Not said ‘step’daughter

[fornobody]

DSD is 17, my dd is 10.

Last weekend dd invited a friend to town for lunch and some shopping. They are a bit young to go alone and so dsd offered to take them. Friend’s mum agreed, they went and seemed to have a great time.

Friend’s mum has now somehow found out that dsd is my step daughter and is annoyed I didn’t tell her, asking why I lied and saying she might have felt differently about agreeing if she’d known. I didn’t intentionally lie, I just didn’t think it was relevant or needed mentioning.

AIBU to have not specified and think it shouldn’t matter?
Would you be more likely to say no in this situation if I’d said she was my stepdaughter?

DSD is a very nice sister

Other mum is a complete idiot, possibly nasty piece of work

Yeah your mate is mental. What a thing to make a fuss about. Must be something else going on in her life

I could understand her logic if you'd just married your husband after knowing him for a short time and had only met his daughter very recently, but DSD has been in your life for over a decade, and DD has known her all her life. If your friend "knows" you and respects you well enough to automatically trust someone just because they're your daughter AND she has only now figured out the 17yo is your stepdaughter, then she must know the two of you are close and that YOU trust your stepdaughter. Anyway, you didn't mislead anyone if you said that DDS is DD's sister; she is. If everyone's home safe and sound and happy, why make an issue now?

To be honest, your referring to your DD’s older sister would probably lead me to assume you were the stepmother - otherwise, maybe more natural to say “my older daughter will take them”? But - whatever- I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all, nor have you been dishonest. If the other mother has made incorrect assumptions, that’s on her. She sounds a bit nuts, anyway - why on earth would it matter?

You are very well named if you turn round every time you speak 😂

Well I suppose her rationale has some logic to it, and perhaps she is a very anxious parent, but you were not in the wrong. They are sisters and DSD has the status of "daughter" in your home, so why would you think to point it out in this context. I would just apologize while inwardly rolling my eyes, stress what a lovely time they had nonetheless and not mention it to DD or DSD.

The Mum sounds like She is in an extremely bigoted cult. Her thinking process is not normal.

You did nothing wrong. Stupid woman.

She sounds bonkers. I honestly despair of some people these days
Me and my brother have different Dads (note I said brother and not half-brother 🤣)

I have never introduced him saying “this is my half brother Jack” I would always say “this is my brother Jack”

This, same with my sibs!
The friend sounds mad. Don't know what her problem is.

If there's anything to pick at. It would be that if I was the other mum complaining I would of wanted OP t9 be responsible for two 10 year old girls. Not faffing around over DD or SD. Although that's on the mum for agreeing in the 1st place.

Shouldn't make a damn bit of difference, and you should tell the friend's mother tartly that you're sorry she doesn't understand that your not mentioning it is an illustration of the excellence of your family relations.

Wrong end of the stick 🤣🤣

Nah, you and the friends mum are just snobby and judgemental. Own it.

At 17 I would happily abandoned my (full) sister wherever we were and gone home if she'd pissed me off or whatever while we were out together. I'd have made sure the friend got home ok though 😆

Yeah, same here, and would also have made sure the friend was ok! No step or half siblings for us. Sounds like friends mother is projecting.

Just admit she is right, you were wrong, and in future you will endeavour to keep DSD at home where she belongs, dressed in rags and cleaning the fireplaces.

If her stepmum trusts her enough to watch her sister then that would/should be enough. As trusting a sister or step would be wholly based on the fact that a trusted adult trusts her.

DDs friends mum doesn’t know her from Adam. It’s all based on OPs recommendation.

The second you said "DD's older sister X" rather than "my daughter X" or "my elder daughter" it would be very obvious to most people that she was your step-daughter.

So would I on behalf of your lovely step daughter. She sounds like a great role model for her younger half sister.

You have done nothing wrong here @fornobody

I never explain that dd's brother and sister are my step kids in that situation, they are 23 and nearly 22 now, but I have always just referred to them as her ds and db when dealing with other parents.

Friends mum is being very weird about it. She dd's sister, we dont dabble in halves in this household.

I split with their dad 9 years ago, moved out 8 years ago but they were are and always will be my kids, step or otherwise is irrelevant

It would have been reasonable for her to say no to a 17yo she didn’t know taking care of her child…or reasonable to say if you were fine then she was fine…but to specify based on the relationship FFS

I came on expecting you to have said “my daughter” when referring to your DSD and I STILL would have said that was fine but you actually spoke entirely accurately and now she’s complaining about an assumption she made?? About something batshit?

Tell her to JOG ON.

It’s weird that she cares and it’s even weirder that she accused you of lying because you hadn’t explicitly told her. Obviously you didn’t lie and she’s nuts.

So shes not a step sister at all, then. Step siblings do not share the same parent at all and are not biologically related. Eg mums new husband's child from a previous relationship. You own Dad's child is a relative. Either way the woman is a twat.

This woman is bonkers and I wouldn't have my dd or dsd bringing her dd out again.

I remember being 9 years old and my older teenage cousin bringing me out for the day to go shopping. I nearly exploded with excitement, I still remember feeling ten feet tall coming home with a Kylie poster and bumbag, the height of fashion in rural Ireland in 1989.

What a mean spirited woman she is taking the shine off the girls day.