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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My parents have never told me about major skeleton in family closet. I have been an adult for 27 years FFS! And now I find out ...

155 replies

eekamoose · 25/06/2008 21:32

... just so shocked that they never told me about this. Recently been put in a hugely embarrassing situation because of their determination to keep things under the carpet. Am a bit stunned tbh.

I think they should have told me, AIBU?

OP posts:
Divastrop · 25/06/2008 21:53

yes,everybody tell skeleton stories while we wait for the real one

when my auntie did a family tree thingy we found out my grandads grandparents were 1st cousins

TooMuchTurkeyMakesMeSleepy · 25/06/2008 21:53

It must be good, she's been typing for ages....I can't take this anticipation!

BlueBumedFly · 25/06/2008 21:53

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! what is it????

OK? Not there? Right, Ivykaty44, over to you!!

Desiderata · 25/06/2008 21:54

Oh, bloody hell, eek.

This is a crap thread unless you spill. For fucks sake, don't bore us.

gigglewitch · 25/06/2008 21:54

k. just for entertainment
my parents both lie about their ages [they are in their seventies but were err, a bit younger than they claim when they had my brother]
my mother got sent to 'naughty girls' school at the other side of the country so nobody knew she was pg, that was after they had x-rayed her at 6 months pg to check...
there are no wedding pics
they lie about their wedding date [no surprise there] and reckon they were married two years before my bro was born not two months
These things were all obv important and huuge 55 yrs ago - but my bro has never worked out why he sas born so far away from where all the family live and so many things have screwed him up. he deserves to know. but it aint my place.

greenelizabeth · 25/06/2008 21:54

Again, cant' judge really. But a girl I know, her child's father commited suicide when her child was a baby. She is not going to reveal that tidbit. She's just going to say that he died.

Would it be on that scale of a secret?! Was it done to protect you, whcih I would think was a good reason to keep a secret. Or, was the secret kept to protect them, at your expense?

It 's hard to understand, knowing nothing!

TooMuchTurkeyMakesMeSleepy · 25/06/2008 21:54
wannaBe · 25/06/2008 21:54

oh christ there are loads in our's. how long have you got.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 25/06/2008 21:55

OMG don't tell me..... they voted Tory...

funnypeculiar · 25/06/2008 21:55

Come on giggle & ivy, amuse us let us share your pain whilst we wait

eekamoose · 25/06/2008 21:55

Ok.

Dad was one of five children. Just after I was born his father died and was buried in Wiltshire (where he came from) even though everyone else in the family lived elsewhere. Ever since his death, most of the extended family have met once a year in this small rural town for a picnic and a visit to the grave. It has been an annual event for all of my life.

This year I turn up at the family picnic and an older lady comes up to me and says "hello Jxxxx, I'm Vxxxx your cousin". I just looked at her like a loon, all my other cousins were there, my dad, brother etc. I had no idea who she was.

Turns out Dad's older brother had three children with someone I've never heard about who were basically so neglected they were taken into care and either fostered or adopted.

She is 15 years older than me so this all happened long before I was born. My memories of Uncle Rxxx were of him being childless (and living with a nice lady I knew as aunty Gxxxx). He is dead now.

Another cousin in my family, into geneology, traced this lady and invited her to our family picnic. She told me about her childhood, her memories of my Grandad (who, it turns out, often left my Grandma for periods while he "went off on one of his little excursions"). While Uncle R was fathering these children, my Grandma who had a wayward husband and four other children to cope with, tried to find time/money to care for these unwanted little souls but in the end could not cope and so they ended up being taken away.

I knew none of this until my cousin introduced herself to me at family picnic two weeks ago.

My Dad knew she would be there (she went last year, apparently, when I wasn't able to attend) but never thought to explain the whole story to me?

Am very cross with him.

OP posts:
Hassled · 25/06/2008 21:55

I'm all agog here.

susiecutiebananas · 25/06/2008 21:55

Can I just say? I think that the OP is typing the whole story out for us right now, as I type.... she has posted it is along story and do we have a minute to read it... so I reckon she is posting it right now!!!

ivykaty44 · 25/06/2008 21:55

well found that back in 1828 ole abraham had not been getting his "hows your fathers" so he went looking for Spanish flys (to get her in the mood suppose) any how he couldn't get any so he got poison instead and popped it in the clotted cream and she died three days later - she screamed at the next door niehbour that he had killed her and she was taken away when dead and cut open..

He swung for it and that was the end of him......

My great aunt knew there had been a murder but thought it was buried deep that no one would know..

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 25/06/2008 21:56

They fed you FruitShoot prototypes....??

JeremyVile · 25/06/2008 21:56
OneLieIn · 25/06/2008 21:56

I have a secret brother I found out about 5 years ago. Amazing how they kept is so secret. For so long.

Now I know why dad used to drag me up like a boy!

soph28 · 25/06/2008 21:57

oh just read through and was sure she would've revealed all by now! It must be some long story. Do you think I have time to go for a pee and come back before she's finished?

sophiewd · 25/06/2008 21:58

My mother told me I have a half brother, Dad had a fling with secretary in between marriages, everyone knows locally parents forgot to tell us.

soph28 · 25/06/2008 21:58

Wow- didn't even have time to post and she's already posted and there are a million more posts. I must be a V slow typer.

TooMuchTurkeyMakesMeSleepy · 25/06/2008 21:58

eekamoose -do you think your Dad finds it difficult to talk about - is he ashamed maybe?

Hassled · 25/06/2008 21:59

OK - no longer agog and I quite understand why you're upset not to have been told. But dig far enough back and you'll find similar stories in most people's families. My understanding is that you're not upset by the facts, just the keeping you in the dark bit - is that right?

Mung · 25/06/2008 21:59

They could have told you. I understand your anger. What are their reasons for not letting on? Surely you dont just forget something like that...

gigglewitch · 25/06/2008 21:59

you can go for your wee wee now soph

TheDullWitch · 25/06/2008 21:59

Your dad was probably embarrassed. Begs question why he didn't try to help these children. Was she nice, your new cousin?

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