AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

FAFS

Jesus Christ OP

Wait til you find out the Cinema is a ruse for drinking a litre of cider in a field and smoking a joint

You really need to loosen the apron strings! She’s 17 and going to the cinema. By that age I was well and truly in my clubbing era.

At her age I was a mother.

she will be fine eating popcorn and enjoying the movie with her friend

Did she expect you to come and collect her or did she ask? Could she stay at her friend’s?

OP were you genuinely contemplating 'not allowing' your dd to meet her friend and use her booked tickets for the first night of Spiderman? Causing her incredible humiliation with her friend. loss of tickets etc?

I am guessing you experience a lot of stress and worry and are not used to being out much yourself.

It is really important that you don't pass anxieties on to your dd.

It is a difficult time, watching our teens spread their wings, but we shouldn't keep them cooped up to protect our maternal worrying! We have to be brave.

Saying goodbye to my 14 year old as he set off on a 2 day Scout camp walking over Beachy Head...packing him off to Reading Festival after GCSEs at 16, then the interrailing across West and Eastern Europe at 17....all nerve wracking for me, all safely and sensibly accomplished.

Giving them problem solving skills is important. and the confidence to look out for themselves, learn to make safe decisions, engage common sense etc. It doesn't happen by staying at home after tea time and only travelling by Mum Taxi.

Honestly you’re lucky this is the first time this has come up! When I was 17 I was at parties & getting into nightclubs underage 😂 my poor parents. Is she just turned 17 (going into 6th form) or about to start last year of secondary?

It was the popcorn that made you pregnant 🤣!

If there were those considerations that would have been mentioned and would be a key part of the OP. As they weren’t mentioned I’d have to assume a typical 17 year old, and therefore the OP is being hugely overprotective given her daughter could be away from home at uni within a year!

If you are picking her up get there to meet her as she comes out of the cinema so she is not hanging around. And some 17 year olds are more streetwise than others, you are invincible at that age.

Yabu. I have an 18 year old daughter and a year ago I’d have let her do this. You have to let them go at some point.
The only thing I wouldn’t have allowed (and still don’t!) is getting home by herself that late but as you’re picking her up that’s not an issue.

At her age I was pregnant with my first child! Im sure she will be fine in just a few short months she will be 18!

A year is a long time and a university campus is a pretty safe location, she would almost certainly be in halls of residence and going out and coming back in with friends.

Do you think uni students spend every night on campus and never venture in to the city/town centre then? Very naive.

She's never been out till midnight? And she's 17?

Blimey

Nope, I grew up in the UK and had the same experience, clubbing from 16, left home at 17 for uni. If my mum had worried about me going to the cinema and being chauffeured home at the age of 17 I would have passed out from shock.

I don't want to be too OTT but I genuinely worry about young people like OPs daughter, I hope she's a lot more independent than she's made out to be here because if not she'll be living at home till her 30s, terrified to make a phone call or get a job😬

I think you need to unwrap the bubble wrap a bit and let her go with her friend. Tell her to wait by exit of cinema and you can collect her. She should be safe in a cinema with her friend. She's not a little kid anymore. You have to let her grow up. Next year she could be at uni and you'll have no idea what she is going there.

Not all universities are campus based - many big city ones are not. And your adult offspring may be friends mostly with people who aren't in the same halls of them.

OP, your daughter is 17 and going to the cinema. She should be making her own plans about her activities and how to travel to them. You don't need to be involved. She can either book a taxi (Uber etc has live location sharing options) or stay at her friends. Or spend her money on a premier inn. Whatever. She can sort it out herself and just let you know not to expect her back until Xx o clock.

Sadly not! If only I’d spent more time in cinemas watching movies instead of mixing with horrible men (love my DC obviously men were the issue)! She’ll have a great time x

If she's in Scotland she could be at uni in September. Indeed if she's an older 17yo should could be at uni in September!

And I agree with PP, living alone at uni, campus or not, is incomparably more independent than going to the cinema and getting picked up by mum and driven home. Would be fine to do this with a 14 yr old if she had a phone on her!

I'd travelled abroad and I'd left home at 17.

If your fine picking her up I don't see an issue.

We don't drive so my focus would be getting back safely - and frankly where we are that late in our city center wandering really isn't safe - but nearby town by cinerma being picked up by a parent - really don't see an issue.

Honestly once mine went to uni at 18 they could have been anywhere - and I did get some early morning whatsapp from city where a nice cat was seen.

Focus this age iI had was/is getting them ready to live independently - think through how to get around safely but here your doing the picking up so it's not even that.

It’s amazing how life has changed, at 13 I was babysitting two children a few times a week and walking home after at midnight.

@ofcolitas

lol there are loads of reasons why a person might not wanna do a late evening lift for the teenager, other than because they want to drink …maybe they have a gym class planned? Or maybe they are seeing their own friends? Or maybe they just can’t be arsed.

I think its a great opportunity for you to get used to her being out at night on her own. You have to start somewhere because by next summer she'll be out in pubs and clubs.
When i was 15/16 I would go the pub and my dad would pretend to be a cab driver and park around the corner to collect me when the pub shut but save me the embarrasment of saying my dad was collecting me😂