Is this a ‘Soft life’

[Wellthatwasabrupt]

And would you want it?

Has Dh, one young Dc and dogs, lives overseas by the beach and countryside, nice house with pool and sea views.
Works 6 hours per week from home. Does all drop offs and pick ups, food shop, dinners, majority to do with Dc and sorting bills. Has a cleaner.
Dh works Mon-Fri -finishes 4.30, no one works weekends.
Days are free based around Dc school drops, coffee with friends, Pilates, yoga, studying or reading if you like, watching Netflix all day if you like, shopping, beach, pool, garden

Would you call this a soft life? Would you like it, be honest?

Most people who haven't got an " interesting" life outside work seem to have young kids. No money and time for hobbies, travel etc unless you are well off to afford it all plus extra childcare

The ambition doesn't have to be career focused though does

Your relative clearly does have purpose and meaning in his work because he enjoys solving problems and creating things. People don't need some "lofty" or world-changing purpose. It looks different for different people. For some it's work, for others it's family, volunteering, creativity, learning or community. There isn't one formula.

Sponging off a man, not using your brain and not making a contribution to society? None of those things are apparent here

Yes.

Sponging - she's not earning enough to support herself so he must be paying for her.

Not using brain/not making a contribution - if she's only working 6 hours a week, she's not challenging herself, showing any ambition or doing something useful. Pilates and watching netflix is not contributing to society.

I don't get this either. All of the most interesting conversations I've had have been nothing to do with anyone's work. People's hobbies, their sense of humour, thier view on the world. Most people have boring jobs and I can only think of about half a dozen of them that I'd be interested in talking about. I know someone who's hobby is cleaning old abandoned graves, putting down fresh gravel, flowers, she researches their life too. She has some fascinating stories of who these people were. I'd rather talk about that, than someone's job in the civil service and how many meetings they had or what a big budget they're in charge of

Depends on your physical and mental health. You could have an easy work life and live in a beautiful place and have the worst health anxiety or chronic pain or problems with family members, distant grumpy husband etc.

So weird that you asked ppl for opinions, then spend the whole thread defending whom exactly? Yourself? Your wife? Your friend or relative?

How do you know what she's doing or how much she's earning? How do you know if she "challenging herself"? And what on earth is does that mean anyway?

Who decides what's "useful"?

Why can working less hours mean someone isn’t using their brain or making an important contribution? The job does both and a lot more so than many jobs

So depressing that raising their (joint) child is not seen as making a contribution.

Yes and all the rest

Not everyone is ambitious and that's ok.
Some people have chronic health issues.
You can contribute in all sorts of ways to society, not just through work!!

The one child is school age. That's many hours a week when they're not at home. It is very possible to raise a child and do other useful stuff, lots of waking hours a week!

I just think this life sounds like how I picture my retirement (I have a wfh contractor job I'll keep on, like op's 6h). The difference is, I'll be close to 70yo when I retire, and my old bones will need the yoga/pilates, the slow pace of life, and sitting around for coffee meetups in garden centres.

I don't want to live as a retiree before I'm 40, what a waste!

How do you know she's not earning enough to support herself? The op hasn't said how much she earns.

I don't work a huge amount more than this and I support the family by being the main wage earner.

@WellthatwasabruptFGS please can you tell us your relationship to this scenario-multiple people have asked. It’s just going round in circles.

I had that and it was boring. I run my own business now and love what I created - I‘m also able to be a role model for my children who watched me build something from nothing. I want them to be resilient and have a good work ethic. I doubt children would learn this from watching me sip matcha lattes..

It seems a soft life, whatever that means.
Is soft/easy interchangeable?

I wouldn't be bored because I love my own company but I think I would become lazy. I would do what needed doing first thing and then schlep around for the rest of the day.
I wouldn't meet people for a brew as that just doesn't appeal it it's more than once in a while.

How old are you @Wellthatwasabrupt ?
Is this the situation you are in, or are you asking about someone else?

Absolutely this! There is so much to do in a life that doesn’t revolve around the Monday to Friday 9 to 5.

I get up at 7, do Pilates/Yoga, DH, the dog and I have breakfast.

I work about 4 hours a day, 3 times a week.

I have the DGC over 2/3 times a week.

I read, I garden, I cook wonderful Mediterranean meals, I grow vegetables in the summer months, I attend a couple of community sessions, I visit family and friends in London. I don’t have much time to watch Netflix.

I am actually very busy, find that there aren’t enough hours in the day and fall into bed exhausted.

Agree with the self improvement point especially. And I never get bored, I am just living life.

And it is not all based on my DH, there is no insecurity. I have more qualifications than my DH and we have both worked equally for what we have. It does happen!

But that’s just about filling time, the same way everyone does. In your case you have just made your hobbies your main focus. you choose to fill your life with this stuff instead of watching Netflix or whatever. It isn’t any more ‘worthy’ than any other hobby but there is often some element of judgement unfortunately (not from you particularly, just in general). Although not sure of the relevance of the Mediterranean bit - cooking is cooking

Personally I couldn’t do it as I think I would be bored! But then my work is also tied so closely to my overwhelming passion in life that even if I didn’t work many hours, my off hours would be largely identical to my work hours.

Pretty sure this is the husband now as OP steadfastly refuses to disclose his/ her relationship to the person discussed. It's the way the post is written.

"Soft life"
Watch Netflix all day
Going for coffee

I have worked in hospitality and for many years in the NHS. I wouldn’t describe the contents of my day as hobbies at all. I do have hobbies which I didn’t mention. The things I did are the contents of my day.

Oh I have passions, literature, art and music. Now they are my hobbies. I do actually run my own business also. That is where I work for 3 / 4 hours a day, a few times a week. My business sustains our life.

I mentioned Mediterranean cooking because I like good food, not as a hobby but as a passion and because the life I live allows me time to cook.

When I was doing the 9 to 5, I was exhausted and providing a healthy meal everyday when getting home at 7 in the evening wasn’t always a choice.

I chose to move away from that life.

If you have dgc, you are presumably nearish retirement age. That's a totally different picture. A woman in her 30s, no way near the menopause, wouldn't be falling into bed exhausted after a day of reading, gardening, yoga and cooking.

I would love to have your life when I'm in my 60s, as I guess you might be. But I would hate it while I'm in my 30s, as I guess op's protagonist is.

I am 59!