AIBU to let my children use all inclusive on a group holiday?

[AIvSC]

Against my better judgement I agreed to a group holiday. Mixture of family and friends all know each other well. All have children ranging from baby-16

My BIL organised it but we all booked separately.

He sent a link to an all inclusive resort and that's what I and half of the group booked.

BIL and the half booked the same hotel but self catering.

It was £600 more for AI- which as we are here for 8 days works out as less than £20 per person per day (four of us)

First night was fine as we all went out for dinner but today has been hell.

We have had a pool day and my kids have been able to get snacks/drinks/etc as they like but to purchase it all is quite expensive.

We've just come back from dinner- which was 'free' for us but not for them and were told it wasn't fair if our kids used the AI.

I asked why they didn't book the AI and they said they didn't like AI- but they were at dinner having the same food as us.

I don't want to be say to our kids that they can't use the AI but equally don't want to fall out. I enquired how much it would cost to upgrade to AI and it was 2200€ per family.

That does seem a rip off - anywhere i’ve been when we’ve changed our mind the upgrade has been the same at the point of arrival/check in as it would have been online. From £600 up to €2200 is horrendous, but I’d query that with the travel agent as they may have been able to get a better deal if they called them.

That said, if it was part of a deal at the time of booking, BiL was still being tight - as a simple back of the envelope calculation would have shown them that £75 quid a day for a family of 4 was a bargain.

Out of interest, is he also asking the same of the other friends that booked AI? 🤔

Obviously your kids can get whatever they want whenever they want. You’ve paid for it. And if it’s lots of frozen water that they’re getting, then that’s a good thing! I’d not be denying my kids all inclusive bloody water because someone else chose not to go AI when they went to an AI resort. They wanted to pay separately so they can pay separately.

This is an interpersonal issue for the OP. She probably doesn't want to do anticapitalist activism on holiday and risk getting chucked off the resort or having her children's AI bands taken off them. You can be sceptical about the profiteering of corporations and also not want to ruin the holiday that you paid for because your BiL took the cheaper option. Not her problem to deal with; he needs to decide what to do now that not having AI is affecting his enjoyment. None of this is OP's issue, and she doesn't need to engage with it. I would be very clear about that if I were her.

As kids, we often holidayed with my aunt and uncle, who were wealthier than my parents, and they did not limit their children to what we could afford. They always had the nicer accommodation, more treats, money for the arcades or whatever, plus we were not allowed sweets and fizzy drinks and they could have unlimited amounts. I noticed but it honestly didn't bother me; I just accepted 'they have more money, and so have nicer things.' I have only happy memories of those holidays. So I feel this is BiL's ego, more than anything to do with his kids. If you take children to an AI resort and you pay SC, you already know you are going to have to say 'no' a lot, and that your kids will see other kids having unlimited amount of things you will only be able to afford a limited amount of. I have had this experience myself. My DD made friends with kids on an AI resort where we were SC, and I just explained, 'no, we are on a different package; you can't have what they are having; you can have one ice cream or the snacks from my bag.'

Fucknugget might be my favourite new word.

For clarity, that was merely an observation on my part. I do not allow or not allow. I am more interested - in general, in how people communicate with other people in anonymous (or semi-anonymous) forums.

This sounds like a very awkward situation. It's difficult when friends have different ideas about budgets and holiday styles.

YANBU and your BIL is bonkers.

Does he not understand that your kids aren’t getting snacks for free or because they are favoured over his in some way, you’ve just already paid for them in advance? Why on earth would you not utilise it, does he think you donated £600 to the hotel from the goodness of your heart?

AI is great when you’ve got kids as you know in advance exactly what it’ll cost and it saves you having to get up with your card every time one of the kids wants a slushie because they can just get it themselves.

Theres perks to self catering too, such as popping to the local shop to get snacks which can work out cheaper in the long run… which he’s perfectly free to go and do!

As I read it you aren't the only ones in the group who booked AI? Has he asked the same of the other people who have AI bookings?

He needs to get himself to the local supermarket and stock up on drinks and snacks.

Your BIL is being totally U.

His kids might be disappointed, but he needs to explain to them that he couldn't afford to go AI, and that it was a choice of going on holiday self catering or not at all.

He cannot demand that you don't let your kids do something that you have paid for.

It's not fair to involve the children in this way. This is all on the BIL

I short circuit too when I'm mindblown by the combination of someone's audacity and lack of logic. Double whammy!

I hope by now you've told the silly eejit his false economy is his own fault so just shurrup, suck it up and go to the supermarket to stock up on cheap supplies for his DC.

Reminds me of a friend I had when my kids were small ... she had a child the same age and the mum was obsessed with this kids weight. She would ask me not to buy mine any dessert in restaurants or an ice cream on a day out.

Oh and she got really cross on a camping trip once when we stopped somewhere for lunch and I ordered a side of chips for my two to share with their sandwiches ... madness.

I can’t believe you’re even asking.
‘I paid for all inclusive, so of course we’re all going to be using it. Please don’t make this into some ‘unfair’ issue, when it absolutely isn’t.’

I honestly don’t know why you didn’t just laugh in his face? It’s such a grossly unreasonable request that it’s laughable. Were it not serious and therefore just bemusing.

I honestly feel like the world has gone a little mad. pretty sure even 20 years ago no one would dare be so bloody presumptuous. ‘You’ve paid for something, but my kids now want it too but I don’t want to pay. Instead could you just stop yours from using what you paid for?’

utter, absolute entitled bullshit.

This!

Completely agree with the person saying that your response should be 'you are both paying the same but you just paid for your food/drink up front'.

I'd not engage, just smile vaguely, it all seems a bit late to explain the difference between 'all' and 'self'. If you're from England, change the subject to 'at least we're not paying the school holiday premium'.

You paid for AI, your family gets AI. If someone else doesn’t like it that is their problem.
You could turn this around and ask why you should not get your money’s worth?

I don't want to be say to our kids that they can't use the AI but equally don't want to fall out

I can't believe you even have to ask this.
You paid for AI so your kids can use it to get as many drinks as they want and for you all to have whichever meals you want in the hotel.
They didn't want to fork out the extra money and these are the consequences of this. They should have thought about this before.
It's entirely their problem.

They can easily buy the stuff. Let the kids use the AI 🤷‍♀️

I hope things have relaxed today.

I would:
Say to BIL “I can see the problem if your kids are clamouring. Maybe stock up your fridge from the supermarket ?”
Limit the number of slushies the kids have as it often causes diarrhoea from the ingredients
Keep up the bottled water
Expect the novelty of ‘have as much as you like’ to wear off soon so fewer occasions when your kids are having a 3rd ice cream in front of their cousins

Hotels often let people upgrade while there to AI, so why don't they? If it's a money issue, they can't expect others not to use what you've paid for already.

So steal?

Ok. You’re one of ‘those’ people. Got it.