Page 9 | To think my age gap / sugar baby relationship is nobody else’s business?

spicysugarbb · 2026-08-02T13:08:58+00:00

*AIBU to think people are being hypocritical about my relationship?* Throwaway for obvious reasons. I’m 29. Until last year I worked in an office job earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either. About 18 months ago I met a man in his early 60s. He’s very wealthy. Before anyone asks, yes, this is essentially a sugar relationship. He pays my rent, gives me a monthly allowance, takes me on holidays, buys me lovely gifts etc. In return, we spend time together, go out for dinner, weekends away and yes, we have sex. The thing is, it isn’t as transactional as people imagine. We do the whole “love you” thing, kiss goodbye, hold hands, cuddle on the sofa and so on. But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest. We’re genuinely fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, we’ll happily spend hours talking over dinner, watch films together, i look forward to his messages during the day, but neither of us is pretending it’s some sweeping romance. The issue is his family. He has children who are roughly my age. They’re polite enough to my face, but I know they judge me. I completely understand why they might. From their perspective I’m probably just some gold-digger waiting for their inheritance - despite the fact there’s a will to ensure I get nothing. But equally, they’re all financially comfortable because of him, so I do wonder whether they’re judging me for benefiting from his money while being perfectly happy to benefit themselves. A friend also found out recently and was horrified. She said I was “selling myself” and couldn’t understand how I could live like this. I don’t really see it that way. Plenty of people marry primarily for money or status and convince themselves it’s love. At least we’re honest with ourselves. So… AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business, as long as we’re both consenting adults who know exactly what the arrangement is? Or is everyone else right and I’m kidding myself?

OrangeSlices998 · 02/08/2026 15:53

spicysugarbb · 02/08/2026 14:32

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal
I do want children. But I don’t want the sort of life where I’m rushing out of the office to make nursery pick-up, throwing together dinner after a 10-hour work day, trying to cram family time into a couple of hours before bed, stressing about childcare every school holiday, or saving all year just to fly economy.

I’ve watched someone very close to me live like that and it just isn’t the life I want. If I’m going to have children, I want to be comfortable. I’d like to be around more, not constantly worrying about work or money, and to be able to enjoy things like travel.

If I’m a mum, I’d like to be comfortable (housekeeper, easy access to childcare, time and money to look after myself too) rather than constantly spinning plates.

So how does this set up get you to that then? Are you saving any money, working at all to maintain professional options? It’s not the choice I would want for my daughter, exchanging sex for her rent being paid, but you say you’re happy. Are you going to have kids with this man?

LeedsLoiner · 02/08/2026 15:54

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Lexy2345 · 02/08/2026 15:56

Doesn’t it bother you being paid to provide sex and companionship to an older man? You must have very low self esteem.

Breadcat24 · 02/08/2026 15:56

Sugar baby is a very sweet way of saying what you are doing. You are having sex for things and money right? If the things and money go so does the relationship?
If this fits your personal morals bang on (pun intended)

QuintadosMalvados · 02/08/2026 15:57

MidnightMeltdown · 02/08/2026 15:50

She’s clearly not that attractive if she’s dating a guy in his 60s! For attractive women there are younger wealthy men about.

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Maybe he's super wealthy and 29 is his favoured age.
Maybe guys of her own age are too busy playing the field whereas this guy just wants the one young woman.

Sorry, I don't really want to argue about this as I'm not buying the opening post.
No harm meant though.
I said I think it's a sly dig at working middle class mothers and that's my opinion of it.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 02/08/2026 15:58

You do you but I can’t like the kids won’t like it. I’m surprised they’re nice to your face tbh. I’d be fucking mortified if my dad was paying for a gf. Also, you’re spending their inheritance which never goes down well with rich people. I was a bit mortified when he started dating my now step mum when she was 35 and he was 60 but I guess could be worse.. he could have been paying her.

As I say, it’s up to you and as long as you’re safe and happy it’s all good, but yes you will be judged. You’re making an unconventional life choice and that almost always comes with judgement. As long as you’ve got savings and a pension, I’d be fine with it if you were my mate - but I’d be a bit concerned for your future in terms of long term planning.

