My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

I never understand when elderly people are absolutely stinking loaded and have fortunes in their bank accounts, yet seem to take immense joy in the knowledge that their adult children (also the parents to their own grandchildren) are always having to budget very carefully and struggle continually.

Do the concepts of love, kindness and family just completely pass them by?

Have you asked her? My mum would be MORTIFIED if she'd thrown something of mine away accidentally, and she'd drive down to the tip and rummage through everything there - you're saying yours won't even look in her bin?

At least thieves 'only' take your stuff away from you because they want it (or the money from selling it) for themselves.

You are just nothing to them; most of them don't actually derive pleasure from the 'hilarity' of the thought of you losing your stuff because of them.

I don't understand your question. Whoever threw it away should be digging in the bin, whether that's your mum, your dad, or auntie Noreen.

@Firegoddess
So your argument is OP should not bear the consequence of being careless with her own belongings by leaving them behind but her Mum should bear the consequence of being careless?
That’s not a very consistent position.

Not the same thing AT ALL. Leaving your (clearly not rubbish) possessions out on a table at your parents' house is perfectly normal, and doesn't even really count as careless.
Making the ACTIVE step of picking something up that does not belong to you, and throwing it in the bin, without even checking what it is, is not really simple carelessness, is it? It's not like accidentally knocking a glass over, the mother had to ACTIVELY take an action.

Yes that’s very odd.

When one of my (adult) siblings left their retainer wrapped in tissue on the side it was thrown away by my dad and sibling had to pay to replace, but that was because it was quite literally disguised as rubbish so seemed fair that it was concluded to be their carelessness rather than my dads.

A pouch full of make up and tablets that your mum had used a day before could not reasonably be mistaken for rubbish and she should’ve made some attempt herself to retrieve it once she realised, and should pay for anything that has been ruined.

OP. Good on you for trying to salvage the items.

I am very sorry the things are ruined. It might be worth wiping them down and leaving them somewhere cool for a day or so and coming back to them when you aren’t feeling so upset about it all. Just to see if anything might be still be saved.

Your update about your mum finding it funny makes me quite upset for you. Given you are sure she has no cognitive impairment, then I can only say she doesn’t sound a very nice person at all. I’d be so, so upset if I did this accidentally to anyone at all (let alone someone I was supposed to love and care about). I really feel for you.

OP, I would be absolutely raging. I'd be inclined to dump the contents of the bin in her bed or something. Or perhaps hide something you know she will need in the morning, such as her own makeup bag, or all her shoes, so she is seriously inconvenienced for at least one morning... it seems she is utterly oblivious to other people and the impact her actions have on others. What an utterly selfish, feckless individual. As someone else said, if it was a true accident, you could forgive it if she appeared in any way sorry, but to actually derive joy from the misfortune SHE caused you... Getting your own back somehow seems like the only way of getting her to understand.

You obv don’t have kids if a few min in a bin is the most disgusting exp of your life

Surely the lipsticks are ok as in casings

Im not normally one for revenge but I agree with this! It doesnt seem like anything else will get through to your selfish mother, OP

I have kids. I would still find digging through heat rotted food waste worse than dealing with my own kids excrement or bodily fluids

And before anyone replies to this post about the food waste (yet again), the OPs parents don’t have a separate food waste collection so yes their bin will have been a disgusting cesspool

I can't believe you went in the bin. A couple of hours?! What was the point? For a few lipsticks and paracetamol?! I hope it wasn't the peer pressure from people in this thread. People here are batshit.

Aside from all of the rest, I'm astonished that the only reason OP got the pouch out in the first place was to supply something that her mum needed.

If OP had just shown the same lack of care and disdain as her mum does for her, she would just have not bothered to help and would still have her belongings safe.

In fact, a more direct equivalent would be that she would be sitting there chuckling at how badly her mum was suffering from hay fever, whilst knowing all along that she had some tablets for it in her bag that would help her a lot with the symptoms, but just reckoned it was much funnier to see her suffering instead.

My mother is equally remiss with my belongings, OP - but definitely not wealthy enough to be so blasé!
Commenting in solidarity - its hurtful when people don't respect your things...

The point was to save spending £150 replacing everything. You must be pretty comfortably off if you don't see why someone might need to do that, but surely you are able to understand that not everyone is as well off as you, and that £150 is a lot of money to many people?!

Once those items are in a bin full of food waste, they are gone. I wouldn't want to replace £150 of lipsticks either but I have tons of others so I wouldn't need to go out and replace a few lost ones. In any case, my stance was that the mother should pay for the replacement. Has she been asked?

The OP's mother should have already ordered replacements to save her daughter that disgusting task. It was her fault and she's well-off.

Strange for her to throw it away, but equally strange for you not to get it out of the bin tbh. Food waste will be in bin liners, and your make up is in a pouch, in their own containers.

You must have more money than me, I'd want it back!

Did you read her update? She did get it out. The disgusting liquified rotted food waste has seeped in through the fabric of the pouch. All contents ruined. Fairly predictable outcome and the mother thinks the whole thing is funny.

Apologies, missed the update.

I still struggle to believe looking through a bin was the most disgusting experience of your life! I think you've been lucky if that's true!

How can everything be ruined? Just give the outside of the casing a wash, surely, and pop the pouch through the washer?

i wouldn’t be doing it either. It’s roasting; it would be very unpleasant and possibly a health hazard

This is really, really odd behaviour!

I'm sorry, OP - I can't get past this. Why would anyone do that do what was clearly NOT rubbish?

I think she needs to compensate you in some way, at least partially. After you kindly lent her the anti-histamines too! Silly cow.

Do it, OP!

See how funny she finds it!

I agree, I can be a bit haphazard and scatty at times but I have never done this!

TWO hours? How much rubbish do your mum and dad create in three days? Even if their bins are only collected every two weeks there can't be more than about four bags and surely it would have been in the last bin bag to be placed in the wheelie bin? So one bin bag, maybe two minutes to open it, shake it and see the contents and fish your make up bag out?