AIBU to say no to the next big family holiday abroad?

[Sweethoneydew]

We recently went on a big family holiday (23 in total, 8 kids aged 6 and under).

My family have already started suggesting ideas in 2028 but I don’t want to go again for a few years, or at least not abroad. I don’t mind the idea of staycation which I have suggested.

Although it’s nice to see each other it’s always chaotic given the number of people/kids and it’s a lot of money to spend as we have to go during school holidays. Someone is also always disappointing about something e.g. hotel, location, people going to bed to early because of the kids. It’s also really hard to feel like you are spending time with everyone as people go off and do their own thing but we would have dinner together and it was not enjoyable as it’s very early for the kids/too hot/kids don’t behave. My husband is also saying he doesn’t want to go again and was pretty miserable the entire trip.

When I have expressed that we likely won’t be going on the next one, my family are always making me feel guilty. AIBU to say no to the next one? What do I say when they make me feel bad for saying no.

Just tell them it's to full on for a yearly main holiday.

A weekend/Fri-Mon staycation would be a perfect solution for a full family holiday but outside of that, no not for me.

‘I’m glad you enjoyed our company, but we would quite like a quiet holiday next time’

My lot hire a big house in the UK countryside for the May bank holiday and 2 weeks in Greece annually, but that’s another story! I’d never join the Greece holiday, beach every day would bore me silly, but the long weekend is quite fun. Lots of kids, non stop activities, it’s very sociable.

Remember that you are perfectly within your rights to simply decline. You don’t need to give silly excuses or lie. You just say you’re doing your own thing and no thanks. Use the famous mumsnet trope ‘That doesn’t work for us’. You don’t need to explain.

Do your kids enjoy it? Mine absolutely love going on holiday with all the family and some of my best memories from childhood were big family holidays. Yes it’s chaotic and you get a bit pissed off with people at times and it’s hard to please everyone but worth it in my opinion! For many reasons we can’t do big family trips now and boy do I miss them.

I always think these things are unfair to impose on spouses - very few people want to regularly holiday with their in-laws! Let alone spend a ton of money to do so.
You've just done a big family holiday and it's totally fair to say that you want quieter, less full on breaks for a while.

Sounds exhausting
although I could see it might be just about ok if you go to a French campsite or Dutch holiday park and each family has its own accommodation

anyway, NO, if you don’t fancy it

Just tell them you can only do the big aboard every couple of years but you’ve love to camp/caravan park it for a long weekend in the uk if everyone is up for it.

Also gives the children different experiences but together.

In another 2 years time the children will all be older and easier.

I know a family of five siblings, and they seem to love these big family holidays, but three out of the five have had a marriage breakdown, and another one is married to some big shot who is away a lot, but who chips in massive amounts of money for expensive flights etc.

I don’t think this is generally true. You can certainly have strong family bonds with people without going on massive family holidays (especially if, as seems to be the case here, anyone who doesn’t want to go is guilt-tripped into it). In fact, I know a couple of families who do massive holidays and I would say they’re enmeshed rather than close. They’re always guilt tripping, and it feels like half of them go just because they’re scared the others will talk about them if they don’t. I’ve no doubt that some families enjoy this sort of thing, but it’s certainly not a guarantee (or a sign) of a close family.

OP, I think you just cheerfully say “Thanks, but we’ve made our own plans for next year - looking forward to hearing all about it”.

You have your own agency.

You can say no for whatever reason you want or for no reason at all. You don’t even have to explain.

Its not enmeshed.

mumsnet is so weird. Enmeshed because families like each other and want to spend time together. Its only mumsnet that is for some bizarre reason anti family 😂

Just say no. Then do not feel guulty.

Anti family and anti children. It's very strange for a site with mum in the title.

I love my family. But this sounds like my idea of hell!

It’s two years off yet? Can you say you can’t think that far ahead yet! You are saving for a different holiday that you would prefer to do and can’t do both. We have done one before like that and never again.

Oh we forgot the anti men too but we can forgive that one given the absolute shits a lot of them are.

its crazy

I never again went on holiday with family after the age of 16. We had totally different lifestyles.

Why not go ahead and arrange a holiday for the immediate family on the quiet. Then you can quite truthfully say that your funds and your annual leave are all spoken for.

Similar issue here complicated by the fact that there are several branches of the family around the world so we end up somewhere abroad which adds to the expense and hassle.

i would be up for a long weekend where we could focus on being together rather
than spending a week trying to coordiNate and a holiday park so each family could have its independence

I bet all the kids absolutely loved it thought

But OP doesn’t particularly enjoy it, and her DH doesn’t enjoy it either. If they all loved going, fine. But if they’re being guilted into it, that’s not a lovely close family; that’s enmeshment. I wonder how many of the others feel they “have to” go too, knowing the family will be disappointed with them if they don’t.