage/farmhouse … however DH seems to have it in his head that we need to move into a bungalow. I hate bungalows, I think they’re for the elderly. Every one he’s shown me has been grannyish inside and 60s/70s vibe on the outside. Not how I had envisioned our forever home at all.

AIBU to refuse to move to a bungalow?

This ^

I live in a dorma. I was 43 when I bought it. I am very grateful as I have a large dog who's getting older and It's comforting to know she won't be struggling with stairs.
Having siad that you're not unreasonable to not move somewhere you won't like.

And near a bus stop!

Why are rural properties a bad idea for retirement? There's a lot of posters saying this. Surely as long as you are within reasonable distance to the nearest town/village and not in the middle of nowhere then taxis and online shopping are an option. Rural doesn't necessarily mean isolated.

We moved into a new build bungalow 2 years ago and absolutely love it. It has one big open plan living area that opens onto the garden and two really good sized bedrooms. There isn't anything grannyish about our bungalow.

Online shopping doesn't keep you company. Taxis are expensive and not always available when you need them.

Agreed, in my 50s the only physical limitation I have is a permanent injury from a fall down a flight of stairs.

I do enough proper exercise that a few trips up and down at home each day is inconsequential.

Telling OP to consider a bungalow seems a bit pointless as she wants a cottage) farmhouse. I can understand that, I don't think it's realistic to expect your forever home to be a cottage in the countryside unless you are both very fortunate in the future health-wise. You could find something future proof in that if it had enough downstairs living space you live downstairs if need be. Or let go of the forever idea and go with your dream house for the next twenty/thirty years or so.
A cottage in the county side might not seem so appealing if you get health problems, struggle to maintain the garden, hedges, use the stairs and can't walk to the shops etc.
I can see why you don't want to settle and you quite possibly have visions in mind if country living with a beautiful home with pots by the door and wooden stairs etc you need talk to him some more, neither of you are wrong.

Also, I’m 50 and DP is 53 - we’re not looking for our ‘forever home’ in the next move - I’m assuming and hoping we can manage somewhere rural, rambling or even with stairs for at least another 10-15 years.

Many hospitals have huge catchment areas and don’t offer all services. I’d never ever choose somewhere to live based on a hospital I might never need. Rural living in a village is just as good as a town in many ways. Often plenty going on but think twice if driving is an issue. I’d live in a bungalow if it was fantastic with a decent garden and space.

Have you ever had an injury (hip, ankle, knee) where walking was agony, that lasted more than 3 months?
I know not all older people, but a massive number, do get permanent conditions like this.
And exercising/looking after yourself does not guarantee you won't be one of these people, so I would think carefully. Flats with lifts are obviously ok too. Stairmaster? Ok, but when you're alone, what if it breaks?

@BillyBites Same with my dad and step mum. They have a gorgeous thatched cottage (bungalow I suppose) in the New Forest with plenty of fantastic neighbours who can help them if/when needed. Dad is 87 and SM is in her 70s but they still are out and about most days. The only issue is the garden is too big for them to manage now as Dad's mobility isn't great anymore but he has a fab mobility scooter that can go off road so doesn't stop them going for long walks in the forest.

Could you compromise on an older 1930’s built bungalow? They often look very “cottagey” and have more character? I’m with you on the 1960’s or 70’s bungalows because I hate the proportions, low ceilings and those very wide windows.

I lived in a bungalow from the age of 4-18 and can understand why you’re reluctant to move to one, OP. We’re in our 60s and 70s and are in the process of moving but wouldn’t have considered a bungalow. But we both have completely different tastes in houses so I cAn understand your dilemma!

He is unreasonable for insisting on a bungalow.
You are unreasonable for blanket refusing all bungalows.

Bungalow sounds like a really good idea if you're downsizing to a home you intend growing old in.

I do know what you mean about the old person vibe but you can change that. Internally it's pretty easy to drastically change the look of place proving the window placement's are good. Externally takes a bit more vision, but not impossible at all.

