AIBU that my girlfriend didn't help enough sorting house for sale

[cellary]

I'm a guy. Own my own home, live here with my girlfriend and our 2 girls. She also owns a home and we're selling both to buy together.

Her home is already under offer. It's unfurnished so there was no prep before photos, just some vacuuming which her aunt did.

My home where we live is having photos taken tomorrow. We had someone round to deep clean, but there was lots else to do , tidying and decluttering. I feel really let down by her lack of urgency getting the house ready. I'm meant to be working today but I spent so much time clearing most of the clutter up, doing the garden, etc. I've already taken time off work to get plenty done. She did a bit of tidying, cleaned some windows (not all), and didn't even clear all her clutter, there was still items on her bedside table that I had to clear. While the baby was napping she was sat on the sofa for about an hour while I was tidying.

I feel like she's putting no effort in and I'm questioning whether she even wants to buy with me

Or maybe she does literally every thing else and thought I can leave him with just one simple discreet task to get on with himself?

Honestly the likelihood is no one is being super unreasonable here. When you have little kids and you work it’s a bit of a grind a lot of the time. It’s very easy to get into she should have done this, he should have done that and who is more tired/stretched.
We sold our house when kids were a similar age and we both had times over that period where we were super productive and got through loads and times we were shattered and less effective. Unless one of you is consistently leaving a lot to the other then I think you need to have a bit of give and take. Even once you do this initial sort you will have to do it again for viewings & the move repeatedly. Solutions that allow you to quickly and easily hide any clutter will be a big help

It is impossible to judge as you mention everything you did yesterday with a baby at home but do not seem to acknowledge that someone had to look after your baby whilst you did that (other than for a 1 hour nap). That to me suggests you don't do much parenting so do not see the work involved in being a parent. I'd put money on household chores becoming more balanced if you put more effort into being a Dad and partner.

Or maybe you’re jumping to assumptions due to bias against men, have you considered that?

Just to say before my children I worked in a very demanding senior leadership role 60+ hours per week, huge expectations and often impossible targets and deadlines to meet, and comparing that to being at home with two children feels like a walk in the park 😅 at least I could drink a coffee at my desk, eat, book annual leave and take sick days! My 2 year old is in nursery 3 days a week and my 1 year old at home with me until I finish mat leave, and I can tell you that her nap time is NOT a break! It’s a chance for me to get dinner prepped, tidy the house, finish the laundry, vacuum, organise appointments… often without having time to finish before she wakes up again!

That’s my take on why she wasn’t raring to get up and organise the clutter, however having said that I think a simple chat could’ve fixed it and saying “do you mind sorting out x, y, z ready for the photos and I’ll pick up x, y, z later this evening when the children are asleep”

When they wake up 'rarely', who deals with them?

What state was your house in if it’s taken this much time and effort to get it saleable? Sounds like you’ve made a mountain out of a mole hill to be honest.

All hands on deck in preparation of a house move is normal.

I couldn't just sit on the sofa while my boyfriend was packing and decluttering around me, no.

She shouldn't have to be asked to assist but clearly you will have to nicely ask her to help out if she does so again.

I'm sorry, sounds frustrating for you.

If you're going to play tit for tat in the sense that everyone is doing a task at the same time or nobody is, then arguable he could have got up in the night and done some packing and decluttering while the mother of his children settled the kids.

She's done hours of extra work there.

He said that they rarely get up in the night now.

Bore off defending because it's woman.

It’s “his” home?!

Can you read? It’s ALL their home.

It’s your house. Your responsibility

That they both live in. So why is it just his responsibility

But they both live in it!!!!

Yes but the op has implied that his house needed a lot of attention and effort to get it presentable to put on the market. Doesn’t sound like he’s talking about tidying the garden and putting stuff away with a few trips to the recycling centre. That’s normal things that most people have to do. It sounds more like painting walls, replacing fence panels, repairing damaged areas in the home etc. in which case that is a lack of maintenance problem not a lazy partner who sat down with the kids on an evening problem.

Is your gf usually disorganised and messy? It sounds as if you’re doing your share of getting things sorted.
Although looking after two small children is a lot of work and exhausting, it’s sometimes necessary to put tiredness aside and buckle down to get things done when it’s time sensitive.
I would be annoyed if I was doing most of the donkey work that was for both our benefits.

If your house was that messy & untidy it required a professional clean and the work of both of you to declutter and tidy, you should've booked more time off work to do it or started it all earlier in the weeks leading up to it. Edited to say and by book time off, i mean both of you.

He also Cleverly dressed up thst he has never done the nights. "Bore off" yourself for trying to fight me for having an opinion.

I’d pay out for some of these things tbh! However, it is ok the interests of both parties to get the house in order / sellable condition if the plan is to buy a place together.

it would make sense if it requires more maintenance if they’ve all been living in that house and it’s been the primary property 😊

To be frank, it’s not an ideal time to sell a house with two very young children and one being 1 / just under 1? (Sorry can’t recall). I’d probs wait a few more months or at least until both children are in nursery for a longer duration of time so that more time and attention can be given to selling the house.

it’s difficult to establish what tasks are urgent and would impact its ability to sell and to what extent some of it is just very cosmetic