WIBU to shut the door?

[JakeyRolling]

Out and about with DC8 who is doubly incontinent due to disability but otherwise “looks” normal and is ambulatory.

As such we have a radar key.

Today we happened to be able to access a Changing Places toilet while out and about.

For those who don’t know these are larger than a standard disabled toilet and have additional facilities such as a changing bed and hoist.

We use them as DC is too big for the baby changing tables.

As we came out some women who obviously didn’t want to wait in the queue that was snaking past the Changing Places facility tried to grab the door to hold it open.

I firmly shut it and told them “you need a key to access it”, and got abuse for it.

My reasoning is that if every man and his dog Is given access to the disabled toilets, then they are not available when disabled people need them and they also become filthy.

If she had been disabled herself, she would’ve had a radar key.

My poor Mum had a horrible experience similar to this once. She is disabled, cannot walk further that a few metres without needing to rest and struggles to stand for more than a minute or two. She took the lift after a theatre performance (on her own, I took the stairs to leave room for others as I'm able bodied), it opened on a lower floor and she was faced with a nasty man pushing an elderly wheelchair user who started ranting because it was full and they couldn't fit. He honed in on her for some reason and started aggressively accusing her of looking like she could take the stairs instead. We didn't get hung up on it, but it definitely soured our lovely theatre outing. Anyway... OP shouldn't immedately judge, and the lady shouldn't have been so rude. I think you're both somewhat unreasonable.

Absolutely this!

Haven’t you heard of hidden disabilities? I may look ok but o would need to use the lift due to a serious hidden disability. Nice to know I’d be judged for not using a wheelchair or giving priority to one

I'm really surprised at how many people think that the OP was in the wrong. It seems that there's an awful lot of ignorance about the use of disabled facilities, and I truly believe that Radar keys should ONLY be available to people who have proof of a disability. I also think, that in order to prevent situations like the OP faced, it would be a good idea if keys to the 'Changing Places' facility were ONLY issued to people who need the additional facilities that they provide. So for example, a person who is disabled but doesn't need the extra facilities should be issued with a 'Radar' key, and someone who does need them should have a key possibly called 'Radar Plus'.

I also think that anyone who genuinely needs a disabled toilet due to having health problems which mean they have little warning of needing to go, would be aware enough to ensure that they ALWAYS keep their Radar key on them.

In my opinion, unless you are genuinely disabled, you shouldn't even think about using a disabled facility, as there are far more 'normal' toilets available than there are disabled ones, and let's face it, if you are able bodied, you could even go behind a bush or something, whereas a disabled person wouldn't be able to do this.

So PLEASE people if you are not disabled, DON'T presume that it is OK to use a toilet labelled 'DISABLED', it isn't!

I just think we need more awareness and compassion for each other out there. There are so many hidden disabilities and many people who for whatever reason have not accessed the support they need (such as a radar key). We should be putting the onus on property developers, retail spaces and government to provide adequate toilet facilities for all who need them.

I would be angry if someone made an assumption about me ‘not needing’ to use a certain facility without actually asking me. And I would respond quite curtly to them.

This is exactly the sort of post that would make someone feel like purposely doing exactly the opposite.

I don’t think YABU but you never know what somebody’s need are and aren’t those keys just available to buy?

My 4 year old has a significant sensitivity to smell and holds his bladder and bowels to the last minute, insisting he doesn’t need to go so often when he does eventually agree its very last minute and he’s then usually hysterical about the smell which makes it very difficult in a small cubical. I just have to pray there’s a toilet close enough and clean enough that his reaction isn’t as big as it can be. I would try to use any accessible toilet in this instance.

Whilst he doesn’t have a disability he absolutely has needs that impact toileting and so I would hope somebody would be kind enough to hold the door open if I asked, without me having to explain in front of him.

I got shouted at recently for using the “disabled” toilet at my work. It’s a fully equipped disabled toilet. However it is also the ONLY toilet for both clients and staff. I came out to a disabled person outside who started shouting that she couldn’t wait and people like me were the reason she rarely goes out and I was lucky she didn’t soil herself and I was the most selfish person. I explained it was the ONLY toilet in the building and she told me I should go to the supermarket round the corner at lunch if I needed to go because it was never acceptable to use a disabled toilet. Ridiculous.

I think trying to police these things is very stressful, so I wouldn't bother.

The lift is there so everyone (including those with hidden disabilities, the elderly and small children in pushchairs) can access different levels. Unlike a toilet, it’s extremely unlikely for a wheelchair user to have an emergency that means they need to access the lift, and they should be able to queue like everyone else.

Are you serious? If there’s only one toilet and it’s also a disabled toilet, it’s fine for anyone to use it. It’s set up so disabled people can use it too, but it doesn’t mean others are forbidden from accessing it. No one should go behind a bush like a dog when there is a toilet available 🙄

You don’t think that might be a tad juvenile?

Well I am never going to go behind a bush when there is a disabled toilet available! I wouldn't be able to get up again anyway, it would end very badly!

I do sort of agree with you in this instance but I also think you caused ill feeling when it could easily have been avoided. I probably wouldn't have closed the door but would have made a comment about the Radar key.
I'm disabled and although I try to use the normal loos, I do sometimes need to use a disabled toilet (on days where my mobility and pain levels are more severe).
However, not everybody knows about Radar keys or how to get them - it took me a year to even realise how to get one and my Dad who has been disabled for decades didn't know how to get one.
I have also been known to forget mine if I change my bag.