Butchyrestingface · 02/08/2026 15:58

spicysugarbb · 02/08/2026 14:23

@minipie@IDasIX
I guess if this goes on for 10-20 years I’d have like to have received some more substantial gifts (house?) than simply jewellery.
Otherwise if this ends sooner I’ll be young and attractive enough to find a similar arrangement.

I thought others were being a bit harsh when they likened you to a prostitute. But you've quit your job. Sex with this guy is your only source of income, it seems.

I'm more interested in:

what kind of office job pays £100k to a person in their 20s?
what kind of life did you want that a £100k salary at age 29 not provide?

utahsainthood · 02/08/2026 16:00

Seeohbhan · 02/08/2026 14:41

I don't have a view on your own relationship with him, but you might be interested in the perspective of someone who's in a somewhat similar place to your partner's kids.

My parents were the same age as each other, worked, rose their family. My mum died when we were older teens, sooner than any of us would have expected.

My dad found another partner, a woman perhaps 10 years younger than him - so not a sugar baby. However she lives in a luxury fashiony type town, in continental Europe, like Milan or Monaco, and is generally very "fancy" - she likes the good life. I think she too would find a 100k salary as a single person so ludicrously low and "not the life she wants" that she thinks it nothing but reasonable for someone else to pay her bills.

Her and my dad have had an absolute ball - he's retired, has been quite well off in his time, they have had fun, done cruises, casinos, generally lived it up. I am happy to see him happy.

However he is now ill and we are looking at his finances. He's burned through loads of money and has not much left. I don't expect an inheritance but I know he will leave a chunk of the remaining money such as it is to his partner. There will be almost nothing left of 30 years of absolute graft on the part of my parents.

The reason I am angry about this is not that I want his money - I don't, it's his - but more her inability to understand where the money came from and her sense of massive entitlement.

We were there when my mum got up at 5am to commute into the city while also raising us, and while dad worked late into the night on urgent contracts. We were there for the painstaking discussions at the kitchen table about whether to expand the business and take on more risk, work more hours, or take a lower risk path. We were there for things that went wrong and things that went right. We saw my parents as a team.

She on the other hand is very entitled, very dismissive of my parents' efforts, and because she has basically been a ligger all her life she has no sense of how hard won this all was.

She'll get my dad's money, of course, but I can't help feeling sad on behalf of my mum, and the younger version of my dad that I remember, who worked for their family and lived a true and meaningful partnership of equals. I feel the money is wasted on her as she has no sense of its value yet at the same time sees herself as a massive catch, only prioritises money, is disdainful of people less visibly well dressed as she is (read - covered with stupidly expensive high fashion brands). My attitude to her is basically "she can have it, but it's a bit rich to swank about so much when she didn't earn it, and her value system is fucked."

My father is much diminished in my eyes with his new found chasing of status, bling, showing off and fancy clothes. His shallow but flashy partner shows an unpleasantly shallow and misogynistic side to him. He's wasted the fruits of my parents' effort in their marriage. To me he is a less admirable man now in many ways.

Maybe your partner's family see him the same way, think less of him, and mourn that.

Maybe they also see you in this shallow situation and conclude that you are happy with an emotionally rather limited life.

Thanks for posting this - off topic but my DH and I are like how you describe your parents. I’d hate to think this is what could happen if something happened to me. DH and I have actually discussed this briefly and his view was “well we’re just not wired like that are we” but who really knows? Your post has made me think about how to protect assets for my DC. Thank you and I hope life has been kind to you otherwise x

Overtheatlantic · 02/08/2026 16:00

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I’ve reported your utterly vile comment.

Itiswhysofew · 02/08/2026 16:01

Of course it's no-one else's business, but you are selling yourself. If you can reconcile that in your own mind, then fine.

What does he really think of you? If he sees you only as an object, that's not good.

Overtheatlantic · 02/08/2026 16:03

spicysugarbb · 02/08/2026 14:24

@Overtheatlantic May I ask why you stopped?

I think I just grew older, and met DH around 40. I always liked older men when I was younger but then the age gap narrowed. Enjoy yourself and don’t pay any attention to the negative comments.

NewDogOwner · 02/08/2026 16:04

'But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest.'

But you haven't actually discussed 'the truth' so there is nothing honest about this. For all you know, he really loves you.

