AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

Oh yeah I forgot, so had I. Slightly older BFF got a job aged 17 as a nanny in mid-A level summer in France so I flew there aged 16 to stay for a week. My parents didn't even take me to the airport. In fact they didn't even take me to the train station to get the train to the airport - I got on a bus and then the good old national express. And obviously booked my own tickets etc. I feel suffocated just thinking about my mum worrying about me being inside a cinema aged 17 😂

At 17, I had a part time job alongside 6th form which didn't finish until 1am (restaurant/gig venue). I often cycled home as then I got to keep the taxi fare money - they gave us a tenner in cash every night after finishing.

At like many others, I was in nightclubs at 16 getting a night bus home, went to festivals for a weekend and took myself off across the country on trains to visit prospective universities for open days and/or spend the weekend with friends already there.

It's bemusing how normalised this infantilisation of older teens has become.

I had to collect my son around this time at weekends for a few years from his weekend job.

Just take a book or phone. Read or watch something on your phone .

Getting a taxi is a completely normal thing to do.

If you think it isn't and you're intent on passing on your anxiety, you'll just have to suck up the fact you're now her late night taxi driver.

YABVU. What will you do when she's 18.?Which could be very soon, I don't remember reading if you had said. She needs to learn to navigate this world in all aspects.

At 17 I think it's her choice but you don't have to pick her up. Insist she gets a taxi back. She needs to be able to travel without relying on lifts

Seriously?!!!!! Is this for real?!!! There is no hope. 17 and having to ask permission to go to the cinema on an evening is bonkers in itself .

OP did not state there were additional needs. Why would anyone jump to conclusions, you answer with the information given.

The idea of ‘not letting her go’ was a bit ridiculous …

But surely the normal thing would be for the friend who has to travel to stay overnight with a friend closer to the venue. Or at least for two to travel home together?

There’s no denying there’s risk attached to late night taxis if one is alone - but that’s no reason to limit a 17 year old’s freedom. It’s just a matter of arranging the safest and most convenient way to do things.

if you dont want to drive that is totally fair enough

The cinema is going to be jam packed full of 17 year olds at that time. It’s not like she’s going to be sitting in a theatre full of dirty old men.

Check with the cinema as to the finishing time of the film and be outside in the car waiting for her………it’s one night and the school holidays, don’t embarrass her by banning her when she’s looking forward to meeting friends. Give her a little independence……it’ll keep her close……hold her back and risk losing her!

She’s 17, in a year she may be leaving home. I regularly went to late night showings at that age and no mobile phones then either, nobody picked me up. Unless there’s sen or something she should be quite capable

At 17, your daughter is more than old enough to be watching a film at 8.45 pm. She'll be inside the cinema until the film finishes and you're collecting her. At the worst she might be stood outside the cinema for a few minutes waiting for you.

Your daughter will be 18 shortly, and legally an adult. You won't be able to 'stop' her going out late. She may go off to university, where you'll have zero control over where/who with/what time, she does anything!

What an assumption/accusation jesus 😂

Agree with most OP, she's pretty much an adult

She's 17!

I could have driven myself to the cinema at that age and left home a month after I was 18.

Hey OP

She will be fine (and so will you, I hate driving late at night 😬)

Hope she enjoys Spider-Man ☺️

Christ on a bike - a 17 we used to go out to pubs and clubs in the town 8 miles away and share a cab home at 1am.

I remember vividly at 16 going to see Pulp Fiction in the bigger town 15 miles away, then dancing at the local indie dive and then getting the last train home at midnight.

There was no mention of special needs in the OP.

Just on this, I don’t like doing the late night pickups. Because I’m shattered. Not because I drink at home.

OP, you have done incredibly well if your 17 year old has never been out until midnight. Our 14 year old has required some 11pm pick ups. Hope she has a great time.

I assumed this thread was going to be AIBU for thinking midnight is far too late for my teenager to expect me to drive out to pick her up? Given that you appear to have no issue with that, you are being 100% unreasonable to think midnight is too late for a 17 year old to be 'out' (the cinema, which are generally safe complexes, is hardly 'out out'). In another year or so she could be off to uni, then you won't have a clue what's she's doing, where, when, and who with. You really need to let go. At 17 she is practically an adult. You are coming to pick her up. What do you seriously think is going to happen to her?

For what it's worth, I would have said you're not being unreasonable if this was about not wanting to go out at midnight to pick up and I would have agreed she's taking the pee a bit picking that time in a different town if she's wanting a lift home. It is a bit cheeky. Given that you're ok with that part though, I honestly don't understand the issue.

ohh that sounds abit dangerous though...I wouldn't have wanted to walk a long distance home at that time at any age (I probably watch too much 'true crime' tho!) 😂

Admittedly I was pretty feral as a teen, but the level of coddling of young people thesw days never ceases to astonish me.

At 16 I got ona sort of student engagment programme with a large media organisation that required me to stay in London for a few days every few months. I went on my own (I was the youngest, most were gap year or university students) my dad was a self employed single parent so there was no question of him being able to come with me, so I went on my own.

Jesus Christ.