Am I being too pushy with daughters swimming?

[RarePearlTiger]

My daughter is 4 almost 5 and has done swimming lessons since she turned 2, she did waterbabies and then moved to leisure centre lessons at 4. For anyone familiar with the lessons she’s just moved up to stage 4 and has got her 25 metres certificate at the weekend

While I was at work earlier in the week my husband mentioned her swimming, and my MIL made a comment about how kids should be kids and not pushed into ‘competing’. FIL agreed and said it’s unnecessary and every child gets there in the end, there’s no need for such pushy lessons

She does a lesson once a week and I probably take her once every 2 weeks on an evening, sometimes every week. She enjoys swimming, she’s not pushed into anything but swimming lessons for me are not negotiable.

It’s just made me feel like shit but I’m probably being over sensitive

That’s ridiculous. Swimming lessons is not competing. Be thankful she knows how to swim. Lots of young children drown. This is their problem not yours. If she enjoys it what’s the harm.

Swimming is more fun if you can swim competently rather than aimlessly splashing around. Other issues apart, it enables you swim in the sea and open water, and to do things like surfing and windsurfing.

When she says competing, who does she think you are competing with? I assumed competitive swimming like in the pool, but is there a chance she means you are competing with her or maybe any other grandchildren she has? Like if your dd is in stage 4 and her other 4yo grandchild is in stage 1, does she feel like you are being competitive about that?

Surely you just say she has a weekly lesson she isnt competing. Do you harp on about the stages? Nice to celebrate moving groups with the child but teedious for everyone else.

On the drowning point, swimming obviously helps in a lot of situations, but sadly competent swimmwers also drown as they have no experience in cold water, with tides etc.

So long as you are focused on water confidence and safety - see all the deaths by drowning of young people this year - you are totally fine. It’s not ‘competition’ to support progressing through a skills based certification scheme, so long as you are not comparing her progress with peers and others in her class and are happy to drop swimming to just weekly family funs swims once she has reached a level of competency where you/DH feel she will be safe in pools, the sea and open water - and especially if she asks to stop going!

If DGP are critical refer them to the stats which show that 15 young people died in open water incidents this last May (half term) alone and suggest they butt out?

I don’t mention the stages and I wasn’t there at the time. My husband just pointed out to them she had moved up a stage as her certificate was on the notice board.

I’m not sure, they have 2 other grandchildren who are 13 and 10, no idea about their swimming ability but I know they can swim well as we went abroad with them 2 years ago.

Swimming is a vital skill - your dd is lucky that you’ve taken the trouble to let her learn. Too many children never get the opportunity. At Gdcs’ school they start taking them swimming in IIRC year 3, and I’ve been startled to learn how many couldn’t swim at all - it’s not in a deprived area, either.

You're not being pushy. You're making sure your child can swim. She IS being a kid and clearly enjoys it. Your inlaws are just being stuffy!

My DS didn't start lessons until he was 8 years old, but 18 months later he ended up in the stage 5 class with his friends who started age 3!

Thank you, I might look into this! I’m not very confident in water but I do push myself when on holiday and will go in the sea to snorkel, but obviously with a life jacket. I can’t even float 😂

Screw her! So so many deaths by drowning, it’s just not worth the risk. Both of my children have swam since they were 4 weeks old. My oldest (12) is currently doing lifesaving and learning how to deal with riptides, currents, getting caught in weeds etc and how to save yourself and others.
My little one (8) is stage 5, nearly 6 and is currently perfecting his technique and learning how to not drown when pushed in randomly.
Safety first, always.

And I used to swim in the junior olympics. I decided to join the swim team myself and today I am a much stronger swimmer than DH who’s lessons were off his dad/mum at the local baths when they could be arsed. We go to Spain on Saturday and I will be ok to swim in the sea, DH will be too scared.

