I need your help mums :(

[pleasesomeone]

I’m crying writing this. I know I’m gonna sound utterly rediculous but I’m desperate.

my 4th child does not sleep. He is 20 months old
I have tried everything. For long periods.
I have kept bedtime routine at 7. I’ve then tried later bedtimes.
I’ve had normal baby cot, travel cot, toddler bed.
I’ve tried silence, white noise, night light, pitch black.
I’ve tried earlier dinner, later dinner.
I’ve finally given in just to get a BIT of sleep and co slept with him.
I take him to bed no matter what time or how it takes over an hour to get him to sleep.
he’s up and hour later. And all through the night probs every hour. He’s never ever slept through from birth.

I know he’s not in pain or unwell etc.
last few nights I thought right I’m gonna let him self soothe a bit in his cot. Left him to cry for 10 mins. Next minute he’s on the landing. Climbed out the cot!!!!!! And it’s o the lowest level.

im at my Whitts end. He takes up all my time. I’m functioning on zero sleep. Feel sorry for my other kids. If he finally drifts off he’s still up at 5am. Waking the house up.
he is mardy himself most days because he just hardly sleeps.
any tips or advice? Please don’t put me down I’m trying my best and honestly I already feel rock bottom as a mum.

I’ve also tried making him over tired and under tired before bed. Still the same
even tried camomile baby tea and magnesium before bed. I feel like I gave birth to Chucky.

Also tried more naps in day and no naps. Still same

Have you tried sleep training?

First port of call should be a GP visit for both of you. His to rule out any medical reasons for his lack of being able to sleep and for you because you're burnt out at rock bottom.

Yes. Self soothing. Left him to cry then go in put him back over and over it’s draining. Doesn’t change him

This is not usual and I say that as a mum of a bad sleeped
Firstly your child will be chronically over tired so even harder to get to sleep
they need to be checked out by a GP or referred because this level of sleeplessness is obviously having a huge impact
has he ever slept or napped

If cosleeping works why not do that?

Sleep train. And be hard and firm about it. You cannot let his poor sleep dictate your life when 3 other kids need you. He will cry his heart out the first few nights but he will soon figure it out. I did it with my second and really regretted not doing it with my first. My 2nd is a MUCH better sleeper at 4yo than my 10yo who only learnt to sleep properly at age 8!

Because she shouldn’t get in a bad habit of lying there for an hour or two when 3 other kids need her.
i co - slept with my eldest and he needed me to fall asleep, and woke up frequently checking for me! Utter hell.

Have you tried gradually moving away from him at bed time? With my DD I led next to her cot for a few nights holding her hand to sooth her, then a few nights next to the cot with no touch, few nights other side of the room, few nights at the door. Initially it was until she fell asleep but when she was settling better I'd leave before she fell asleep.
I know it's very early but it could be a sign of autism. My friends DS never slept, he's recently been diagnosed with autism, he's been prescribed melatonin and it's been life changing for the whole family. I'm not sure it would be prescribed for such a young child but it's worth getting in touch with the health visitor and asking for an early 2 year review, this includes the screening tests that could indicate a referral for assessment.

I would not sleep train or do any of that at all. Go to the GP and see what they say. I would also say you may need a second opinion depending on how seriously you feel the GP has taken the issue. I would emphasise the unusual factors of the situation and that you have other children so are not a stranger to this.

Possibly the children's centre may also be able to offer some support or links to a network?

But are you following the methods strictly. Extending the time you leave for before you go back in gradually?

Check tonsils/airway/mouth breathing and consider if he has sort of allergy that could be causing night time discomfort. Also consider if there’s anything significant in his developmental history that needs support or consideration. I’m not against sleep training at all but if there are any underlying factors impacting sleep these need to be looked at first. Are they very high energy?

Have a look online at The Sleep Charity

Yes he’s very high energy. Extremely.

Keep him up with you and the rest of the family. At your bedtime, Sleep in his room with him on a floor bed. Make sure it’s safe, and let him potter and sleep through as he wishes. He’ll fall into a routine if you are there. I found that I could sleep/doze much better because I didn’t have to go anywhere to see to him, or worry about his safety. He’ll start to regulate according to your routine.

Mine was the same. Now diagnosed autistic. Also didnt realise he had sleep apnoea that woke him constantly.

And you say ‘give in’ but just cosleep until he’s older

It really doesnt work for every child it’s not just that he needs support for sleep. He’s not actually sleeping much at all.

I don't have any advice, just sending you support. You sound like a very thoughtful and loving mum trying so many possible solutions on such little sleep that your own mind will be struggling. 💐

2 of my littles have suffered ENT issues and woke a lot, my youngest was constantly waking and co-sleeping about 1yr old. We already used black out curtains and a white noise machine. I realised he was actually so restless he was kicking off his covers then getting cold and waking. I got sleeping sacks again and he slowly went back to sleeping right through. I think though if your little is constantly sleep deprived a doctors visit is probably the best course of action x

Mine was the same, he was later diagnosed with ASD. Looking back I think it was sleep apnea but at the time i had no idea and the GP and specialist we saw were frankly no help at all.

Oh we coslept and it caused no issues whatsoever later.

Youre not crazy and it’s not your fault

Gina ford sleep method?

You poor thing, it sounds so miserable.

Is there another adult living in the household, who can oversee the children so you have a good sleep regularly?

Dairy allergies causing enlarged adenoids?
Tongue tie or poor tongue suction blocking airway, Myofunctional assessment.

Difficult birth try cranial osteopath, I know a great guy in London.