AIBU to wonder why my instructor avoids driving home with me?

[Sarnpark]

I'm curious whether other people do this, or whether I'm reading too much into it.

I have a martial arts instructor who lives in the same neighbourhood as me. I always thought we had a good, trusting and respectful instructor/student relationship.

After a recent one-day training session in a fairly remote location, I set off home first. I'm quite a slow driver. As I pulled into the long road home, I noticed him pull out behind me, probably about 60 metres back. He must have seen it was me, but then he pulled into a lay-by and stayed there. About 25 minutes later he overtook me on the motorway, driving at around 80 mph.

I've also noticed that after our regular training sessions he rarely seems to end up driving home at the same time as me. He'll either leave quickly before I do, or wait until I've gone and then set off a little later.
We live in the same neighbourhood, so one possibility is that he simply doesn't want me to know exactly where he lives. Another is that he doesn't want to spend the journey following me or have me think he's tailgating me.

Is this something other people deliberately do? Do you avoid driving home at the same time as friends, colleagues or students for similar reasons, or is there another explanation? I am feeling bad that he may think I want to find out his address or thst he thinks I have a crush on him!

AIBU = nothing untoward
IANBU = he is protecting instructor/student boundaries

You obviously haven’t.

Thinking about this too much! He’s prob making calls or chilling before driving home

Are you stalking him???

From your updates it sounds like he has picked up on the vibes and is aware you have a crush on him.
As he is married it makes perfect sense why he is trying to avoid you outside the class (including the drive home).
He's doing the right thing considering he has a wife at home.

Well it's your driving then!! 🐌

The simplest explanation is that he just feels a bit awkward making the same journey as you at the same time. A bit like when you see someone you know in the supermarket and then basically end up following them around.

You are way overthinking this.

That. I've never really given it much thought, but I don't like following, or being followed by a colleague or friend when leaving a venue in our own cars. I'm not sure why, but I will generally avoid it.

Your massively overthinking this, OP.

I think he’s picked up on the vibe

but

as an instructor I just needed downtime and would sometimes sit in the car a bit before going home 😂

Because we don’t know either way and he is booking 1:1 lessons with her in remote areas. He’s a man - it’s just as likely he’s attracted to her as not.

Women also don’t tend to get crushes on men who haven’t flirted. That’s my experience in life tbh.

Yeah, you're unreasonable to give a married man this much headspace.

I don't understand why you would even think this was anything to do with you. He will be making a call or sending an email. It's absolutely none of your business how or when he gets home, and I honestly don't know why you're even thinking about it.

Well I’d be questioning that as everyone here got it instantly from one post.

I say this kindly so that you can be aware.

He hasn’t given her any indication whatsoever that he is interested in her.

If he had, I feel like she would have mentioned it rather than pinning her colours to ‘he stopped in a lay-by and then drive past me later’.

It’s his job to give lessons.

The lessons are not in ‘remote locations’. They are just in the place the hobby occurs.

It’s not like he’s built a log cabin up a mountain to see her alone. And then fashioned a lay-by nearby because stopping in a lay-by is the best way to show someone that you are attracted to them.

He is in no way interested in me at all. He spelt my first name wrong on a form, he has forgotten details of conversations we have had, and I haven't picked up any signs of interest in the 8 weeks I have known him. He is my 'type'; that is why I am attracted to him rather than anything he has done.

I am still wondering whether to progress my training with him. He is very keen on me to do this. I think he is keen because it would increase his experience of instructing, and would increase his social standing within the club. Sadly nothing to do with me on a personal or romantic level.

Just change to a different instructor, otherwise you’re going to fixate on him.