AIBU to spend Christmas abroad with DH and his bereaved dad

[tanjin]

My husband’s mum passed away at home over Christmas last year. His dad has essentially no family other than his son (dh).

Father in law has suggested that DH and him, plus me if I would like, go away together over Christmas to another country. This is because it would be too painful being at home.

We never spend Christmas together. I always spend it with my extended family. Dh can’t leave his dad and his dad wouldn’t come to my family.

I want to support DH but I think my family would be very disappointed if I told them I was going for a week abroad somewhere rather than see them. AIBU to go?

You're an adult married woman, can't you make a decision like this without asking a load of randoms on the Internet? Most married couples alternate Christmas between both families.

I can't get over that you don't spend Christmas with your DH! That seems bizarre to me.
Nothing wrong with going away with your dh and fil if that's what you want to do.

If you always spend Christmas with your family one Christmas apart won’t hurt them. Surely they can understand your FIL wanting to go away for Christmas this year?

I would do whatever you would prefer. The way you have phrased this is between doing what your family wants, and what FIL/DH want.

You are allowed to choose on the basis of it being what you want.

We never spend Christmas together

That’s unusual.

Wait..you never spend Xmas with your husband? That is quite odd for a married couple.

It’s complicated - we have only been together 4 years total

Surely your extended family would understand the reasoning - just for once - for prioritising your DHs bereaved father?

Well, you either have to explain the complications or not expect people to give you reasoned answers.

Is it complicated because your family act up if you don't spend christmas with them? If you would like to support your dh and fil I would do that.

A wife normally spends Christmas with her husband, regardless of any other family. Of course you should go with your husband and FIL - I can't believe you are even questioning it.

Presumably you've spent every Christmas ever with your extended family. Wouldn't a change for just one year be possible?

Your relatives will understand that a widower might like to spend his first post-bereavement Christmas somewhere else. They’ll also understand that his only son wants to support him, and that the son’s partner wants to be there for both of them. It’s all pretty normal behaviour. I’d be surprised if they’re surprised tbh.

Unusual and odd.

I think for this year it would be nice to support your father in law.. imagine if that was you being widowed what would be nice for you?

You’re as adult…. Surely you’ve had Christmas apart from your family? Go in the holiday! Support your dh and in law.

id be seriously shocked if your family would take issue with you going abroad and missing their family Christmas for the first time to be with your Dh and his bereaved father! Surely they’d have a little more understanding than that

You're extended family sound bossy and controlling, start alternating and spending time at home too.

Go with his dad this year. These things are as big a deal as you make them.

YANBU to go but why wouldn't he come to your family?

my family would be very disappointed

At you spending the first Christmas since your husband’s mother died with him? Are they normally very self involved?

Could you travel the week before Christmas and then see your extended family at New Years?

You never spend Christmas together???? How bizarre! DH and I spent our first Christmas together 7 months after we started dating and have spent every one together since!! We both see our respective families together too!
TBH after spending every Christmas with you family it is time to prioritise DH and his Dad this is their first Christmas without their mother/ wife and you need to support them and if your family aren’t happy then they’re a bunch of shits!!

Go with your husband. Spending Christmas with him once should be quite nice.

Spend Christmas with your husband!
This year with FiL.
Next year, with your family - and FiL gets am invite.