Is this a ‘Soft life’

[Wellthatwasabrupt]

And would you want it?

Has Dh, one young Dc and dogs, lives overseas by the beach and countryside, nice house with pool and sea views.
Works 6 hours per week from home. Does all drop offs and pick ups, food shop, dinners, majority to do with Dc and sorting bills. Has a cleaner.
Dh works Mon-Fri -finishes 4.30, no one works weekends.
Days are free based around Dc school drops, coffee with friends, Pilates, yoga, studying or reading if you like, watching Netflix all day if you like, shopping, beach, pool, garden

Would you call this a soft life? Would you like it, be honest?

I have lived this life, you see. It wasn"t for me. I was bored.

Tbf when I was in my 30s I would have lost the will to live at the prospect of spending all my time gardening, cooking, doing yoga.

Now I’m post menopausal I still can’t think of anything more soul destroying for myself

Define ‘interesting’ though. My life would look dull from the outside but it is anything but.

What is interesting is the amount of people who have no creativity, productivity or meaning in their life without a 9-5, but they’re only doing it because they’re getting paid so how meaningful can it really be for them?

I had no idea that I have a ‘soft life’ 😂 but I do. I don’t get bored at all. Yours sounds nice OP

Well in having something to talk about as a PP said. If you have no hobbies, don't go anywhere much, don't belong to groups or clubs then what do you talk about??

Makes sense. Since OP won't answer the question I will fill in the gaps.

OP is the husband. He made the family move overseas for his job. His wife is living the 'soft' expat life of a trailing spouse. But instead of enjoying her coffee mornings and yoga, she is bored, unhappy and disengaged. She is marking time and slowly dying inside. He is determined to prove to her and all of us wimmin that his wife has nothing to be unhappy about and that her life is in fact the dream and envy of all women. What do we know, eh wimmin?

Lots of working women would have spent up to a year on maternity leave living a version of this life. I think they have a pretty good idea if they say it is not for them.

Sounds about right.

Absolutely. I went back early from maternity leave, and while I was on mat leave I wrote my first novel and got an agent.

Pretty much this. I went back to work earlier than I intended both times because I was quickly losing my mind, developing needless anxieties and overthinking things. And I was busy with the baby. Just not productive. I felt like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up the hill and watching it roll down everyday, nothing to show for my time.

And as pp have pointed out, looking after a baby is purposeful. I'd have felt much, much worse if the child was at school 7h a day too and it was just an empty carousel of pilates and coffee.

So many replies are along the lines of "would you rather break your back working long hours in the rat race, juggling too much" er no, there's a balance to be struck, clearly!

Really? I would say women on maternity leave typically have the least amount of time for themselves and their hobbies than any other time in their lives.

@Knightshine always one who shames the only child/parents of only children. Are you 85 and have 10 kids?! You must be elderly to still believe in the old ‘an only child is a lonely child’ saying. Maybe they chose 1 to coincide with their idyllic sounding lifestyle! Maybe they want quiet not chaos.

Your wording is odd OP? Is this you? Or someone you know? I think the life sounds lovely and some people would call being able to be there for their child whenever needed the real ‘rich’. Never heard of ‘soft life’ though!!

I can only speak for myself. I had two maternity leaves of up to one year (which I went back early for the second) as well as a few months at home when the dcs were young.

I did not have time for hobbies but there was drop offs, pick ups, food shop, dinners, childcare, admin, playdates, coffee mornings, what reading I could fit in. I used a nursery a few hours a week, so had free time to myself to meet up with friends occasionally.

I can tell you it was like groundhog day. Busy yet doing nothing. My time was my own yet not my own. I remember telling my mother in law in tears that I felt like I was marking time. I wanted to go back to work, just for a more balanced lifestyle and intellectual stimulation and earn my own money as a high earner.

I would have been unhappy if it was all work and I would have been unhappy if it was all pootling/childcare. I wanted the balance and right mix.

OP's lifestyle would drive me up the bend with boredom and lack of purpose and even meaning. But that is just me. I'd be happy to retire to OP's lifestyle in my 70s but I want an active city-based travel-filled retirement in my 60s with money to fund it.

Because despite the struggle, the fun is actually in the journey.. this life is basically the end of it. There’s nothing to do, nothing to push against. There’s nothing to strive for and no goal.

Jesus.

If it's your life and you like it what does it matter what others think?

Some people adore working full time. A lot of people have other interests. I would never work full time out of choice and the world will be going that way with ai longterm anyway. So much more to life. Most people just can’t afford it so are probably jealous op. Also youve got a child so need to dedicate a lot of time for his upbringing! People seem to forget the importance of bringing up humans.

Some people on here are really weird op! I guess you can just be grateful.

But surely in an ideal world you work hard and ‘struggle’ 🤨 through your days to make the promotion/pay rise but also have time to do the things you enjoy too? Surely you have (or would like!) other interests in your life before death? Ive got a friend who is child free and purposefully chooses part time work. She climbs, hikes, travels continuously and has started writing. I admire her a lot.

It would be really helpful to know who this relates to and the reason for asking. As it stands, the OP’s posts are like pulling teeth

and I’d love it for a short time. There is not enough in that lifestyle to challenge and fulfil my brain.

You’ve asked people if they’d like your life (ie are they jealous). They’ve said no and explained why not. You’ve then proceeded to argue with their personal views to tell them why they should want your life.

if you’re happy, you’re happy - why does it matter if anyone else would want your lifestyle? Are you just expecting us all to fawn over how idyllic your life is?

IME someone looking for this level of validation on their lifestyle choices isn’t as happy as they feel they should be. Perhaps deep down you’re not that happy, but it doesn’t reconcile as you have your perceived ideal life - so you’re looking for us all to reassure you on how great you’re doing

This is excellently articulated and all the things I wanted to say!

Her goals and struggle might be climbing mountains then climbing higher ones or more difficult hikes, that’s a huge struggle…