My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

So she wasn’t looking but she definitely knows that she’s binned it?! That’s odd! 🤨

I’m not hoarding.

Like so many of these posts, it's lacking in information, which makes a good answer difficult.
The most glaring omission is: Did she throw it away deliberately, and, if so, WHY?
If I were you, I wouldn't start a fight about it, but I might casually say, "How about replacing it all?" More importantly, if she did it on purpose, you need a more serious discussion about property and boundaries and such.

I think it's absolutely appalling of your mother that, in her opinion, because she threw it away by accident, she doesn't need to replace it!
First of all, I agree with the posters saying that since she remembers throwing it away, it wasn't by accident, was it? It was clearly deliberate.
Secondly, even if it was really accidental, why on earth wouldn't she want to replace it? Insist even. I can't imagine treating anyone like that, let alone my daughter, who I love.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread (and BTW I’m on your side), but all English councils must offer weekly food waste collection - it’s been law since Match this year.

Hopefully. Rootling through bins is something I have had to do several times and it isn't that bad, unless someone has put uneaten fish in there, unwrapped.

Anything that's been in with food waste for 3 days in this heat will be crawling with maggots! Our food waste was! I don't blame OP for not wanting to dig around for it.

I didn't know this. Our council definitely does not offer a weekly food waste collection.

We've got grey/black for general, blue for paper and cardboard, brown for tins and glass and green for garden waste and that's it.

As far as I know they haven't issued any scheduled updates to change this.

It may be the law, but my council hasn't got round to it yet. I think they hope to do it next year.

She can't know for sure she has done that.....unless she did bin it deliberately.

I’m imagining your mum at her dressing table using all your ‘binned’ stuff and laughing manically. 🤣

TBF, she could think she probably threw it away if it was amongst a number of other things she was planning to dump. It is rather a strange approach to keeping things tidy, but people can be strange.

I just looked up my local council because I hadn't heard of this law and they've been exempt until 2040.

Quite a few other councils have also been offered exemptions with similar or shorter time frames.

Op why do you expect your mum to replace it when you could just look through the bin and retrieve it? Just wear gloves. I can't believe you'd expect your mum to go through the rubbish rather than you whoever's fault it is.

It's weird how careless she is but I think it's pretty weird as well that you are insisting on blaming your mum and wanting her to somehow fix it for you rather than doing anything yourself about it

Leeds City Council also doesn't offer food waste collection. However, our non recyclable waste is incinerated not sent to landfill, so I don't know if that makes a difference.

How dare she be so careless with someone elses belongings. I'd tell her that you can't afford to throw that kind of money away and could she please replace it.

If you had thrown someones belongings in the bin then wouldn't you go out and open up the bin and retrieve it? Instead of saying oh sorry I chucked £150 worth of your belongings in the bin but i'm not going to do anything about it, if you want it then come and rake the bins yourself..

It wasn't any 'accident'. She either threw it out deliberately or liked it and kept it for herself. Any normal person, after doing such a thing accidentally, would be mortified and would either replace it or at least would dig it out of the bin, especially for their own daughter. I'd replace it, personally; I definitely wouldn't dig 3 days' worth of food waste, nor would I want to use such 'bin products'.

She sounds like a bit of a bitch. Without the 'bit' part. I'd tell her exactly this <<<. And would stop visits until she rectifies the situation. She's taking the piss.

Op is getting a bashing becuse she asked the question ‘Aibu to say my mother should pay to replace this stuff?’

that’s why everyone is pointing out the myriad other options beyond billing her own mother for items that are still on her own mother’s property.

Just be blunt "£150 is more than I can easily spend replacing the items. Please either retrieve them from the bin or replace them."
It wasn't an accident it was carelessness, and they are not the same.

I would say though OP, my grubbiness standards are pretty low and even I'm not sure I'd want tablets I consume or make up on my face after they spent 3 days in a bin. The make up especially would have lost any glamour.

I would be mortified...I'd have been out as soon as I could trying to find them, or offering to pay. Being blasé with her possessions is one thing. With someone else's is really shabby behaviour.

Seems a bit weird. Has she definitely thrown it away? I can see how a person might sweep a packet of medicine away (sort of) but not a whole bag of items- that involves picking it up and chucking it.

Needless to say as they are 'wealthy' then yes I would ask her politely to please consider replacing the makeup, as it was expensive and you are a bit disappointed by the whole thing. She's not exempt from rectifying a careless mistake just because she's your DM.

I’m still struggling to understand why you think you need to carry around 5 lipsticks. Can you fill me in? Maybe I should too.

I have a lipstick and 4 lip balms, I think.

YABU OP - Aside from the fact that it’s your mother and I feel we’re supposed to be kind and give to them rather than take in their old age, I’d be concerned about my mother’s wellbeing if she did something like that. My mother’s a sweeper, but she’d never throw away anything like that. Unless she has a history of being nasty to you deliberately/passive aggressive, this doesn’t sound right to me.