AIBU to wish I'd had this lifestyle?

[ProfessorofDarkArts]

I'm reading a book about Queen Camilla - I'm not especially a royalist but I find her interesting. Not looking to debate that as I know she's not everyone's cup of tea.

She was raised, according to the book, in the country with a happy stable family, left school with few qualifications and instead spent time travelling - including Paris, Milan (I think) and London, then a Swiss finishing school and doing the Season ie a year of parties, before meeting her husband (and current husband). There was no expectation for her to have a career and no money worries - she had a sizeable inheritance. That's as far as I've got but I assume (relationships aside) her life would have been quite a nice one.

I know few people get those sort of opportunities and it's not really about the money although of course that helps. It's more the lack of being forced to work for God knows how long with only a couple of weeks off every year. I know QC works now (depending on how you view the royals) but I assume many women in her world wouldn't.

I grew up in a very different world and reading it just made me think - wow! I left school with reasonable qualifications, studied for a degree and have always worked. But at mid 50s I'm pretty - to use the modern expression - burnt out and have a definite sense of 'what has it all been for?' I think it's probably quite common to wish you'd made better choices but you can only do that with the options available to you.

AIBU to wish I'd gone to finishing school, had a pony and married the inspiration for Rupert Campbell-Black instead of busting my arse for years only to still be skint at 50-odd and counting the days till I can retire and get a break?

Yes, of course we would all like a trust fund, but 99%+ of people don't have one and so we have to work (or go on benefits!)

I think it must be quite hard to have no driving force or motivation to succeed. And when I say succeed I mean housing, clothing and feeding yourself and those that depend on you, not become a millionaire. I have known people who have lived similar lives (not necessarily all their lives, some retired early) and the lack of motivation to achieve even modestly gave their lives little purpose and it was ultimately detrimental to them.

Yes, a lot of these sorts of people will turn to drink or drugs because they have no purpose in life, but then so do a lot of poor people.

I cant tell you just how much I would hate this lifestyle. nothing expected of you, no purpose, no role just a brood mare and a clothes horse in the background.

not just the royal family but any families with this amount of money. of course also it is a bygone era. now laydees like this work in art galleries or for communications companies. work being a loose term for husband fishing.

i really wouldnt want to live a life defined by my partner, what they do, earn or achieve.

Look how damaging it has been for people AM-W and Prince Harry. Both floundering around making poor choices in the absence of any proper direction in their lives. I'm not saying that this is the sole reasons for their choices or mindsets, but I think it contributes. Perhaps for them a sense of entitlement and self-importance has also been bad but lacking a fundamental purpose has made them both seek validation in other ways.

How is it not about the money? Who could afford it? We could all be our best selves if we didn’t have to earn to pay for life!!!

I actually know a women with a similar background and age group. She hated her life for many years. She always felt she had no purpose beyond getting the right husband and producing an heir. It’s not always greener on the other side

I would love to have been born to a life of leisure like Camilla & her ilk & could merrily fill my days. But alas, I am very much of the servant class.

Well yes obviously we would all like to have the advantages of upper class generational wealth. That’s kind of the crux of classism.

And yet she never strived for a purpose? Nobody told her she couldn’t get a job or a degree or write a book or learn an instrument etc. If she didn’t bother then that’s on her.

it's not really about the money although of course that helps. It's more the lack of being forced to work for God knows how long with only a couple of weeks off every year. It's entirely about the money - if you had a trust fund, you wouldn't need a job.

I’m sure I was born into the wrong family as I think I’d have slotted into the lifestyle you describe very easily x

The money and luxuries sound nice but if you were born into it then it's just normal.
Some of us have really enjoyed the challenge and journey of gaining a qualification and building a career. It's not for everyone but I'd feel a bit meh about only being someone expected to marry well and produce children. Oh and have hobbies but only approved ones - shooting, horses, landscape gardening. Plus the stress of being in the public eye.

Think about it. Rich gentried folk still get divorced, have affairs, addictions, mental health issues. If money was truly the answer to happiness those things wouldn't happen.

I think similar about KM .I had cancer around the same time as her.However I havent done the 3 peak challenge, and dont wear beautiful clothes ! still under treatment ATM.Also no private education for me, like 93% of the country just the local comp! Privilege is what these ladies have !

Yes I suppose I'm being unrealistic to say it's not about the money but what I mean is, I'm not fussed about 'stuff' - carriages and diamonds and horse dont do it for me. But having money buys you options and choices.

I'm sure in reality I'd feel very aimless and would probably hate living off a man/my family but when you're tired and middle aged and struggling to pay the mortgage it does sound tempting!

I know what you mean OP and I often feel this way myself (even though I know I was more fortunate than most with my upbringing).
But I do think life can be very interesting without having all that.

The benefits of being aristocracy!

May I ask what the title of this book is, OP? I like to read, and have read some books about the aristocracy, but not the one that you're reading at the moment!

They weren't aristocracy, although very rich and privileged!

@EmpressOfTheThreadI thought she was 🤷🏻‍♀️

No, just posh!

I thought there were some links to a Baron

Mum was the daughter of a Baron, but Camilla's Dad was an army officer and they were not titled.

I thought just having titles in your family meant aristocratic ties & you could be in the society set. Either way nice lifestyle!

My neighbour is like this, she went to finishing school married babies,never worked a day in her life, married rich, and is the most insufferable snob I’ve had the misfortune to meet.

her life is very nice on paper, but it’s small. I’m fairly sure he shags around, he’s an utter arrogant entitled arsehole.

wpuld I swap with her, only if I didn’t need to be married to him