To think my age gap / sugar baby relationship is nobody else’s business?

[spicysugarbb]

AIBU to think people are being hypocritical about my relationship?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m 29. Until last year I worked in an office job earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either.

About 18 months ago I met a man in his early 60s. He’s very wealthy. Before anyone asks, yes, this is essentially a sugar relationship.

He pays my rent, gives me a monthly allowance, takes me on holidays, buys me lovely gifts etc. In return, we spend time together, go out for dinner, weekends away and yes, we have sex.

The thing is, it isn’t as transactional as people imagine. We do the whole “love you” thing, kiss goodbye, hold hands, cuddle on the sofa and so on. But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest.

We’re genuinely fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, we’ll happily spend hours talking over dinner, watch films together, i look forward to his messages during the day, but neither of us is pretending it’s some sweeping romance.

The issue is his family.

He has children who are roughly my age. They’re polite enough to my face, but I know they judge me. I completely understand why they might. From their perspective I’m probably just some gold-digger waiting for their inheritance - despite the fact there’s a will to ensure I get nothing. But equally, they’re all financially comfortable because of him, so I do wonder whether they’re judging me for benefiting from his money while being perfectly happy to benefit themselves.

A friend also found out recently and was horrified. She said I was “selling myself” and couldn’t understand how I could live like this.

I don’t really see it that way. Plenty of people marry primarily for money or status and convince themselves it’s love. At least we’re honest with ourselves.

So… AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business, as long as we’re both consenting adults who know exactly what the arrangement is? Or is everyone else right and I’m kidding myself?

He's getting older too, though.

I don't necessarily see him getting rid of her as she ages.

While simultaneously watching other women her age who have made smarter choices build serious wealth while living fabulous lifestyles on their own terms. Who wants to 'whittle away' at the finances of a decrepit old man. 😂

Nepotism exists.

I landed jobs in my early 20s because I looked good.

@spicysugarbb - I don’t think you are unreasonable to be in a relationship that is honest and mutually satisfying.

My one concern would be for the future - what happens if he becomes too old to want to carry on with the relationship, and you are left having let years go by when you could have found a more permanent relationship. If you spend years in a relationship that ultimately has no future, you could miss out on marriage/a more permanent relationship.

Unless you're in a relationship and you are his girlfriend then this is prostitution. You have sex with him for financial gain , for money. Not all prostitutes work on the streets or in parlours. Don't kid yourself that it isn't. His children are probably taken back that you are both so brazen about it. It must be hard for them to know their father pays for sex and has you hanging around. Your body your choice and all that but don't pretend you're not a prostitute.

Once again, many women with sugar daddies are incredibly comfortable. The OP is having sex and receiving an allowance on her terms. He isn't forcing her to sleep with him.

I'm also not sure I'd want to work for a male boss who was 'intrigued' at me taking years off work to be a prostitute. He might be looking to avail of all of her 'skills'.

Haven't read the whole thread. Just to say, OP, I hope you get to a point in life where you value yourself more than you do now.

But her asset is youth, and his is being loaded. You only have to look at who was willing to be with Rupert Murdoch, for heavens sake.

He's not getting less rich. She's getting less young. Newer, younger women with equally flexible morals are available every year.

From your previous posts I thought you were too busy having sex with old men for money to have a job.

I'm amused by the notion you seem to have that hiring £100k employees is exclusively done by me. Your posts bear little resemblance to any hiring situations I've seen in many, many years in a sector paying that sort of salary.

She doesn't sound incredibly comfortable. She sounds like someone who is left with the dregs when other women have had first pickings at the eligible wealthy men.

What point are you trying to make? The OP has not expired.

She may look younger than 29.

His children see you as a gold digger because that is what you are. You have admitted you wouldn't be with him if he wasn't rich and you are expecting expensive gifts (house). People are judging you, as we are all judged on our behaviour. If you are happy to alienate friends and family and give up on your career, that is up to you but you can't expect people to support you or your choices.

"Investment Banking apprenticeship" eh?

It's your life to waste whichever way you please

He will. These men who crave much younger women always do.

See Leonardo DiCaprio. Once his young model girlfriends hit 25, they're history.

I'm guessing for the OP's 'older man' it's 30.

Start looking for a job @spicysugarbb

OK.
Not for me I don't think.
I am not going to lie a man who has through his own wit and efforts made a lot of money is quite sexy. The way he carries himself. The confidence.

Not one who has won the lottery, though.

I'm just talking about sexiness though.

I don't care of the respectability aspect and I agree that OP's position has its benefits. Struggling is no fun for sure.

Then again maybe it has its negatives- as does everything.

I'm on the fence about it really.

You're saying London is riddled with young women whoring their youth out to wealthy old farts?

I suppose if it were true, one might prefer not to mention it to people. Prostitution is rarely seen as an aspiration.
And necessarily keep the relationship on the QT.

She's still 29, even if she looks 16.

Yes, at 29! Younger than that, in fact. I don’t earn that amount, but there are plenty of people that age, at my work, that do. The head of the team earns approx £1m in salary and bonus. And there are others above him who earn much more than that! So people under 30 earning £100k isn’t a crazy notion. Not sure why people are so annoyed by this and think it’s nonsense.

I am happily married now, but I did have a fantastic time prior.

There are many "pretty little things" earning £100k+ in London, carefully handpicked by senior male figures with a wandering eye.

If any of this is true I wonder what the OP does all day?

Someone mentioned The Crimson Petal and The White. It also reminds me of Zola's Nana and Dumas' The Lady of the Camellias. Susan Howatch's Penmarric has a minor character kept in a house in St John's Wood. It's all terribly old fashioned. All just sitting around waiting for blokes.

Yes. Why don't you take a look?

You could apply for one.

Oh that's not the nonsense part.

You write that like it’s not a thing? https://careers.db.com/School-leavers-uk/investment-bank-apprenticeship-programme/