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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask mums of girls aged four plus

91 replies

kidseatfree · 30/07/2026 16:01

If you have a mostly lovely DD, what was she like at three?

(am in a bit of despair here!)

OP posts:
Besidemyselfwithworry · 30/07/2026 22:02

Sausagessss · 30/07/2026 16:13

School helps 😬

This
is have 2 boys and 1 girl
girls are “higher maintenance” when younger mine is now 10 and we have a fab relationship x

ConflictofInterest · 30/07/2026 22:03

I have an absolutely wonderful 15 year old DD who was an utter nightmare at 3 (and 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...) because she wanted to be in charge of everything and do everything by herself without help. By the time she was 3 she used to cry when it was a mummy day and not a nursery day, I ended up going back to work full time just to keep her happy. She's still fiercely independent but she's turned into a confident and sensible teenager now that she can have the freedom she always wanted. Even if I do sometimes come home from work to find I'm locked out of the kitchen as she's decided she's cooking the family dinner tonight and doesn't want interruptions! I do think being strong willed is a good trait for girls and worth encouraging even though it's hard work when they're little.

cannynotsay · 30/07/2026 22:06

I was pregnant for most of 3, having a sibling has humbled her but she is still so persistent and dislikes taking no for an answer and wants her own way alllll the time. Starts school in September so let’s see where that takes her! She’s bloody amazing too and funny! I adore her and hope she becomes a great leader one day!

AnonSugar · 30/07/2026 22:08

MagicThanks · 30/07/2026 18:45

An absolute psycho. She’s wonderful now (10)

This gives me hope. Just three more years to go 😂

Cathmawr · 30/07/2026 22:12

Oh my word ladies this thread has made me SO happy!

My 3 yr old DD is the loudest, bossiest, most headstrong human I've ever met. She is hilarious and I love her to pieces but I am having occassional moments of panic feeling like I've created a future world dictator 🤣

Oioiqueen · 30/07/2026 22:12

3 was hard as there are two years between her and younger sibling and I really felt in the trenches. I also think she was bored, once she got into nursery and then pre school she started flying. She's now 7 and ahead of year expectations and does not sit still as into everything. The attitude has started creeping in but I'm glad to be out of the early years with her.

Needanadultgapyear · 30/07/2026 22:37

Well she was born stubborn and it hit a peak at 3. She did not sleep to the point I said at bed time as long as I can not see you or hear you I don’t care and then my day would start at 4.30 am. I grew to hate the sound of Why? And because I am the mummy and I say so became my favourite answer.
Now she is 22 she is glorious we are very close and she is a pleasure to spend time with. She is enormously tenacious and this is making her successful in her career.

TheWonderhorse · 30/07/2026 22:54

Oh OP it's hard sometimes. Just in case it makes you feel better I have two girls who were brilliant at 3, 4, 5. Now they are 14 and 10 and any sense of achievement from their younger years has gone, and the universe has handed me my arse. Everything I say is embarrassing, wrong or both wrong and embarrassing. My existence in the world is a cross they bear daily and with as much grace as they can muster. That's not a lot of grace.

Pyjamatimenow · 30/07/2026 22:59

Both mine wearing really hard at that age. The eldest was much better age 5. The youngest fear is 5 now and is still hard work but we have more good days than bad

NotHisLastName · 30/07/2026 23:03

kidseatfree · 30/07/2026 21:36

I wasn’t totally sure whether that post was a bit of a windup or not tbh 👀

No choices has never worked here - you just get no to everything. Blue shoes or pink ones NO SHOES right then!

Weirdly, where it does work is with my stroppy year 8s. ‘Leo, you and Jake just don’t work well together. So look, would you rather sit with Evie and Olivia or over here, by the door?’
’Door! I ain’t sitting with them!’ (Evie and Olivia sigh in relief.)

While had I said ‘Leo, sit here by the door please’ there would have been no end of arguments. It’s the illusion of control. But my three year old doesn’t want an illusion!

No to everything is so relatable. I once got a No to chocolate because she preferred to dig her heels in 😆

Hang in there!

Matronic6 · 30/07/2026 23:04

My DD was still having regular tantrums at 3 and mimicking a lot of behaviors from others at nursery and absolute meltdowns of she didnt get her way. But in the last few months her reasoning has really improved, she has calmed a lot, just a warning of a time out of enough for her to stop. I was actually thinking the other day how much more I am enjoying her company and really love this age.

usernamemustnotcontainspecialcharacters · 30/07/2026 23:05

kidseatfree · 30/07/2026 16:12

Oh god another four years to go 🤦🏻‍♀️ 😂

You asked about 3 but say you have 4?years to go?????

kidseatfree · 31/07/2026 03:09

Well, yes ,,. I have a three year old DD, I’m asking what posters who have girls a bit older are like and the poster I’m replying to has a DD who became nice at seven. So maybe four years to go!

Thanks all. I’m honestly finding her so draining and not particularly enjoyable to be around which is making me sad as I used to love being with her and spending the days with her and I dread it now.

OP posts:
Manasprey · 31/07/2026 08:48

kidseatfree · 31/07/2026 03:09

Well, yes ,,. I have a three year old DD, I’m asking what posters who have girls a bit older are like and the poster I’m replying to has a DD who became nice at seven. So maybe four years to go!

Thanks all. I’m honestly finding her so draining and not particularly enjoyable to be around which is making me sad as I used to love being with her and spending the days with her and I dread it now.

I quite often wanted to leave. Few kick offs where i did have to go and drive around/ go for a walk, rather than murder her, because she was just so frustrating and relentless.

Occasional flashes of that behaviour still flares up- but she uses her power for good, not evil these days.

howlsandmiouws · 31/07/2026 10:44

kidseatfree · 31/07/2026 03:09

Well, yes ,,. I have a three year old DD, I’m asking what posters who have girls a bit older are like and the poster I’m replying to has a DD who became nice at seven. So maybe four years to go!

Thanks all. I’m honestly finding her so draining and not particularly enjoyable to be around which is making me sad as I used to love being with her and spending the days with her and I dread it now.

Please don't be too hard on her. She can't help it. This is all part and parcel of being a mother. More than anything, she needs to know that you love her unconditionally and that you're not judging her. She is who she is at this moment in her development, and she needs you and her dad to guide and support her through the good times and the challenging ones.

It's completely normal to feel fed up at times, but it's important to stay kind, loving, and consistent while maintaining healthy boundaries.

Are you doing activities together that your daughter genuinely enjoys? Maybe a ballet class, music lessons, or something else she's interested in? Cooking and baking together can also be lovely ways to connect. Share the parenting where you can, I hope her dad is involved and able to give you a break too.

Our children often need us the most during their most challenging moments. Loving them through those times is what helps them build real confidence, security, and resilience.

Do you have a pet? At that age they can have a best friend in a cat or dog at home. It sounds like you are unhappy and looking at her as if she were a fully formed adult. She is little and you need to be the grown up who has patience for her. Is she starting school next September? So pre-school this year?

kidseatfree · 31/07/2026 13:19

Gosh. I’m not at all … just a difficult stage. We do plenty of nice things, she has a weekly swimming or ballet lesson and we go to a playgroup every week in term time. I spend lots of time (or try to - she often refuses!) reading to her and doing activities she likes such as sticker books. I do try my best but she just is at a very tricky stage in some ways.

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