AIBU to wonder why my instructor avoids driving home with me?

[Sarnpark]

I'm curious whether other people do this, or whether I'm reading too much into it.

I have a martial arts instructor who lives in the same neighbourhood as me. I always thought we had a good, trusting and respectful instructor/student relationship.

After a recent one-day training session in a fairly remote location, I set off home first. I'm quite a slow driver. As I pulled into the long road home, I noticed him pull out behind me, probably about 60 metres back. He must have seen it was me, but then he pulled into a lay-by and stayed there. About 25 minutes later he overtook me on the motorway, driving at around 80 mph.

I've also noticed that after our regular training sessions he rarely seems to end up driving home at the same time as me. He'll either leave quickly before I do, or wait until I've gone and then set off a little later.
We live in the same neighbourhood, so one possibility is that he simply doesn't want me to know exactly where he lives. Another is that he doesn't want to spend the journey following me or have me think he's tailgating me.

Is this something other people deliberately do? Do you avoid driving home at the same time as friends, colleagues or students for similar reasons, or is there another explanation? I am feeling bad that he may think I want to find out his address or thst he thinks I have a crush on him!

AIBU = nothing untoward
IANBU = he is protecting instructor/student boundaries

I like to travel on my own. Not for any particular reason.

He's probably noticed you are both going the same way and is avoiding you suggesting you car share with him.

You are trying to convince yourself here that he has feelings for you. This is a dangerous path. You will drive yourself insane and will read every sign you think you see as meaning he’s in love with you.

Do you even know if he’s single?

If I were you I’d look for an alternative class to join. Then, if you are certain he’s single, you could ask him if he’d like to go for a drink sometime. If he is interested, he won’t have the professional relationship to consider anymore, and if he’s not interested you don’t need to be embarrassed going back to his class.

Do you think he’s encouraging more 1:1s because he fancies you back?

How do you know that he’s well off and doesn’t need more money?

How do you know that he’s so well off that he doesn’t need extra work? Some people might assume Im well off for a variety of reasons, but they don’t know my financial situation or commitments. I’m self employed and I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve turned work away over the years because my income isn’t guaranteed more than a term in advance and my situation could change quickly.

Honestly op, i strongly suggest that you look for a new teacher - this is not good for you to be this obsessed

Maybe he is a diligent coach, loves his job and thinks you would benefit from some extra tuition and it is perfectly normal to arrange one-to-ones? I don't think you should speculate about how wealthy he is and whether that is influencing his offer.

He is probably trying to avoid you on the way home because he knows you have a crush and doesn't want to encourage you, or maybe he doesn't want to be accused of stalking you, or maybe he doesn't want you finding out where he lives exactly.

Ah would ya stop with your infatuation and leave the man alone

He finds it annoying being stuck behind a slow driver so it he doesn’t beat you out the gate he gives you a few mins head start.

He’s respecting your space like the professional he is.

Ignoring you fancying him for a moment… I wouldn’t want my student knowing where I live. Additionally I wouldn’t want to car share. After teaching I would rather just decompress, listen to my own music (which might not be everyone’s taste). I would also hate to car share with someone who describes themselves as a slow driver.

He is not asking you to do one to ones because he fancies you back. It’s because it’s his job to teach you and you probably need more support in some areas. If he does fancy you back, he should suggest other instructors you can attend then he can ask you out.

Of course he's noticed that you have a huge crush on him. Cringe.

At first I thought that his driving had nothing to do with you, but with this additional information I imagine he is intentionally trying to avoid you. The last thing he would want is for you to know where he lives.

I'd say it's this. He doesn't want to get into a regular car share. If he does know about your crush (which he probably does), one to one training would seem safer as it's a service you're paying for.

He enjoys his own space and doesn't want to car share.
You sound a bit stalkerish.

Do you fancy him? Or her?

Otherwise I fail to see why you'd even notice if they were on the same road as you.

In a professional capacity he probably wants to help you progress whether he is aware of your crush or not, because that can be managed (swerved) while he is working. He might want to avoid all students outside of his work environment. Many people like to keep their work life and their private life completely separate. If when you signed up you completed a form with your address on then he knows you live fairly close to him and he may well be trying to guard his privacy.

Erm unfortunately probably not as well as you think you have!

Semi stalking his journey home, not just once but a number of times,and then assuming he is breaking his journey because of his interest (and or indifference ) towards you, is starting to sound as though you are putting a lot of mental energy into a relationship that from his point of view begins at the start of the lesson and finishes at the end of the lesson. If he has noticed your weird stalkery actions then he is probably really embarassed by them.

Concentrate on your driving, not on watching out for his car.

I think you’re overthinking it

OP has only posted three times on this thread. She’s already addressed that question.

He might have noticed you're watching him and is a bit scared so he's being careful that you don't find out his address.
(Only kidding. He probably isn't even thinking about you both driving home at the same time and when he pulled into the lay by he'll have made a phone call or checked that he hadn't forgotten something).

Thanks all.

I don't think he would have pulled over to make a call, as we had only just left the venue. Otherwise he would have just made the call at the venue carpark before setting off.

He is married so there is no future in this. I am wondering what to do, in terms of the crush (more likely 'limerance'), as our hobby locally is very insular, and I will always run into him as long as I live here. I am not going to give my hobby up as it is the only good thing in my life. I may finish off my training and then decide whether to move clubs, which would be a lot of additional travel time and I would lose all my friends.

Your logic on this is odd. Maybe he received a text and pulled in to reply. Maybe he wanted to take off his jumper/put on one/retie a shoe or any of a thousand reasons.

Assuming it’s deliberate behaviour as you state (and there is no evidence of that at all) maybe he sensibly doesn’t want pupils knowing where he lives. Maybe he’s had issues before.

As for the 1:1s - training people is his job! And you have no idea of his financial position.

Leave the man alone.

I totally avoid driving within sight of someone I know because I end up looking at them rather than watching the road. If me and someone else and starting and finishing at the same place but in different cars, I always request one of us has given min head start.

Maybe he thinks you're creepy because you're scrutinising his every move.

You need to swap classes.

If this was a man saying this, it would be worrying and toxic.

He probably doesn't want you knowing where he lives.

Your crush will be blatantly obvious, btw.