My parents have never told me about major skeleton in family closet. I have been an adult for 27 years FFS! And now I find out ...

[eekamoose]

... just so shocked that they never told me about this. Recently been put in a hugely embarrassing situation because of their determination to keep things under the carpet. Am a bit stunned tbh.

I think they should have told me, AIBU?

I have a rather tragic skeleton in my family closet - my mother's father had an affair when she was very little, with his secretary, by all accounts a rather stunning flowing chestnut hair kind of beauty.
He lived in a little Derbyshire village at the time and this young girl lived over the green, the poor girl became pregnant and was 'paid off' to have a back street abortion by my father. As a result she died. God only knows what the poor girl suffered in her last days - heartbreak, fear of the pregnancy being discovered, the shame of visiting some back-street hack
If I had ever met him in my adulthood, I don't know if I could ever forgive him.
His wife (my grandmother) left him for about three years, he moved to B'ham and built up his fortune and reputation in a place where he was unknown.

That's so sad Wabbit. Family skeletons often reflect how drastically society has changed over 50 years or so - things wouldn't be handled in the same way now. I hope.

I found out a coupld of years back that the man I thought was my mums cousin was actually her bother. My Grans brother and his wife adopted him. My Gran spilled the beans not long before she died. She was worried that he and my aunt were too 'close' (they weren't) so she had to say. I often wonder if it would have out in the open otherwise.

It was wartime. These things happened. Sometimes its really sad sometimes its a bit oh alright then ish. Mine was one of those.

MisConDuct - even when I was born I think the concept of raising a child as your own wasn't considered extraordinary... my mother already had 4 children under the age of 5 when I was born. My Aunt desperately wanted to adopt me, strangely enough - so did my mum's consultant and his wife

I think we all forget how much life has changed in the UK in the last 40-50 years. As late and the 80s, being a "bastard" (my father's words to describe his own status) was a seriously big deal. My parents got married when my mother was 3 months pregnant. My father always lies about my due date as it is only seven months after their wedding. He claims I was several weeks premature, whereas I was in fact a couple of weeks overdue. He was just so desperate to break the cycle of illegimitacy -he was, his mother born 1904 was, his grandmother born 1878 was too, and who knows how many generations back. Also many on the other side of his family; the secret second unmarried family features quite prominently in my family tree. I think its interesting, he thinks it shameful; he grew up being kicked around the houses for being a bastard, I grew up in the 70s and 80s. He is a pretty liberal minded chap on many things, but definitely not on this. I think we forget how lucky we are in many respects not to have our lives ruined by secrets.

I could never work out why my next-to-youngest aunt was mum to the oldest cousin in the family, until my dad told me about her getting knocked up at 16 and my grandad having a fist fight on the doorstep with the boyfriend

Less amusingly, when my mum committed suicide my dad decided not to tell me that's how she died, although everyone else knew. He told me two weeks later, despite me repeatedly pointing out that it made me feel even more shit and also left me imagining all sorts for two weeks. Similarly, I couldn't understand why everyone was slating her ex-girlfriend and robustly defended her to everyone, until I was eventually informed that actually she had been harrassing my mum and aggravating her depression in the weeks prior to her death. Again, I was the only person not to know this. Can you tell I still think my family made some wrong decisions here?

My grandad is a nasty bastard so I've no doubt that all sorts of skeletons will spill out of his closet once he's dead...

OK- i'll spill on my family skeletons....

My mum slept with the best man from my parents marriage, and was unsure of wether my sister was my dads or his, dad found out and punched a hole in the bedroom wall which he's STILL not filled in (nearly 18 years later) so at birth my sister was given a DNA test to prove she was my dads, and he stayed with her only because my sis was his!!

Before mum and dad got together dad was sleeping with a prostitute, he fell in love with her and she told him it was just her job... he drove through a cottage in the countryside to try and kill himself, but failed and then met my mum 4 weeks later!!

Mum and her sisters wsere abused by her brother, who is now gay and dying of cancer, My nan didn't believe them when they told her and sent them to a 'naughty home' for a while to punish them for telling lies!!

My mums ex tried to kidnap me when i was a baby because he was jealous that my mum left him for my dad!!

My grandad was a drunk who was in the navy and left my nan while pg with my mum. He came back to see my mum when she was 16 (just after she had me) and she refused to let him see her/me... so i never met him and he died 8 years ago leaving all his money/assets to mum...

erm.... thats all the family skeletons i can think of.... do i win today? do i? do i???

< wonders whether to tell the people about the older "half-sister" whose first name is also my middle name >

I've got one of those, too, duchesse. Just to complicate matters further, she died in a house fire just short of her second birthday and my mother has never told us about her, even though apparently all my cousins know. I found out because my aunt spilled the beans accidentally.

