Well, you can splutter about it all you want; it’s still poor taste.
I watched Room a few weeks ago (for those who don’t know, a girl in her late teens is kidnapped and held hostage where she is repeatedly raped and has her abductors baby) and in one of the scenes after her eventual escape, she’s scrolling Facebook and says to her family something like ‘do you know what happened to them … nothing … they just lived a normal life.
I am struck by that after reading @MistressoftheDarkSide ’s post as while I haven’t experienced anything close to what I believe LL experienced I have come across innocuous situations being twisted around to be something sinister.
I have told this story before but over ten years ago now I started a new job, working with very vulnerable young people, and somehow despite my filling in all the correct paperwork, no one sent off for my DBS and no one requested references from my past employers. In other words, I could literally have been anybody. The school couldn't seem to accept it was their error and not mine, and I got a breezy invitation to ‘pop in and see the head’ one day - it was more like an ambush, with the headteacher, deputy head, CoG and some woman from the local authority there on one side of a long table and me sat at the other side, having no idea what the hell was going on.
They demanded to know why I had ‘given them a fake name’ - my name is Hannah Rachel. My maiden surname begins with a H. I was always going to be called Rachel; that was never changed, but my dad decided it would be funny to have me be Hannah Rachel H- - - rather than Rachel Hannah H - - - because then my initials would be HRH. Stupid dad joke (I’ll be honest and say I’ve wanted to throttle him for that joke on more than one occasion as it’s been a lifetime of headaches) but when I applied for the job I just put Rachel where it said first name as I ordinarily do. Otherwise everyone calls you the wrong name! So essentially I’m having to explain why I put my name on the form when I applied for the job.
I was given minutes for a meeting that happened three months ago. In the meeting, an assistant headteacher had discussed my over familiarity with students and I had agreed it was ‘inappropriate to ply students with gifts.’ (I had given the students in my form a little chocolate reindeer at Christmas.) The meeting also noted I had brought alcohol onto school premises (I gave the TAs a bottle of wine as a Christmas present) and I had apparently also agreed this was inappropriate. THE MEETING WAS COMPLETELY FICTITIOUS! It just had not happened. But you can imagine how ridiculous you’d look saying that.
And it does play with your mind - did I have this meeting and somehow forget? Was it maybe worded so pleasantly that somehow it escaped my notice? And then you say no, I’m not insane, this didn’t happen - but how do you prove it? I don’t know; I still don’t.
I resigned anyway and thought that was the end of it until it wasn’t; I shall say no more on that other than I eventually ‘won’ (insofar as I kept my dignity and my position and my qualifications - all of which they tried to take from me) but if comes at a huge cost to your sense of self, sense of fairness, trust (can you imagine LL taking out a grievance in a subsequent job?)
LL is a huge one but tiny injustices like this are absolutely infiltrating our NHS, police and judicial systems and maybe if any good comes from this it’s a reform because god knows one is needed.