Northernlassie123 · 02/08/2026 16:04

No judgement if this is a true story just wondering though if you aren’t worried about the test of your life passing you by? Is this stopping you meeting someone you will be with out of love and for the long term , maybe having kids f you want them ?or do you still date other people?

Loopylambs · 02/08/2026 16:05

spicysugarbb · 02/08/2026 14:18

@Bananacrepewithnuts
I can absolutely appreciate an attractive man my own age, and yes, objectively my boyfriend isn’t as physically attractive as he was 20 or 30 years ago. But physical attractiveness has never been enough for me on its own.

For me, a man’s ability to provide, make life easier, be generous and create experiences together is far more attractive than a six-pack. Personally, I’d get very little satisfaction from coming home to a male model if we were worrying about paying the rent, living in a tiny flat and arguing over whose turn it was to do the washing up.

Not very romantic but it’s how I feel - and I’ve been in plenty of relationships with guys my age!

This isn’t making much sense , if you were earning what you state you were , you could easily afford rent on a flat , or to buy a property , especially with a similar age partner , earning a fair amount. Do you intend dumping him when he reaches a certain age and has gifted you his inheritance? Do you want children ? A family ? A future ? or just a dependent old man ? If you carry on like this , when you’re 50 , are you going to look for an 80 year old and repeat ? Does he have Grandchildren yet , he spends time with ? Whats it like being a step Granny ? Doesn’t sound like a fulfilling life just to have your rent paid.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 02/08/2026 16:07

spicysugarbb · 02/08/2026 14:23

@minipie@IDasIX
I guess if this goes on for 10-20 years I’d have like to have received some more substantial gifts (house?) than simply jewellery.
Otherwise if this ends sooner I’ll be young and attractive enough to find a similar arrangement.

This answers the questions I was going to ask. Sadly though, the laws of diminishing returns means the next one will be tougher to find and probably not so rich or attractive for his age because the men will be going for hot young women.Hope you're investing wisely for your future, doubt the retirement age in your line of work is very high.

tsmainsqueeze · 02/08/2026 16:07

Even though this is nothing to do with anyone but you two, i know i would hate it if it were my father and i can see how your relationship could damage his family.
I know each to their own but i admit to finding this kind of relationship a bit distasteful, i do see women like you as gold digging but equally any man stupid enough to get involved , well more fool him.
You say there's more to it than this so if he means more to you now than the transactional relationship it started out as why not contribute financially to put your relationship on a slightly more financially stable footing and also maybe gain a little more self respect .

Overtheatlantic · 02/08/2026 16:08

BringMeWine448ew01 · 02/08/2026 14:28

The real problem you have is long term. This kind of relationship can leave you a bit damaged as well as not having legs long term. So you're going to wake up poor, used and middle aged.

I don't judge the transactional nature per se. I'm the primary earner in my family and now I have children, it's really made me wake up to how horribly unfair this position is. I make the money, work long hours in a job that i don't like but pays well, suffered pregnancies and long term health issues because of it, have always been the primary parent etc etc. While DH is an average middle aged man, an average father, free to pursue a low paid career, multiple hobbies and is therefore a shit provider. All my female colleagues find themselves in the same trap, except the ones who had the brains to marry men who also earn a lot.

I think there is value in more traditional marriage, which at least seemed to value women's sacrifice, in theory. You're trying to achieve that without the security of marriage though which is a fool's game, in my opinion.

This point, that you will “wake up poor, used and middle aged” is an important one; don’t be doing this much after the age of 35. Men can be players for longer, but women really do age out of the game. Make sure you have a Plan B and intellectual interests.

BackToLurk · 02/08/2026 16:08

"My relationship is no-one else's business" she said while posting asking for judgment on the judgiest part of a judgy website.

NotMajorTom · 02/08/2026 16:09

Either you’re shallow, entities and money focussed, or this is a total wind up.

i know which I think

thepariscrimefiles · 02/08/2026 16:12

patooties · 02/08/2026 14:20

You’re not a sugar baby - how ridiculous. You’re a prostitute and that’s fine. Julia Roberts you ain’t tho’
howling at you thinking it’s anything other than that.

if any of this is real btw.

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I also got 'Pretty Woman' vibes except that Richard Gere was fairly young and very handsome and didn't have adult kids who totally disapproved of their relationship.

Loopylambs · 02/08/2026 16:13