And YANBU, eekamoose.

I don't think my brothers know my mum had an abortion when she was 16.

I don't think they are aware either that the reason my dad had a massive falling out with his family was because his oldest sister accused him of conspiring with my uncle's closest friend to murder my uncle - my uncle died of the bends after a deep sea fishing trip with my dad and uncle's friend. It was an accident - my uncle's line got caught and he came up too fast . Oh and my dad's youngest sister was caught in bed with his middle sister's husband... by my mum and dad, grandparents and middle sister. And they were supposed to be looking after me, my brothers and cousins!

oh i also have 2 cousins who i know are sleeping with each other, she's married with kids, he's in a serious relationship... but they were always close as kids.... i think i'm the only one that knows!! oh he also was sleepign around while his mrs was pg with his baby, and it was with someone me and DH knew as she worked with DH at the time, and is now with one of his best friends!!

Turns out everyone in my family knew about a relative who is an alcoholic - except me. Saw him recently after a long gap and it seemed very obvious. Mentioned it to my mum, who said, "Oh yes. Has been for years. Didn't you know?" Well, OK, technically none of my business, but am wondering how I missed when no one else did.

Blimey, what very interesting lives all our relatives have led!

My great-aunt tried to tell me a family secret before she died but I couldn't really understand what she was saying - she had too little breath to get it out and was a bit confused by an infection, poor woman (she died the next day - RIP Auntie Hilda). But it seemed to take a weight of her mind. Something about a baby no-one knew about and she wanted us to tell her little brother. But the poor man had already been dead for ten years.

Odd thing is, we think we know the 'baby' she was talking about, now a middle-aged lady who is in contact with her aunts and uncles. So why Hilda thought it was still a secret I don't know. Not entirely clear on the details as she was an in-law so I don't know her own family that well.

Well my brother (who only speaks to me to slag me off or tell me he thinks I'm a bitch ), on the last occasion I had the "pleasure" of speaking to him (3 yrs ago), told me that I might want to review my opinion of my Mum because he knows some things about her that he was shocked to find out...
But he's not telling what. WTF??
SO for now I shan't bother "reviewing my opinion of her" (would be interested to find out what he thinks that is), as the only "scandal" I have found out about her to date is that she smoked dope in her 20s . It was the 60s. Who didn't? Just because ever since we can remember she's been the straightest-laced person I know doesn't mean to say she wasn't young once I suppose.
You can wake up now.

I took Duchesse's thread to mean an older "half-sister" who could be of an age to have been more involved in her existence?

Or did I read that completely wrong?

Skeletons in my family...me and my siblings are all adopted. I've read my brother's adoption file and he was taken away for adoption because of abuse/neglect at the hands of his natural parents

He doesn't know anything about it and has never asked according to my Mum - she dreads the day he does.

Alas, Manhattanmama- a lot more mundane than that... My father was asked to be a "sperm donor" for an infertile couple about two years before I was born (but after he and my mother got together). The result was this girl who is my half-sister in genes only, and whose existence my mother learned of only after they'd registered me (and my father insisted on her first name as my middle name. gee, thanks for nothing, pop)

eekamoose - are you going to welcome her in to your family?

The only blood relatives I have are my 3 children so I would be pleased to have a skeleton relation appear.

Glaskham and Duchesse, you two are the winners.. {Here is a viscount biscount wrapped in silver green paper}

Wow! I won? I never win anything!

I have loads more, you know... I think my family may be a shade more exotic than the average.

ps: what is a viscount biscount??

i was gonna ask what a viscount biscount was too!! and wuhoo- i won too- i never win anythign too.... glad my so shameful family has helped me somehow!!!

Oh I can do well at this. Dead Uncle came to life two years ago, not dead but put into care (hideous institution in Dublin) by grandmother who was left in 50's Ireland widowed with two kids. She had run away from catholic family to marry protestant husband, both families disowned them.
Father was result of his 15 year old mother being raped by her uncle, spent most of his childhood in childrens homes f**ked up person that he is.
Husbands Uncle divorced wife to hook up with stripper half his age, they are now married but she has sadly gone totally off the rails.
Thats for starters...

A viscuit biscount? Obviously TWO viscount BISCUITS to the observant among you.

Goingslowlyroundthebend. That's another sad story. There is a woman my Mum's age, whom my Mum has known for years and I've always thought my Mum is very kind to her. I'm a big bitch and I said Mum, how the fcuk do you put up with that boring platefaced woman?? My Mum made me feel so mean when she told me that the woman's father was also her grandfather. Same story. Her mother raped by her own father. She had also grown up in a home in a futile attempt to keep some family chin up. (Even though everybody knew). I felt so mean when I was told.