Yes I do sometimes wonder about this. I’m not a very good swimmer, but that means I never put myself in any situation in the water that might be dangerous. I wouldn’t swim out in the sea, I wouldn’t jump off rocks into water, etc. Sometimes I think being a good swimmer gives you a bit more of a false illusion of being able to get yourself out of tricky situations that a poor swimmer wouldn’t even contemplate being in in the first place. Plenty of good swimmers die unfortunately because getting swept out to sea is very different to doing lengths in a pool.

My DH is a very good swimmer but consequently he would be happy swimming in places and situations that I would judge as too risky for me and wouldn’t. So I actually think he is probably at more risk of drowning than me, simply because I won’t be in that environment.

I am quite happy with being able to do a few lengths of breaststroke with my head above the water in a hotel pool and nothing else!

Sometimes I think people do get a bit obsessed with swimming being such a vital ‘life skill’ when the reality is that most people who can’t swim or can’t swim well never put themselves in a situation where they will be at risk in the first place.

It’s one of the best things you can do for your kids in my opinion. It’s a life skill. Maybe the in-laws could go along to a lesson with you one week so they can see how well she’s doing.

Nothing wrong with what you're doing.

I wonder if they have friends whose grandchildren are doing the competitive stuff, and they're worried that her promise means she will be pulled into a competitive club soon. I know a friend of mine was really worried about her granddaughter, who was in one of those swimming clubs that expect you to train six times a week, and seemed completely exhausted by it, even though it was her choice. She did enjoy it for a good while, but in the end gave up in her early teens.

However there's nothing wrong with doing well at swimming lessons, and if she does join a competitive club later, hopefully it will be one which isn't too demanding.

Our DD sometimes didn’t fancy going to lessons but I see it as a life skill. Once she got to stage 6 (I think?) when she was confident swimming we stopped with lessons.
Sometimes people just come out with things just to have something to say. Just say Hmm… Best wishes.

Aside from the facts that have been mentioned, life saving, exercise and all the rest, swimming lessons once a week are just a totally normal thing, aren't they? Along the lines of football, gymnastics and brownies/cubs. If you DC was doing gymnastics once a week would they think the same?

Does she enjoy it or is she giving off about it, kicking off and having tantrums?

It's pretty easy to see with kids when they are being pushed too hard as they tend to let you know. She just sounds like a good swimmer.

They don't understand. It's just swimming lessons not a swimming club. She may be I voted to join that later if she's good enough but stage 4 is just normal lessons. She needs to complete stage 5 minimum to be safe in the water and preferably at least stage 7.

Ex lifeguard here. Your DD is fairly advanced for her age, which is obviously good. One swimming lesson a week plus a few trips to the pool every month sound healthy and not in the least bit pushy. I cannot understand why anyone would criticise you. And obviously swimming is an important skill in case you fall in water but is also good for fitness and fun.

As a side note - your DD can qualify as a pool lifeguard at 16. Both my DCs did or still do this. It helped them pay for university. It is a really good job for young people. They worked in the leisure centre where they learnt to swim and then at uni pools.

Swimming is our only compulsory thing, including swimming a certain number of times a year to keep skills up

I would simply ignore the comment. They're clearly projecting some of their own stuff onto your situation.

Your child is a very competent swimmer for their age. My 7 year old has been having weekly swimming lessons since she was 20 months and she's only just reached stage 3! She isn't natural but learning to swim is a non-negotiable activity for me.

She enjoys going, it doesn’t really get mentioned now it’s just part of our weekly routine. She asks to go swimming with us and her sister though most weeks

Why would you give a shit what they think?

Let the sentence hang, they sound like idiots and it would be good for them to hear it by way of not getting a reply.

We have a competitive swimmer in our family - I wonder if your MIL has an understanding of just regular swimming like your daughter or competitive … she’s too young for a squad and working through her stages that’s it?

our family member is now 14 and trains very early doors and has several comps. They do have adaptations at school (private) due to their gruelling swim schedule but it’s likely they’ll swim for England so it’s worth it,