AIBU for ending a relationship after repeated boundary crossing and contact?

[Wonderingwanderer99]

Aibu for ending things with my boyfriend after he ignored me saying no, twice, and then blocking him when he wouldn't leave me alone after the breakup?

Some context: I'm a single mum, going through a divorce that's now finalised. I started seeing the guy about 10 months ago, long distance-ish, he's a seasonal worker with a visa that runs out in a couple of years, so there was always an end date built in.

Early on things were genuinely good, he was warm and thoughtful and helped me out where I needed it. But recently whenever I am struggling, I get platitudes instead of him actually showing up. If I raise a problem, he gets defensive rather than hear it. Work is immovable, can never take an hour early off or even 5 minutes to say hi if I was close by.

The bigger issue: twice now, he continued kissing/undressing me after I said no and said stop, the second time only stopping when I said it again and reminded him I had said no. There'd been an earlier incident where I'd already told him "no" needs to be respected the first time he hears it. After the most recent one he did apologise, sent a long voice note calling it a "red flag" and promising it wouldn't happen again.

I eventually ended it. I laid out clearly the whys, the pattern of absence, the lack of acknowledgment when I raised issues, and the repeated boundary crossing. He responded with defensiveness, asking why my behaviour had changed and made out like I was hiding something (I'm not). Eventually he had a go about doing it over message. I finally said that I did that because he couldn't make time to see me and talk about repairing stuff between us and I'd realised I couldn't carry on like this and I'd be blocking him (WhatsApp). I wished him the best.

Since then he's tried Instagram DMs, sent me money with lunch invitations as the reference (twice, after my bank bounced it back the first time), texted twice and called twice in one evening, the last message asking to meet "even if just to say goodbye" and saying he missed me.

I blocked the number on my phone so he can't text or call anymore.

AIBU for ending it over the boundary thing rather than "working on it," and for eventually going full no-contact when he wouldn't stop reaching out after I was clear it was over?

Not at all, someone for example using someone for a visa, not saying in this case, and calling it out, is not being racist. Also because i haven’t heard or seen first hand many Australian men using women for visa’s, as there have been foreign men.

The biggest worry for.me there would be not respecting your no. Inexcusable

This. Let the ink dry on your divorce and focus on your child and yourself.

I once dumped a boyfriend for turning up out the blue and expecting me to leave my friends and go off with him. Set yourself a high bar!

Tell those people to butt out. You HAVE given him closure because you have explained the reasons for ending the relationship. There’s no rule that says you have to do it in person. In fact, given the personal boundaries he has crossed, you may not even be safe seeing him in person again.

He’s not looking for closure anyway, he’s clearly unable to take no for an answer and he wants to pressurised you into resuming this toxic relationship.

Stay strong, block on ALL your social
media and move on. Has he ever had a key to your home? If so, you need to get your lock changed immediately.

Who the heck has voted YABU?!?

There is no unreasonable reason for ending a relationship that you don’t want to be in.

Update
So after he dropped off the print I thought I was in the clear but he sent a message on an app for intimate toy use that we used before. I logged out. The next day he left me a voicemail (note when you block a number they can still leave voicemails). I ignored it. The next day, another voicemail. Later that day, an email. In which he says if I tell him I don't want to talk then he will delete all the ways he could contact me as he knows he'll carry on "fighting for us" otherwise. I've ignored it for now (that was yesterday).

Also for those bringing up the work stuff. Yep, I was in a needy moment (had a lot going on and I wasn't coping well). He's taken off for random bits and pieces here and there and I never asked him to take off for me but when he asked what I needed I once said if he could finish at 9 instead of 10 and just be here for a hug I would have been so grateful but I'd never ask because I respected that he had work to do.

Never had a key but once used the key safe outside when I was mid bedtime so I've changed the combo for it now.

If he continues doing this contact the police. This is a crime - harassment and stalking

Yanbu. His behaviour was a big red flag and being on a visa means this is not going to be a complication-free relationship. Better finish now and find someone who respects women and might be there for the long haul.

@Wonderingwanderer99

This.

I think I'd give him one last reply

This is the last time I will tell you.
I don't want to see you again or have ANY communication with you.
If you make further contact in any form I will be seeing the Police to report harassment/stalking.

"Foreign"??

Do this!

Do you really need to leave a key in the key safe? I would remove it for now. I don’t want to scare you but a determined person can break into a key safe

Yes, as in from countries where it is well known men have used women for visa’s. OP doesn’t have an issue with me asking these things, so i don’t see what the issue is.