Adopting a dog when son wants a specific one we might not be successful applying for

[gerries]

We visited a dog cafe recently where they have rescue dogs as well as people bringing their own dogs. We have been thinking of rescuing this breed of dog for a while now and I wanted to see how my son got on with them. Thought it would be a nice experience (and it was!) however we have applied for a specific dog and we may not be successful (they have a lot of applications).

My son doesn't know I am considering even getting a dog as I don't want to get his hopes up re a process that can take a long time.

Problem is, he fell in love with a specific dog (the one I applied for) and he has cried over this dog every night since we left. I am now thinking what the bloody hell have I done?! Never known him to get so attached to an animal so quickly before.

If we don't get this dog, how do I deal with potentially getting a different one? I worry about him hyperfixating and no other dog ever being good enough. Possibly being daft. It may be that he falls in love with any dog we get.

Just feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional about it all as he formed a real bond (the dog ignored everyone else and just wanted to be velcroed to him so I can see why he is acting the way he is!).

How do I manage this moving forward? Do I pause and give it a few months for him to 'forget' the other one? Any dog people here who can advise?

I'd not rescue an adult dog with a young child btw. Not sure how old your son is.

Anyway. I'd be very clear about the process, that we might not get the dog, and promise a bought puppy of the breed if we do not.

The dog will be 1. They get a lot of these dogs given up to them at a young age as they are brachycephalic and people cannot afford to look after them. I grew up with them as rescues and they are very good with children. Thankfully I am able to afford the medical costs even if they are large. I wouldn't get a puppy of this breed as it is unethical, but there are hundreds in rescues across the UK.

Don't you just explain that the dog belongs to somebody. You can't simply have any dog just because you like it. Like anything else in the World.

Yes of course, however he has had such a weird reaction (he has cried himself to sleep for three nights because he 'loves the dog so much it hurts') so am trying to make sure I get this right. If they call and there is another dog up for adoption instead that they feel would be suited to our family I am concerned he will just reject it because it's not rhe dog he loves. He is autistic if that makes any difference.

I wouldn’t say anything for now. How old is your son? Unfortunately lots of rescues won’t place dogs if there are children in the home. Sometimes they have a rule like no children under 12/14/16. And even if they allow it, usually if there are multiple applications for one dog they will go with homes without children first. That’s one reason why so many families end up going to breeders instead.

I think I’d see how it plays out and give him time to forget the dog. It sounds like it’s something like a French/English bulldog or pug. It may take some time and searching to find a rescue that will allow you to adopt from them depending on your son’s age, so don’t be disheartened by this first one if nothing comes of it. He’ll love whatever dog you end up adopting.

Rescuing unethical breeds just encourages people to breed more of them. They have that safety net for the ones too unhealthy to sell.

This is how I feel exactly. He is only 7 and we only apply for dogs that are suitable to be home with children. We would never go to a breeder though.

Thank you.

Yes, I appreciate this, however the general consensus among animal welfare organisations is that the individual dogs are not responsible for the fact that they exist, and that boycotting rescues wouldn't stop backyard breeding. It would just end up with mass euthanasia (not always done 'ethicall) and rescues would just end up being incredibly strained. To stop unethical breeding there really need to be changes in legislation and ideally bans places on breeding severely brachycephalic breeds (aka the Netherlands legislation). Dogs that already exist deserve the right care and love despite having been bred unethically.

That's what a lot of people think should happen to XL Bullies, too. They are all unhealthy, unethical dogs. Putting them down would be a mercy on them. Animals have no concept of the future. They know right now, some concept of the past and that's it.

Why not focus on an ethical, healthy breed and rescue one of those?

What a ridiculous thing to say!

So are rescues supposed to shoot them on sight??!

Wow

Humanely euthanise.

It isn't at all ridiculous. Many breeders use rescues for this exact purpose. They give them the dogs they can't sell as well as the "returns".

