AIBU for not wanting a relationship with my neighbour?

[Gamerchick124]

Me and my partner have moved into a property recently. We're very quiet people and like to keep ourselves to ourselves, however, since moving in the neighbours who are lovely, but the wife seems pushy in wanting some kind of friendship with me?

I dont want to sound horrible, I just dont want to be her friend, i just dont really like people.

I dont know how to approach this gently without hurting her feelings as there's also a language issue as shes foreign and doesnt really understand what im saying?

NDN is probably just being friendly. Maybe she is lonely? Keep communication polite and quick and I’m sure she will soon get the message.

Just keep it polite and short, she will get the hint.

What have you tried so far?

Actually, it’s really useful to be on friendly-ish terms with your neighbours: you never know when you might need help in an emergency or just everyday favours. That doesn’t mean you have to be best friends. A smile and a brief chat occasionally is enough to grease the wheels of amicability.

You need to practice the good old fashioned English habit of polite but distant and a clipped tone that does not encourage chat. People who suggest keeping well in with the neighbours "because you may need them one day" are really being self serving and don't want to admit it.

If pushed. something like:

"Its nothing personal or anything you've done but I just wanted you to know that my partner and I are not into neighbouring. We are very quiet private people and we prefer to keep to ourselves. I do hope you understand."

This lets your neighbours know the lay of the land without being accused of being racist, ageist. classist or any other ist.

She'll get the message by how you respond. I do agree its good to be on friendly terms with your neighbours; Taking in parcels, sharing local info, etc.

If she can't really speak or understand much English the most she'd get from me us a smile, a wave and a Hello.

One of my allotment neighbours insists on talking at me in whatever language she has - not a single word of English. All I can do is shrug at her. God knows what she thinks she's achieving.

She's been doing this for 5 years.

Just put a note through her door stating that you don't like people and have no intention of being her friend.

YANBU, there is absolutely no reason to have any kind of relationship with a neighbour. After all, it would only be based on the random coincidence of buying/renting nearby houses. I would be very put off by this pushy neighbour too.

They're sex people Lynn 😉

You need to be on good terms with your neighbours even if you don’t want to be good friends. You never know when you might need some help.

If she doesn't really understand what you're saying, how do you know she actually wants to be your friend so badly?

😂

Why do you need to approach it? Just don't accept any invites and don't extend any to her. Be polite when you see her but don't ask questions or engage in conversation. Surely she will get the idea?

I’ve managed zero socialising with my attached neighbour (bar an older guy’s afternoon tea in his garden for his birthday this year) in 20 years. We speak if we are both on our drives, we’ve signed passports for them, they’ve signed stuff for us but that’s it. Never had coffee or anything. There’s no need to be mega friendly, just nod, smile, shout hi, get in the car or walk off. Easy.

When you see her say hello and keep walking.

Rude and unnecessary.
Just be polite as previous posters have suggested.

Manners cost nothing.

I’m the same as you OP. I just smile and wave and that’s the limit.

You don’t have to be best mates but there’s no harm in saying a friendly hello. Don’t do anything rude like putting a note through the door or telling her you don’t ‘neighbour’ - that’s unacceptable and unnecessary.

'Neighbouring'?!

She will understand Fuck Off. May as well say that since that's really what you want your neighbours to do. Be true to yourself so.

My new neighbour kept saying we should have a coffee together (they have coffees with other neighbours). I smile, say hello and keep walking. I take in parcels, I return their dogs when they climb through the hedge, and I continue to smile and walk. Not had that coffee yet and it's been over a year 😆

I completely understand the desire to not be dragged into having to socialise but saying you “don’t really like people” is ridiculous and self defeating. This phrase is one of my pet hates.

Your OH is a person presumably? As are your family and friends?

It seems you are unsocial, one of my neighbours, I’m protective of has Down’s syndrome, always out, great friends with her mum.
i live in a cul de sac and for a few years bbqs, now past that stage, small cul de sac

That would work, they’d think you’re a proper weirdo and will steer well clear.

But seriously, it’s not rocket science, just give them a smile and hello if you see them and don’t engage further. Short but polite replies. ‘-How are you? - Good thanks, hope you’re alright’ and off you go.