Is this a ‘Soft life’

[Wellthatwasabrupt]

And would you want it?

Has Dh, one young Dc and dogs, lives overseas by the beach and countryside, nice house with pool and sea views.
Works 6 hours per week from home. Does all drop offs and pick ups, food shop, dinners, majority to do with Dc and sorting bills. Has a cleaner.
Dh works Mon-Fri -finishes 4.30, no one works weekends.
Days are free based around Dc school drops, coffee with friends, Pilates, yoga, studying or reading if you like, watching Netflix all day if you like, shopping, beach, pool, garden

Would you call this a soft life? Would you like it, be honest?

Career driven doesn’t necessarily equal money driven. You can have the drive to pour your life into your job or career but it doesn’t mean you are expecting to earn a lot of money.

I am not being defensive! Like I said families come in all sorts of shapes and sizes - it’s you who seems unable to accept that your way isn’t best for every child and every family. And who is so insecure that you need to make out as though you are self sacrificing for the greater good of your child - rather than being honest and just living the life that suits your family best

have you some deeper reservations that are making you less comfortable and confident in your choices?

Sit at home with their child…like that’s all it is

Is terms of funding, this is something society needs to change as a whole, instead of forcing women to have to go back into the workforce too soon, paying extortionate amounts for the privilege of strangers looking after your children
Workplaces should take this seriously and the whole role of motherhood and children themselves, women too should add to this instead of going along with it
There is absolutely no shame at all in embracing motherhood and providing the best for your child, this is what life is all about.
If you just want to pop out a child and return to work because you feel bored, what is the point in becoming a mother, stay child free! Surely three years isn’t that long to put the childs needs first?!

It can be for personal development, to stretch one’s mind, because it’s interesting/fun and/or to be used in future employment if wanted

Well it wouldn’t be a job if they weren’t getting money in exchange for their labour, so it’s still money driven, otherwise you would be volunteering.
Being money driven isn’t limited to those who earn a huge amount of money, you work for money whether your income is large or small.

And fatherhood ?

hey why doesn’t society pay everyone to sit on their backsides

@Wellthatwasabruptyou didn’t answer my question? When was it normal for women to stay at home for years and devote that time to the child?

Why have a child then? Seriously? If you don’t like looking after them, spending time with them and being around them…palming them off to other people…why become a mother?

Are you a mum?

That is fantastic, good for you, honestly but you are no better than others

It would be stupid to dismiss the idea that it’s not the woman who is nearly always served best to do this

Can you explain why you think the woman is best served to be the one to take time off of work beyond the initial time needed to physically recover? If three years is your ideal why not a mix of both parents, to reduce impact to either ones earning potential and allow both parents time to nurture and bond?

I love my dc but I wouldn’t want to do all the caregiving for years. Why does that make me less of a mother? My mum didn’t work & had 4 dc, we had nanny’s & au pairs at certain points. This wasn’t a reflection of my parents lack of love or interest!

Where is the sitting on the backsides part?

You obviously do not value motherhood at all

Children don’t need the one same person available 24 hrs a day 7 days a week for 20 years. That’s a myth.

many children ( note that I don’t say all. I am not making sweeping generalisations about all , which is a weakness of your argument) thrive with a greater number of people to interact with. As long as they are fully secure with their parents love they don’t need to be always with them. Many children need to see alternative ways of living. To help them understand and develop themselves

historically children are brought up in a “village”
environment- where different people take over childcare at different times. Mother didn’t need to be just mother 24*7. For the good of the children or the parents. It’s unnatural but may suit some.

Yes, one thing I see at work is more and more men doing shared parental leave. I think it’s great & would have liked my dad around more. DHs company now offers 3 months paid parental leave which I would have loved. DH & I have always shared pick ups and drop offs.

I grew up in a family where mum was present and all my friends did in the 80’s and 90’s. Mum was always there for all of us when young in particular, then worked when we were a little older. I never ever saw her as less when she wasn’t working or as more when she was, she was just my mum and was there when I needed her and the best placed person to take care of us
Many cultures and societies continue this and recognise the importance of this for the children, who obviously are the main consideration in all
of this, surely?!

This would be good too

I've never said I'm better than others. You asked me specifically if I did charity work and I replied. The point is that many people are making a far more valuable contribution to society - in all kinds of ways - than the person you're describing.

We didn’t say 20 years! Obviously this isn’t the case
The first 3 years in particular are fundamental and you can still be with them and have your village around you, this is the ideal of course

And some are doing a hell of a lot less too!

Working, studying and being a mother, friend, daughter, wife, pet looker after are all very valuable contributions to society…so sad that you cannot see that and value it

@Wellthatwasabruptso you are talking about a specific blip in the 80s & 90s? I was born then & as I said my mum had help due to 4 of us, she was still always there, why wouldn’t she have been? Which societies & cultures allow for the mum to be the sole carer for the first 3 years?

All the research?!

So is it ok for the village to raise them?

?

Ideally always the mother (as long as in good health mentally and physically) as main caregiver and to have a village around them-family, friends etc

So leaving them with a grandma or aunt for a day is bad or good?

Which societies & cultures allow for the mum to be the sole carer for the first 3 years?