The only rescues should be breed specific and mostly have ex working dogs and those where the owner has died or can't look after them. These dogs should only go to experienced owners or those willing to undergo and educational programme on the breed and their needs.

Well we can agree to disagree. Bracycephalic dogs can live happy lives if given the right care. Many people do not care for them properly. I do not agree with breeding them, but I also do not agree with the philosophy that euthanasia is a mercy for all brachycephalic dogs. It is population control (which I appreciate some people have no problem with). I don't agree with euthanasing all bracycephalic dogs, and don't want to derail the thread.

No, not all brachy dogs. But little ones like frenchies and pugs who literally cannot breathe due to their terrible genetics, yes. If it warrants surgery, then that's an indication that they fit that bill.

You asked what you should do if your son doesnt get to adopt this unethcially bred, unhealthy dog. I am suggesting you teach him to love healthy, ethically bred dogs so that becomes his norm.

🫡

When you get a dog your son will love it 100%. He will understand if this one went to another family.
I wouldn't match a child with an animal without a commitment to adoption. Of course a child will react to meeting an animal in a cafe set up.

And I don't want to engage in the competition to save a dog. That's why I prefer a breeder where you can have an honest dialogue.

I think if it's a good rescue you can still have an honest dialogue, it just isn't always the fastest of processes!

We rehomed our Frenchie when she was 5 months and she has just turned 5 and we have not had one issue with her breathing at all. In fact apart from her getting corn stuck in her ear from running through a field she has never been at the vet other than her usual checks and jabs. Not all brachy dogs have issues.
And every breed comes with some sort of issue linked to their genetics.

I would never go to a breeder either but she has a fantastic life with us and not in a crate 12 hours a day in a tiny flat which she was in her first home. Luckily for us this doesn't seem to have left her with trauma she's the most loving wee dog ever.

I'm sure your son will adore whichever lucky wee dog ends up part of your family.
If it is a frenchie you are looking at then the rehoming charity FLOOF are desperate for foster and adopting families as they are having to turn so many dogs away

Op he’s 7, plus autistic, he’s hyper fixated because imagine being that age and being told a dog in this place needs a home and then you meet one you like, it just seems so hopeless and hopeful at the same time and is a very tough thing for him to figure out! Just- you need to remember you’re the adult here. He can’t make decisions and you need to distract him if it doesn’t work out (not necessarily with a pet!!)

Just say that our dog will probably be a different one. That he needs to accept that and if he can't then no dog. Sad but true. He needs to show he's emotionally mature enough to understand that he's not getting a specific dog. And he's very lucky to be getting one at all.

Maybe the dog might have been reunited with its original owner?

I know they don't. Some brachy breeds are more prone than others, though. Those particular breeds should be banned like pitbulls. It's cruel to endorse them as pets knowing how shit their genetics are.

Are you sure a dog is right for you and your family at all?

Good luck with your application @gerries. Sometimes you meet your soul dog and it sounds like this is your son's. I'd not mention it's even a possibility until you know with way and then you can let him down gently or celebrate!

If your child reacts this way around a dog that isn't his, he's not ready for a dog. Dog's are living, breathing, creatures. Not objects to 'claim' or make demands of. Anyone - man, woman or child - who reacts this way over an animal is not suitable to have one.

What's he going to do if whatever dog you get doesn't have any interest in him? Or it wants to sleep and he wants to play? Or, indeed, if it nips at him?

This is only going to end one way: with your son acting inappropriately with a dog and getting bitten. Tale as old as time.

Any rescue who re-homed to you would be incredibly negligent (and most good ones don't re-home to children this young anyway).

I don't think it would be a good idea to introduce a dog into your family given his strong emotions around it. It doesn't sound like he can cope with the idea, never mind the reality of owning a dog, and that would be very difficult for him, you and of course, the dog.

I think pause the idea for now, do some more research on dog breeds and planning for integrating one into your family, and how that impacts each if you.
Above all, don't involve him in discussing and planning huge decisions like this, he cannot cope with it.
Remember, a dog us for life.