Annoyed with DH

[Ilikechocolatealot]

I am off work all summer. DH working full time. Today he arrived home and goes to his workshop outside where he often catches up on phone calls. I was cooking dinner when he comes in to kitchen and I ask if he can pick up DS from football in 10 mins as I’m in the middle of doing dinner. He says he can’t as he has just smoked some weed. He offered to take over the cooking so I can go but I just got annoyed. The weed itself wasn’t the issue. He does smoke a bit from time to time as he says it helps with sleep and to calm anxiety. I don’t agree with it but he is a grown adult and can make his own decisions. I didn’t feel like explaining to him what needed doing for dinner (3 separate pots of things) It would just have been easier to finish it myself. I said it was unfair that I was just expected to pick up DS while he could just opt out. He said he didn’t know he’d be needed to do any driving and I hadn’t asked him and that he has been working all day and was only just in the door and needed something to unwind. I did do the pick up and as I ended up waiting in the car for longer than usual I texted him with instructions on dinner. I helped finish it off when I got back. I was still feeling pissed off and was a bit snappy with him.
He says I’m wrong to be annoyed and he did nothing wrong. AIBU?

I mean it sounds like one of those evenings really. I couldn't condone the weed but lits do and you seem to so thats a non issue. How are things usually?

I would be annoyed at the weed smoking.
It has really negative affects on the lungs, the heart and mental health. And can be addictive.
If he has problems with anxiety and sleeping he should be seeking proper medical help not smoking weed.

Ignoring the weed, which is the bit I would be actually be annoyed about...

I think if you've been home all day and he's been working then you should go and pick DS up (or you should have asked him earlier). Unless there is a drip feed coming that you're ill/disabled/heavily pregnant/under house arrest.

Honestly just say to him that he’s responsible for checking if any child who is clearly not in the house, needs a pick up or anything before he incapacitates himself with weed. I think that’s the annoying thing, his assumption that nothing really was his responsibility.

He sounds like a sensible person explaining why he can’t.
yes you are being unreasonable. If you had mentioned it before he ‘relaxed’ it would have been fine.
enjoy not working for a few weeks

You're taking all summer off.

So im.assuming DH isnt taking any time off as primary carer.

So what parenting does DH normally do?
Would it normally cross his mind to think about childcare? Or does he normally come home and go off to do his own thing?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending him or blaming you for his failings, im just trying to work out if this is a slip from a normally dilligent husband or whether he is always like this because that tells you the problem.

YABU.

So he’s made sure he’s not fit to do anything child related because he’s smoked weed? Can’t stand the stuff. Why does he think it’s ok to shelve any responsibility without ensuring the dc are ok?

This ^

10 minutes notice to do something he wasn’t supposed to be doing is just not always going to work through. If you aren’t annoyed about the weed then you can’t be annoyed about the situation really. If you knew he was taking work calls he could as easily just been caught up doing that.
Clearly the plan was for you to do the pick up so YABU

He is not a mind reader. Why not ask him when he got in from work instead of waiting. He made a sensible and responsible decision given he had just smoked some hash.
You are being unreasonable and given you were not working all day should have planned better.

Is op “taking summer off”‘or doesn’t work or get paid over summer??
it’s mn so the SAHM/pt worker is the hard done to, wunderkind..

If you are going to ignore the drugs then it’s really not a big deal. You are annoyed he ‘opted out’ but you also had a complicated dinner going with the assumption he’d do pick up after working all day without prior notice. You both just didn’t communicate very well and assumed the other one would sort it.

If you are fine with your DH smoking drugs before tea and being stoned when the kids are still about I think that’s a bit piss poor of both of you. He could at least wait until family time is out of the way.

If you knew your child needed picking up you shouldn’t have started dinner without checking you DH could get him.
If you haven’t been at work you could have planned things a bit better.

Especially if home all day and ds been out at football camp all day!

He knows for next time, so hopefully he'll be a bit more considerate. I don't think it's great that he's getting stoned before dinner and spending the evening with his son. To me it would feel like being in a relationship with a teenager, can he not wait for a few hours until his son goes to bed before sparking up?

Sorry I just couldn’t be with someone who used drugs when I had kids. How many times has he smoked his weed and made your neighbours despair that they can’t open their windows in this heatwave? You don’t care about that but you care that he can’t pick up the kid because that affects you. You are both disgracefully self centered.

No ones in the wrong, in future maybe sort nights when each other is responsible and have to manage their time/pick ups/dinner planning?

Just to add I don’t condone the weed at all, I hate it, so yes this was part of the reason I was annoyed but I didn’t want all the responses to be about how bad weed is. It’s more that he didn’t think he had any parental responsibility once he came home. Thanks to those who picked up on that and also for other perspectives.

You're off work so of course would be picking up the bulk of the chores.

You could have asked him earlier but didn't. And he offered to carry on with dinner but you didn't want him to.

You can't have it every which way!

I would be annoyed. If he wants tondonthat it needs ti be when kids are in bed and they dont need him

Yeah - he's bang out of order.

Selfish having weed 'to relax' the minute he gets in. It sounds like you have another dependent there to cater for 🙄.

Astounding all the posters saying it's your fault 😅 .

Starting dinner at the time when he needs picking up wasn't sensible when you hadn't made prior arrangements with DH to collect him.
DH smoking weed when there wasn't a plan on place to collect him was rather stupid. What if you'd decided to have a drink and couldn't drive either?
It sounds like you both need to communicate better and be more organised.

I don’t know… sub in alcohol, which is similarly incapacitating for driving… he gets in after a long day, pours a glass of wine, and you (who have been free all day) wait until after he’s drunk it to tell him he needs to go back out. He sensibly says he can’t but offers to take over dinner to make it all work. Not sure this is that bad tbh.

I wouldn't live with someone who takes drugs