Not said ‘step’daughter

[fornobody]

DSD is 17, my dd is 10.

Last weekend dd invited a friend to town for lunch and some shopping. They are a bit young to go alone and so dsd offered to take them. Friend’s mum agreed, they went and seemed to have a great time.

Friend’s mum has now somehow found out that dsd is my step daughter and is annoyed I didn’t tell her, asking why I lied and saying she might have felt differently about agreeing if she’d known. I didn’t intentionally lie, I just didn’t think it was relevant or needed mentioning.

AIBU to have not specified and think it shouldn’t matter?
Would you be more likely to say no in this situation if I’d said she was my stepdaughter?

I’d just reply They are sisters, and they are my daughters. I hope your dd had a good time.

Mental behaviour

My dd took DS and his friend out recently . Mum thanked me for my dd as they had a lovely time. It didn’t even occur to me to mention dd and DS are 1/2 brother/sister.
She is being ridiculous and I would tell her so.

She’s batshit. I have two older half sisters on my dads side and we always refer to each other as sisters. No need to explain the finer details unless it’s relevant.

Completely irrelevant in the context of accompanying younger girls into town.

She’s crazy. DSD is your DD’s older sister. I have no idea what her issue is.

That's horrible, illogical and rude

OP is stepmother to the oldest. The girls are half sisters so the girls are 'blood' related. The oldest may not be biologicallly related to the OP but the children are siblings.

One of my friends has a sister, and a half sister & half brother; she never ever has used the word ‘half’ when referring to them; they have always all been close & the oldest sibling is early 60s now!

did you think before you wrote that?

Kids start babysitting around 15, and care very well for children they are not related to you know.

You weren’t wrong OP. My SS half siblings (whom are at his mother’s house with him when he is there) are his ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ they have never been called anything else at all and never been considered to be ‘half’ of anything, even though for part of the time they are with their dad and he is here… for goodness sakes the woman is being ridiculous.

How bizarre. It's none of anyone else's business who's womb she came out of. You'd think it was an absolute random you'd found at a bus garage?!

Honestly I'd be wary of this woman, she sounds bat shit.

We have a lot of half siblings in my family. My children are half siblings, so are my brother and I. None of us feel it's any different from being full siblings.

I'd be telling the other Mum that she'd angered and upset me by implying that my DSD was somehow 'less' than a biological child woud be. Does she ask whether people are adopted and judge them equally?

She's offensive and I'd call her out on it.

Would be telling friend that she was totally out of order to even question you on this matter your dsd is your dd as far as you’re concerned and you treat and think of her as such .

Its a her problem

I can see her point.

She obviously doesn’t know you well to know that you have a step daughter and so she has no idea how long you’ve know this girl.

Trusting your child with someone you’ve known for 17 years is very different to trusting them with someone you’ve known a few weeks.

This!

Really? A few weeks? You think she didn’t meet her step daughter until up to 10 years AFTER DD was born? Where is the logic in that?

I obviously met dh’s daughter before I decided to marry and have children with him

Half sisters are blood relatives.

Yes obviously but it sounds like this woman has no idea how long you’ve been together.

You obviously don’t know each other that well.

No it doesn’t sound like that, she knows the DD is 10 so it’s very obviously more than 10 years!

Tbh if youd said "her older sister" opposed to "my eldest" I might have been tipped off they were half or step sisters.

Surely this girl has been your DSD since she was at least 6 if Dd is 10. This woman is batshit. Would she be the same if DD sister had been adopted? Because if shed said oh I mightnt have agreed if I knew your kids were adopted yoid have immediately heard how nuts she is

Sounds like youve a lovely DSD whos a great sister. You were not unreasonable

Batshit. Can’t get my head around what the issue could be?

I’m guessing this other mother had a reason for being so ridiculous. Probably has step/half sibling issues in her family triggering her. My son always makes comments about his younger half sibling not being blood when he’s seen his father- because he has a half sibling there he’s not so close to and doesn’t see as a sibling due to the minimal time ex has our son. My ex would probably respond the way this woman you post about has- because it’s a different issue being triggered.

personally if someone is responsible and competent I base my judgment on that. Full siblings can be irresponsible idiots as much as the next person