To ask mums of girls aged four plus

[kidseatfree]

If you have a mostly lovely DD, what was she like at three?

(am in a bit of despair here!)

Lovely at 5, absolutely something else at 3. She almost drove me to breakdown with her awful demanding behaviour and tantrums. Didn't sleep, crazy levels of fussy eating, destructive if not properly exercised every day.

She turned a corner around 4 and a half and improved massively when she got in reception. Full time school makes a huge difference.

I found 3 really bloody hard. I think I made a post on here!

The smallest thing wrong would send her into a blind rage, some days I literally felt like I couldnt do or say a thing right. Everything became a battle despite me desperately trying not to make it one and I felt such an ineffective parent!

A delight now at 4 though, nearly 5. I still have a mild form of PTSD from the rolling on the floor tantrums in shops phase though, and now when I tell her she cant have something I brace myself. But now she just says 'Ok mummy' and puts it back 😀

Also a summer baby who went to school at just 4, has thrived.

Terrifying 3s!!! I found that to be the worst age, they are turning into little girls with opinions but still have toddler brains so are all over place.

DD 7 now - still sassy, stubborn and opinionated….. but funny, caring, loving, fun, polite and amazing company. Don’t worry :)

My DD turned 3 during Covid lockdown.
We lived in a flat, just me and her.
No garden.
It was… interesting.
Her only public tantrums were when she was 3.
Everything was followed by “why?”.
She drew all over the kitchen floor and blamed the “monsters”.
I actually have a picture of her in time out, in her Princess costume, fast asleep up the radiator, clearly thought too hard on her behaviour. She only went in time out for 3 minutes.

She’s now 9 and better behaved but still asks 20,000 questions a day.

Ive often said DD is either the best person in the world or the devil incarnate. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground. Would say since going to school she's been far more than former than the latter. Also with a bit of breathing space I have more patience with the tougher moments and more appreciation for the wonderful bits.

Threenagers can be rough. Now she's 5 and is communicating more (would say it started not long after she turned 4) she's just getting better and better every day ❤️ want to bottle her up right now and come back to this time when /if she's a grotty teenager in 10 years time 😭 feel like we're in the sweet spot right now. Based on my oldest (7) and nieces and nephews it just gets better and better from here on in, until the teenage years, and even that's a phase

I have 3 daughters. My eldest - now 25!! - was as good as gold. However I DISTINCTLY remember thinking ‘why do they talk of the terrible twos, when the threes are so much worse?’
It’s not like she was badly behaved. But fuck me, the whinging.

3 and 4 were absolutely awful. I even consulted with a child therapist. She’s fine now at 8!

3-4 was vile. 4-5 is lovely, kind, empathetic, curious, sweet, FUNNY, engaging, brave, amazing

I have 4 girls. There is no way any of them bossed me around at the age of 3 or 4. I am the parent, I decide.

My eldest was pretty lovely actually, boy did I get a shock when my second reached the toddler years! Different personality and much harder work. She is 11 now though and pretty lovely most of the time!

The smallest thing wrong would send her into a blind rage, some days I literally felt like I couldnt do or say a thing right. Everything became a battle despite me desperately trying not to make it one and I felt such an ineffective parent!

Oh god yes. This is such a helpful post as I actually said something like this earlier. She was shouting at me ‘I want Elsa; I want Anna’ and I’d bring them and then she’d shout ‘I want Moana; I want Olaf.’ It was relentless. No matter what I brought her she wanted another.

(someone had bought her the above characters for her birthday.)

I think I said something like ‘I’ve given 100% all day and it’s still not enough!’

I had a very sweet 3yo who turned into a high maintenance adult, having become fairly neurotic and perfectionist and competitive along the way.

To put it nicely...an absolute cock.

I have 3 girls. One is 4 and has always been bossy and stubborn. DD2 is 3 now and she is very strong willed, she is either very sweet and well behaved or turns into a little monster attacking she sisters! A very wild character. She is the middle child tho 🤣 lots of frustration, not listening, can't trust them not to bolt.
I have to say, in my opinion the terrible 2s last into the terrible 3s. I can't speak for ages older than 4!

This is really interesting.

Full disclosure - I don’t have a girl aged 4+. My daughter was 3 last month and she is very bright, very loud, mainly happy, and extremely strong willed. By contrast, my son was much more laid back at 3. Would still tantrum occasionally, but was mainly quite busy doing his own thing and was easily distracted from any upsets. Probably a bit more sensitive and less committed to a cause.

I was a bit smug that 2 and 3 weren’t that bad with my son. 4 and 5 have been much more testing, which I wasn’t expecting. Wonder what it will be like with his sister! 😬

Yes the whinging!

Stubborn AF and basically a little foot stamping madam!!

Ditto

mini blondes would play nicely with the above Look at books. Still napped and this was Covid times so didn’t do /see anyone really for 3mths +

Hahaha

I had a naughty two year old but then a near on perfect 3 year old. She only became a little testing again at 16. All kids are different and the toddler to school age can be tiresome!

This is SO normal - she’s just flexing her muscles for the first time, finding out what she can control….

Do NOT let tantrums get to you, or they will get worse, because they learn that they work! Just stay breezy, present, don’t take it personally. Pretend she isn’t screaming at full volume ;)

Regarding choice: give the illusion of choice:

Would you like Elsa or Anna, or no dolly?

Would you like the pink dress, the blue dress, or mummy chooses?

Would you like to leave the park in ten minutes or right now?

It’s honestly fantastic that you have such a wilful girl; this world NEEDS more wilful girls who don’t stand for society’s crap!

Hang on in there. You are doing a great job x

Come off it🤣 especially that last sentence 🤣. There's someone stressing about her feral daughter and you're blabbing out nonsense.

If you're genuine and not a total troll/wind up merchant, then I assume the only reason she was 'a good girl all day' when you were at work where she patiently waited for you to come home is because her demeanor is shy, timid and incredibly willing to please.

OP an independent child is a pain as they are somewhat ahead of the curve and can think for themselves/have strong opinions but it will be good once she's an adult and can stand up for herself.

The choice thing isn't a magic bullet. My DS wasn't even 2yo when it started going like this:
We need to go out. Shoes-on time.
Don't WANT to go out!
Want to wear your dinosaur shoes or green sandals?
NO SHOES, I TOLD YOU?!

I don't think there is a magic bullet honestly. Just endurance. It'll get better eventually...!

I wasn’t totally sure whether that post was a bit of a windup or not tbh 👀

No choices has never worked here - you just get no to everything. Blue shoes or pink ones NO SHOES right then!

Weirdly, where it does work is with my stroppy year 8s. ‘Leo, you and Jake just don’t work well together. So look, would you rather sit with Evie and Olivia or over here, by the door?’
’Door! I ain’t sitting with them!’ (Evie and Olivia sigh in relief.)

While had I said ‘Leo, sit here by the door please’ there would have been no end of arguments. It’s the illusion of control. But my three year old doesn’t want an illusion!

An imaginative little thing who was always in character and the rest of us just had to fit in and be whatever character she wanted.. DH usually got the good roles like Flynn Rider abd the Gruffalo while I was frequently Mother Gothel or the Stepmother from Cinderella! (That one was quite fun as I would tell her to sweep the floor which she would do, happily grumbling about what a terrible "Stepmother" she had!)