AIBU that my girlfriend didn't help enough sorting house for sale

[cellary]

I'm a guy. Own my own home, live here with my girlfriend and our 2 girls. She also owns a home and we're selling both to buy together.

Her home is already under offer. It's unfurnished so there was no prep before photos, just some vacuuming which her aunt did.

My home where we live is having photos taken tomorrow. We had someone round to deep clean, but there was lots else to do , tidying and decluttering. I feel really let down by her lack of urgency getting the house ready. I'm meant to be working today but I spent so much time clearing most of the clutter up, doing the garden, etc. I've already taken time off work to get plenty done. She did a bit of tidying, cleaned some windows (not all), and didn't even clear all her clutter, there was still items on her bedside table that I had to clear. While the baby was napping she was sat on the sofa for about an hour while I was tidying.

I feel like she's putting no effort in and I'm questioning whether she even wants to buy with me

Don't move in with her unless you want to live amongst mess and clutter

How old are the children? Possibly she was just tired in the heat and enjoying the rest from the baby?

Already live together

Eldest is 4, baby coming up 1. Sure she probably wanted to rest but there are other opportunities, not when we're trying to get the house ready

Just a bit more info : how old is baby? Is your girlfriend usually busy with childcare? It's not ideal but she may be burnt out from domestic chores, or exhausted, and dropped the ball with helping clear for photos.

That doesn't mean she doesn't have to help or shouldn't pull her finger out, but her issue could just be this rather than her not wanting to buy with you or caring. Babies are hard, I hear.

Baby coming up 1 and in nursery part time. Eldest in nursery 5 days. She works part time and has the baby the rest of the time. When she has baby she gets more of a break than I do because baby still naps twice.

She works part time and has the baby the rest of the time.

I think you're being unreasonable.

It's your home and the buck stops with you. It sounds like you've left a lot until the last minute.

She has a baby under 1 and she works part time. She has an older child to deal with after nursery. Why aren't you helping with the baby?

You think the baby's nap time is her time to jump up and do chores. She's likely exhausted.

I have been working hard to get the house ready in all my spare time, weekends and often evenings. It's for both of us so we can get a place together. I do play with the baby evening and weekends, or else I'm doing DIY. I don't have a break either except a couple hours in the evening before bed and sometimes I'm still working even then.

I don't think it's unreasonable for her to have cleared up some of her stuff, the house sale will benefit both of them and sometimes whether you're tired or not, you just have to crack on .

How long was her house unfurnished for? Was she living there or did she have tenants? Did you help clearing then?
Is she working now? Is she doing majority of childcare and taking eldest to and from nursery/school?
Maybe she could be helping more, but if you're quibbling over her sitting down for an hour when the youngest was asleep, then maybe we're not getting a full picture of how things are with your domestic set up.

Did the deep clean not include the windows

Big baskets.

Sweep everything on all tops like nightstand, chest, into a basket. Floor stuff, basket.

Baby stuff gets its own basket.

She sounds lazy to me.
You need to talk to her about this.

Who gets up in the night with the children?

A rest when the baby naps isnt a rest. Its waiting to be summoned. A bit like being in a waiting room isnt relaxing down time.

Have you asked her if she'd like a break from the baby? Or even just taken the kids out all day on a semi regular basis in the past to give her a few days to herself to actually rest beyond a bit of mindless scrolling while the baby sleeps?

You say its important to get stuff done now because of the house and I agree. But there is always something, even if you don't recognise that for her, like preparing for and recovering from birth, finding and attending baby classes, weighings, buying clothes in the next size up for the kids, looking at schools. What were you doing then outside of your working hours? Did you take paternity leave? How much? How did you spend it?

It's possible she may just be knackered from having kids and she might like it if you went part time when her maternity leave finishes? Not being passive aggressive BTW.

It’s not good when one half of a couple feels unappreciated and resentful. What did she say when you reminded her you needed to crack on with the house prep?
I’m more on your side because yes, sometimes tired or not you have to just get on with jobs that are urgent.
Might be wrong though. It’s all in the detail.

What does she do while you're relaxing in the evening or working?

This isn’t the best place to post tbh. You’re going to get a lot of flack simply from mentioning you’re a man.

She did have tenants but it was managed by her aunt, her aunt did it all. She had no furniture there. She works part time, we take it in turn for nursery runs. Yes she does most childcare but I work more and do more DIY.

She sat down for one hour? A whole hour? Does she do the night care for the children?
Anyway, yes, it was important to do the house ready for the photos, this should perhaps have started a few days ago by both of you, stuff hidden under beds, in baskets/boxes and the garden already tidy and mowed! Then possibly you'd not have felt so stressed out and put upon. Hope you've told her how you feel.

No

They rarely wake up in the night any more.

If the photos are being taken tomorrow then of course you should both be tidying up like mad to get it ready.

Playing devils advocate - was she planning to just do it all this evening once baby is down for the night?

Why is it taking multiple days to get your house ready for some photos? Just hide all the mess or get some baskets as a pp said and move them round as the photographer moves so they’re not in shot. Putting stuff in the car is also an idea. I think you’re overestimating how much you need to do - as long as the house looks uncluttered and neutral then it’s fine. There was probably no need for a full deep clean either, just a wipe around would’ve done it! The photos won’t be close up!

Oh, I did my own photos. Then can move the clutter from room to room as you photograph each one. EA don't have to be the only David Bailey in the house! Takes the stress out.