AIBU to say no to the next big family holiday abroad?

[Sweethoneydew]

We recently went on a big family holiday (23 in total, 8 kids aged 6 and under).

My family have already started suggesting ideas in 2028 but I don’t want to go again for a few years, or at least not abroad. I don’t mind the idea of staycation which I have suggested.

Although it’s nice to see each other it’s always chaotic given the number of people/kids and it’s a lot of money to spend as we have to go during school holidays. Someone is also always disappointing about something e.g. hotel, location, people going to bed to early because of the kids. It’s also really hard to feel like you are spending time with everyone as people go off and do their own thing but we would have dinner together and it was not enjoyable as it’s very early for the kids/too hot/kids don’t behave. My husband is also saying he doesn’t want to go again and was pretty miserable the entire trip.

When I have expressed that we likely won’t be going on the next one, my family are always making me feel guilty. AIBU to say no to the next one? What do I say when they make me feel bad for saying no.

No. I’m sorry we’ve made alternative plans.

You say no I’m sorry we can’t do that it’s outside of our budget or we are busy already have plans or we can’t get annual leave.

Suggest a week or weekend in this country in a big house instead. Then you can all make your way in separate cars, meet half way point see a bit of each other but it won’t be overwhelming or tons of travelling.

That sounds like a stressful way to spend annual leave and money.

It also sounds like quite an enmeshed set-up.

I've been married a long time and have gone on a few short breaks abroad with either family and a few UK weekends away, that's more than enough.

Sounds like hell 🤣 "no thanks, have fun though!" and breeze on by!

I mean, that is large family trips, isn't it? There is no way to have a solution that meet the ideal for every single person of 23 people. You just have to suck it up. As long as people aren't horrible and rude and unpleasant, having dinner a bit early or not being at the hotel you would choose is just part of it.

But it's also where bonds are built between family members and where children look back and potentially remember spending time with cousins/grandparents/aunts/uncles.

If you really hate it, then just be a grown up and say you won't be coming and just refuse to let them make you feel guilty.
But if you don't spend time with your family and your children don't spend time with them in their own right, they will not have a strong extended family link.
Sometimes that is fine - your extended family might be awful people. But if it's just that the holiday isn't at your perfect destination then refusing to go seems a bit much.

All holidays with children under 6 are a bit grim anyway.

Holiday parks in uk are perfect as each family can hire a lodge or caravan. Then sit outside once kids are in bed.

YANBU that doesn’t sound like a relaxing holiday to me. My mum came with us one year as my dad was unwell and even though it was just her it changed the dynamic of the trip. Some people love the whole big group holiday it’s just not for me at all but I’m also the sort of person who isn’t interested in making friends on holiday. I just want to go away and relax .

Holiday or break in the UK.
Your lucky to have family to holiday with though.

‘No thanks we didn’t really enjoy the last one’

Sounds awful, just say no, it’s your holiday and money, don’t come up with excuses like finances or they’ll come up with workarounds, just say no thanks count us out and stick to it, you don’t owe anyone any explanations.

I'll be honest, this type of massive family holiday would be my worst nightmare! I'd hate it.

Simply tell your family that you will be arranging a holiday yourself, and won't be going on the big holiday in a couple of years.

“ No thanks we fancy doing our own thing next time”

Job done.

It’s too expensive, we won’t be joining you.

Holiday in the UK if you prefer (though this is not a staycation, it’s still a holiday 🤣).

A weekend at Center Parcs or similar is plenty. Everyone feels like they've seen each other and then you can part ways before it all gets too much.

It's a great thing to do once or twice, but people grow out of such big gatherings eventually, especially if there are more and more kids on board and people with different likes and dislikes, which is inevitable.

I enjoyed them in the past, but wouldn't do it now for a lotto win. Travelling is stressful enough without 24 other bodies in the mix.

There is no easy way to say it I suppose, except something like you would much prefer a weekend away in UK now. I certainly wouldn't go if I was not going to enjoy it, it's too much money to spend for someone else's enjoyment!

You'd never know, others in the group might just be looking for the first domino to fall and will be secretly relieved that they can back out too.

Just say you found it too hectic with so many people.

Would you be prepared to book somewhere that suits you and your budget in the UK, then leave it for anyone else to book as well themselves if they want to.

You don't have to go. Can you say you are going somewhere else instead next year? Leave the door open for 2029 maybe. Once you decline you might open the door for others to opt out. Perhaps plan a local long weekend with just your parents if you think that would make up for it. It is very hard to please that many people on a holiday.

I would break my own arm to avoid a holiday like that.

Just say you won’t be able to do these trips going forward because you are focusing your money on other things.

Repeat as necessary.

Kids will be older and they get easier / dinners get later etc
just saying you could put a pin in it and wait to commit - it’s ages away

23 people? Yikes.

Could you propose a weekend together (1/2 nights max) instead?

It’s absolutely fine to say we want to do the next few holidays just us.

Could you reach a compromise with a UK weekend away?

Hmm, I read somewhere that doing this ie saying why makes it sound like a negotiation so you may want to limit the reasons. Not for us this year we are doing our own thing.
No one can make you feel anything though, you generate your own feelings so generate a different one!

God no, life's too short. If you can't relax and do your own thing on your holiday what's the point?

Just say no, my family do a short summer staycation and a winter break over the Christmas holidays, there is no way I could justify spending 1000’s for the winter holiday.