Having watched my in-laws amd my parents age all Id say is, if you want it to be your "forever" home and you've no reason to think you are going to die young, then a bungalow is a bloody good idea.

My in-laws have an almost bungalow - 3 steps down to the front door, 3 steps down from the back door to the garden. If only you know how much trouble those 6 steps have caused...

Exactly. It's also a load of nonsense to suggest that you can't POSSIBLY have a 'forever home' in a rural area. There are 100s of 1000s of people who live in villages/live rurally, (about 10% of the UK population,) and have done for many decades and are still there at 75, 80, 85, 90 or even older.

Most rural areas have a little shop and public transport, and those that don't have community buses several times a week, pharmacies that deliver, supermarkets that deliver food and whatever else you need, and most people still drive when they are very old. And those who don't have friends, neighbours, and family who help out.

People who are unable to drive and feel insecure and worried living out in the sticks will never move there in the first place. But it's nonsense to say that you can't have your forever home in the countryside.

I live in a bungalow, have done for 14 years, dh was disabled, I'm early 40s now, neighbours both sides are early 30s, single guy across the road early 40s. YABU

There is no reason to assume that all bungalows are "grannyish" inside. Many are modern and well-laid out. Plus, of course, there is a lot to be said for buying a doer-upper and getting it refurbished and redecorated to your own taste.

Bungalows are just flats but with no upstairs or downstairs neighbours and with their own garden. Fabulous.

Though I agree that stairs help keep you healthy.

This ^ But then we've never bought anywhere that didn't need renovating. I can't imagine buying somewhere that was already done to our fairly exacting standards.

I get that bungalows have a long standing association with the elderly, but anywhere can be made more contemporary and cool (if that's your style) with some imagination, design flair and money. They don't need to resemble a care home!

Our Georgian cottage (purchased in 2024 when we were early 50s) hadn't been touched since 1970 when the late owner bought it. The whole place was styled like a bland nursing home...but it looks absolutely nothing like that now as we're eccentric maximalists 😉

And I agree with the posters who said of course your forever home can be in a rural location! We'll hopefully be moving to ours in a couple of years 🤞

Agree with this - we spent years thinking we would move to somewhere rural but changed our minds having watched our friends deal with parents who did precisely that. They had moved 3-5 hours drive from them (Devon/Cornwall), could not help with DGC when young but expected the children to drop everything to drive down to take them to hospital appointments that were often an hour or so drive from their rural homes, because they could no longer drive or afford taxis at that distance. Also moaned because they never saw their adult kids because work, children meant they really could not take the time to visit more than once or twice a year, so they felt neglected

It’s same with large garden/grounds of these rural homes - lovely idea but eventually large gardens become a burden - when you are too old to maintain them, pensions too small to afford to pay a gardener to do it. We’ve actually bought a rather nice 3 bed flat in London for my DH’s job and DD to live it while at uni (she is autistic), and think that we’ll sell our primary home when DH retires in 5-10 years and move in there. Serviced building, concierge, multiple lifts. Perfect for an aging couple (and poss our daughter still). All the major hospitals within a few mins, along with public transport, shops and access to the arts, museums etc. No more talk of 10 acres, and raising llamas [my DH 🤦🏽‍♀️] or more spaniels [me]. And no more garden duty . Our 1/3 of an acre plot takes at least one full day a week of gardening, lawn mowing etc every week, plus annual costs of tree surgeons etc (see another thread on the cost of those).

I lived in a bungalow in my 30s.

I’d happily live in one again.

you sound prejudiced and ageist

We are in our 70s and about to move into town from a remote rural location, trying to be sensible. I am eyeing up every house we view as to its suitability to have a lift installed. Then we can call any two storey house our 'forever' house, as the stairs become increasingly challenging. I never thought it would happen to me, as I have always been active, but arthritis runs in my family and I am in constant pain now and trying to avoid stairs whenever possible.