To think my age gap / sugar baby relationship is nobody else’s business?

[spicysugarbb]

AIBU to think people are being hypocritical about my relationship?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m 29. Until last year I worked in an office job earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either.

About 18 months ago I met a man in his early 60s. He’s very wealthy. Before anyone asks, yes, this is essentially a sugar relationship.

He pays my rent, gives me a monthly allowance, takes me on holidays, buys me lovely gifts etc. In return, we spend time together, go out for dinner, weekends away and yes, we have sex.

The thing is, it isn’t as transactional as people imagine. We do the whole “love you” thing, kiss goodbye, hold hands, cuddle on the sofa and so on. But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest.

We’re genuinely fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, we’ll happily spend hours talking over dinner, watch films together, i look forward to his messages during the day, but neither of us is pretending it’s some sweeping romance.

The issue is his family.

He has children who are roughly my age. They’re polite enough to my face, but I know they judge me. I completely understand why they might. From their perspective I’m probably just some gold-digger waiting for their inheritance - despite the fact there’s a will to ensure I get nothing. But equally, they’re all financially comfortable because of him, so I do wonder whether they’re judging me for benefiting from his money while being perfectly happy to benefit themselves.

A friend also found out recently and was horrified. She said I was “selling myself” and couldn’t understand how I could live like this.

I don’t really see it that way. Plenty of people marry primarily for money or status and convince themselves it’s love. At least we’re honest with ourselves.

So… AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business, as long as we’re both consenting adults who know exactly what the arrangement is? Or is everyone else right and I’m kidding myself?

There are plenty of 29-year-olds earning 100k+

But isn't the 'hard work' of being married partly because it's more meaningful? OP's arrangement seems quite cold & hollow to me. No commitment, primarily a trade of sex & youth for money.

I don't imagine he would want more kids at his age, and it wouldn't help his relationship with his current kids. While 29 is still very young, op said she wants kids plural, and in only 7 or so years it could be harder for her to conceive. That means she should call time in this in the next year or so, which would give herself a couple years to find someone else and get to the point that they are ready to have kids.

His sperm quality wouldn't be good in his sixties, especially for someone who wants an easy life.

Op, nursery runs are only temporary, and you could certainly hire some for that, or a nanny or housekeeper. That said, this period only lasts a few years and you get out of life what you put into it. You may have to hussle or compromise for a bit, but you can also benefit from the fruits of your labour. You can share nursery runs with a spouse, be a sahp, and there's always weekends and holidays to have a break from the rushing around.

How long have you been out of work and would it be hard for you to get another job? Are you saving money currently?

There’s associates (mid-late 20s) that can easily earn that money, especially with an annual bonus. I know some Executive Assistants who earn not far off that. This is in London and front office finance roles.

Define plenty?

In a magic circle law firm a newly qualified solicitor will be on well over that.

Funny that fewer than 6 % of the work force earn 100k and they all post on MN.

It could all finish tomorrow and she'd be left very much high and dry.

Gaps can be disguised. OP can say she took a sabbatical.

I presume she'll be able to find another job as she is skilled.

Yes - she enjoys the sex because he is rich. Equally, I would, too, because I like money.

Sugar great grand daddy more like.
😂
Off to swat up on old 1960s music. What am I saying? I know all about that genre. See I'm halfway there!

Marriage is only meaningful if both parties value and love one another, which is becoming a rarity these days.

What? I like some of Bertrand Russell but that's a horrible quote.

How is a married woman who earns her own money a prostitute? And how is a SAHM a prostitute? Marriage, whether to a SAHM or a woman working outside the home, should be based on affection, respect & being a shared team. If Russell saw that as a prostitute-client relationship, that's depressing.
And why is the implication here that marriage means prostitution for women buy not men? After all, plenty of men rely financially on their wives, or for childcare so they can work.

Jobs in Canary Wharf, Liverpool Street & Bank, etc. pay this easily, depending on your field.

Lots of 100k offce jobs for her to go back to. There's plenty of them according to MN.

And one would describe this as an office job? !

@BlueFahrenheitlook at the statistics for how many women earn 6 figures….

High and dry? She has been receiving an allowance for 18 months.

If he decides to leave, she could return to work or find another sugar daddy.

They are easy to find.

There's always been bad husbands- and wives. But yes, MN among other things shows there's a lot around today.

But the answer to bad marriages isn't cynical and hollow arrangements like OP's.

I mean you do you, just save some money incase he drops dead next week.
Sounds like a nice life for now

No, substantial gaps can't really be disguised. £100K jobs are pretty competitive and employers aren't going to be impressed by someone who has a few years unaccounted for in what should be a peak period in their career.

Not sure why you keep insisting she 'enjoys the sex' when she wouldn't drink out of the same glass as him if he were not rich.

Going by your username you aren't in your 20s? Nobody is disputing you can earn those figures and way more in an office role. What I, and I think others too, are more doubtful about is that she was allegedly earning 100k a few years out of university (if she went), and was so unsatisfied with her very well paid job she quit it in favour of her current, very precarious, arrangement.

Don’t ‘sugar’ coat it, you’re a high class prostitute. Own it.

Are they? Really?

Either the job or the sugar daddy?

Wouldn't be for me

Women are working in investment banking, earning over 100k in London. It's no myth. My friend's daughter completed her Investment Banking apprenticeship and is earning £110k+. She's 27.